Can it be enforced?

[FancyRoseSeal]

Looking for some advice from anyone who's been through similar please.
Back story - my partner has two children aged 14 & 10. Originally the agreement between him & his ex was 2 nights a week which we give in advance. Plus £270 a month paid directly to her.
Now shes wanting him to have them one week fri-sun and the 2nd week two set nights a week. Plus 3 full weeks a year.
He works 50 hours a week traveling to various sites which can be a 2 hour drive each way. There's also occasions that he has to work away for a week or two weeks at a time. I work part time (2 nights a week) plus run my own business from home. I also have 2 children who are older so they split their time between mine & their dads as and when they choose.
Guess my question is can it be enforced to which nights he takes the children? We have asked in the past to have them extra for various occasions which she always say no. Yet if she asks we always try to say yes - for us we want no drama so tend to roll over. However in terms of nights he has them we try to work around both our jobs. Live just seems so easy for her, she doesn't work and if she wants a night at her partners she leaves the kids overnight with her eldest child. She also already has 3 holidays booked for next year. Yet we struggle financially each month. We cant move in together to save money as we live an hour apart and neither of us can move as it would be disruptive for all the kids in terms of school & work. Plus we wouldn't be able to afford a 5 bed house.
I have never gone through this before as I was totally soft when it came to my ex. When they were little he had them 3 nights a week (different each week due to my job) and have never had any money from him. Again I just didn't want any drama so just got on with it myself.

Any advice would be really appreciated & thanks for reading my major rambling.

I don’t see what her working arrangements or financial situation have to do with her wanting set nights for her children to see their father.

She’s not a nanny you keep on a retainer so you can pick and choose the nights that suit you on any given weeks.

How horrible for the kids, as well, knowing that their Dad slots them in around his job and his new partner.

Erm, your “partner” is a shit dad isn’t he? His children should not be fitting around his new girlfriend or your job, his primary responsibility is his kids- you fit around them.

A judge can decide who has the children (days, times) so everyone knows what/when is expected of them but a judge cannot force a parent to actually have the children.

You dont live together so why are you getting involved? Stay out of it.

You don't even live together so I can't see that how often he sees his children is any concern of yours. Same with finances.

You know children are meant to be your priority? You don't get to just fit them into your life when it suits. He sounds like a shit dad and you're not much support either.

I believe that it could be enforced, yes. If it was considered to be in the best interests of the children. The parents would be expected to attend meetings about mediation (MIAM) before anything progressed to court though.

Mediation could be very useful here.

The woman's private life is no concern of anyone else's.
Your boyfriend should be parenting his kids at least 50% of the time. Anything less is not good enough.
If he's skint despite working 50 hours a week he needs to sort his finances, get a better paying job, and focus solely on raising his kids.
Having a boyfriend is meant to be fun and easy, don't get involved in solving his life choices for him.

You dont live together your not married op.
This is not you circus not your business.
Keep out of and dont get involved.

I agree, it's your boyfriend's business to take care of his kid, not yours. He should fit his job around his child.

She can go to court and ask for a fixed schedule

it’d be up to the judge whether it’s granted

if it is he cannot be made to take them during “his” time but obviously the children will be aware of that.

she has been extremely flexible and very cooperative so far.

I'm always susicious when a GF tells MN the ex is having 3 holidays. Do you really believe that £290 a month and her not working would fund that? It's less than a fiver a day per child!

To be fair though she shouldn't be involved in this. She has her own children and they don't even live together. @FancyRoseSealif he is looking for you to help him out either his child caring duties I would be very careful. This is between him and his ex wife.

He's not a shit dad by any means, he wants to see his children which is more than can be said for a lot of dads. He was also the one to contact child matinance support to ensure he was paying for his children. Unfortunately his job demands that he works long hours and away from home. He has tried a job close to home which yes gave more time but also meant a lot lower wage. On top of maintenance direct to their mum he buys the kids whatever they need.

I am not involved in looking after his children but I do support him and as a mum theres no way I would be with a man that didn't want a relationship with them. However that doesn't mean I cant support him and offer advice. Given a choice we would live together but as mentioned this wouldn't be in the best interest of the children due to school.

Thank you to those that gave constructive advise in terms of if it can be enforced.

It’s really sad that ‘sees his kids and pays for them’ is seen as an acceptable standard for being a good dad.

What do you mean?

Don’t get pregnant by this man. He’s not doing his half of childcare financially or practically

I mean that what you describe as good parenting is the absolute minimum standard for not being a shit parent.

Good parents would, for instance, consider their children when setting their work schedule.

Do you think him seeing his kids two nights a week is a good dad? A good dad would be doing everything in his power to have more time because he'd be miserable without them. A good dad would be prioritising getting 50/50, not getting in a new relationship. What has he done to change jobs or industries so he can spend more time with his kids? How many jobs has he applied for?
A good dad isnt one who says he loves his kids, and his kids love him, and he's nice to them. A good dad is one who wants them to be with him as much as possible and changes his life in order to actually do that. Actions. Not words.

If she takes him to family court then yes they could enforce him saying which nights he has them. It’s only really fair to know more than a few weeks in advance when your children will be with you isn’t it? How is she supposed to plan work and time for herself if she doesn’t know when she’ll be child free? 5 nights out of 14 seems like a good deal also and of course they should have holidays etc with you. I don’t see the problem really. I think she’s been very reasonable so far.