Caring for our children

[CraftyNavyMember]

Before I start this is not a thread for Dad bashing at all. This is about looking for advice from parents that may have been in a similar situation and what they do that works for them. There's no bad blood involved and everything is amicable. We are just wanting to do the best for our kids as am sure all parents do.

Ok so here goes...

2 children still in school, me & their dad live 1/1.5 hours apart - this part all depends on traffic. Am a stay at home mum and dad works 60 hours a week Monday - Friday. Occasionally does need to work weekends - this is in his contract so isnt negotiable.

We have tried him having them 2 nights in the week but this just doesn't work for school. As you can imagine it means extremely early mornings for them as he would need to drop them back at me as he starts at 7am.

He's offered to have them every weekend but I don't feel thats fair. One I would like to spend weekends with them - we all know how hectic school days can be, I love the calm of weekends with them. Plus he needs time outside of work too to do his own thing.

Would every other weekend be acceptable? Does this work for other co parenting families? How do the children cope not seeing one parent as often?

There's no other partners involved on either side this is just us two trying to make life work the best we can.

Thanks in advance

There's no much option besides EOW really. Maybe during school holidays he could have them a bit more?

Thanks, we are talking about holiday time too

How old are the children?

are you not planning on working ?

I think a lot of families end up doing EOW and it works fine but yes definitely increase the time in school holidays so that he gets to spend a chunk of time with them.

Why does he live so far away?

I assume if the school is by you, he moved

I would assume the answer is like everyone else has said

Is every other weekend and more during the school holidays

But equally, he should be open to the idea of moving closer to the kids - renting a room can be a relatively cheap option if he moved back in with his parents to save money

This would put him physically closer to the kids and a better deal could be done then, even if it's just a few hours in the evening and they watch some TV together (you have not said the ages of the kids)

the important question is - why does he live so far away?

from what you’ve written, it seems you get a rather easy lose and he just has to work long hours and never see his kids. Unless info is missing.

Why do you live so far apart and how long have you been divorced?

If he made the decision to move that far away he knew what this would mean with regards to seeing the children. Is he ok with having them every other weekend? If he is ok with that then what’s the problem?

if he isn’t willing to move closer I don’t see another option and you shouldn’t miss out on every weekend with your children of that’s what he’s pushing for.

could you do 2 weekends one after the other and then your ex has them two weekends in the same way? It is still every other weekend but might feel better.

Or could he pick them up from school Friday and drop them off to you Saturday and then you each have a weekend day?

It all depends why he made the decision to live that far away though @Beachlovingirl

if he lives that far away as that’s all he can afford, then they as a ‘couple’ need to find a way that they live closer together as that will be far better for their children. All moving to a cheaper area, or the op finding work.

if he moved that far away as he prioritised a new woman over his children, then he clearly doesn’t want what is best for their children, and will have to suck up barely seeing them.

Thanks for the replies I will answer all questions here for ease.

Kids are 10 & 15

Ex moved 1 due to cost of living - he left our home which is a housing association house. 2 if not then it would be a 2 hour drive each way to work. Yes he doesn't need to go to the work base daily but at least once/twice a week. He works all over Scotland. Living between a hour for work and kids is reasonable.

No i dont work due to health reasons - this does not affect the kids. I get UC and PIP. Plus my ex pays matinance.

He will be having them more in school holidays, 2 x 1 week blocks

Why doesn't he come and visit them once night during the week? Take them to activities etc? I know it's a bit of a drive fo rhim, but it seems a small price to pay. And if you're amicable, perhaps you could all have dinner together, or he takes the kids out for dinner.

Do they not do sports etc on a weekend? See friends? I expect the 15 yo in particular won’t want to go eow

what does your ex want ? More importantly what do your children want ?

it can be highly disruptive to kids ( trendy) to not be in their hometown at weekends

In order to have then 2 nights a week it would have to be every weekend which he totally understands probably wouldn't suit the kids. They have their own lives with friends at weekends.

The kids have said they are happy with every other weekend but I feel that may change when they realise they wont be able to please themselves at weekends in terms of seeing mates.