Parenting app

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I wont call it co parenting because he isn't.
Almost divorce but tired if him dictating what days he sees the kids. He literally sees my two kids for 6 hours a week at his mums. Last visit I was out so he just dumped them at my mums..then called my 11 year old to ask if hed got inside!! Im tired of being accused of all sorts. He cheated on me and gaslight me badly, really badly. I even posted about my medication in Dec and jan asking whether its normal to be so paranoid ...I wasnt and I was right all along.
I feel sick every time he texts. Im tired of him changing days because he gets a better offer without any consideration of my plans. He pays bare minimum maintenance and says he cant plan his weeks ahead because he doesn't know what hes working from one week to the next ( trainee hgv at royal mail). I suspect this is bullshit and hes saying that she he can fit in the the slapper gf schedule. Im tired of him promising to take the kids to places then instead dumping them at his mums and pleading poverty. Im tired if having to parent alone and bend work around childcare while he swans around.

Sunday was the final straw. I meed a parenting app where all this is now recorded.
I think I need something legal written down so he sticks to rhe times and if something comes up then its tough and he needs to sort childcare out. I had to be his wife and mum during our marriage and im not doing it anymore.
Ive jad to block him on my phone because I cant deal with him messaging me accusing me of lying all the time.
Sorry for the rant, im shattered and coming down woth a cold.
If anyone has had to manage child care with a dickhead please let me know what you dis amd how.
My two are both asd and hard work so I suspect he uses their difficulties as an excuse to not have them for more time.

I’m sorry you’re struggling OP but there is absolutely nothing at all you can do to force him to stick to the times/days/plans with the kids.

There’s nothing at all legally or otherwise that will enable you to actually hold him accountable. You could have plenty of evidence of him being shit, take it all the way to court and get a formal agreement, and he can still just not turn up or stick to it and there’s nothing any court can do.

The only thing you can realistically hope for is that if he is refusing to look after his kids then you can claim the child maintenance appropriately to reflect that.

Sorry you’re struggling. However, not cool to call other women slappers. I despise my ex’s new gf too, I’d call her everything under the sun. Not a slapper or slut though, it just undermines women in general

Shes a slapper for having sex with a married man and buying my children sweets while they were sneaking around. Hes more awful but she is a slapper. I stand by that word. It doesn't undermine wonen in general....only slappers.

I think he would stick to a legal agreement...he just doesn't care whether im at breaking point or what i want...he would listen to a legal order though ( I think)

A legal order still can't force him to take the kids, it just means if you put 4pm on a Sunday that he can't change it to 5pm. If he doesn't show up on time or not at all then the kids stay with you

Unfortunately no court order can make a parent actually be a parent.

Our Family Wizard is a good app. If you receive any benefits you can go through the Hardship fund application and get it for free, otherwise just over £100 a year. It's been amazing for my situation.

Create boundaries, if the time is 10am abd he shows up at 10.30am, you need to have left the house at 10.20am and move on wjth your day with the kids. Eventually be will either get the hint that he should show up on time, or will stop bothering. Get a ring doorbell for this.

You can control your boundaries, you have no control over his choices.

Thanks. I did have some legal advice and while I know i can't force him to be a good dad youre right I can control how I react. I just cant believe how awful he is now. I think if he was late and I left with the kids he would explode and im not sure I can be bothered with the drama.

I completely and utterly understand not wanting to deal with him exploding and the drama of it all... however... even when you do exactly what he wants, it isn't enough. He wants more. So you, and the kids, bend over backwards for him. Why should 3 people's lives revolve around him? Why is he more important than the of you.
I do understand. I did everything he wanted for the easier life, only for him to never stop pushing. Then my family told me I was teaching my kids to be a pushover, especially when it came to their dad, but potentially for their future relationships. So now I set boundaries. I think about what is best for the kids and that is what I stick by. I might not be 100% right, but i know I'm more chil ms focused than their dad, and this way the kids know the olan and don't have the constant changing. Since i did, it took some time, but he now knows. He shows up on time, he still tries to push boundaries, and the court order helped me to make sure those lines aren't crossed.
Wishing you luck as it it sooooo hard.