Changing 50/50 children arrangement

[londonnest]

My ex and I separated 2 years ago. We share custody of our daughters (aged 8 and 10) 50/50. He insisted on a 50/50 split although his focus has always been on his work, his social life and most importantly himself.
I'm growing increasingly frustrated because he wants the children to stay with him every other week even though his workload and schedule doesn't allow him to spend much time with them (he puts them in front of the TV or hire a part time nanny). In particular, as the children start getting more homework, I'd like to be able to support them (I have a more flexible work schedule). He's never helped with homework and doesn't intend to. He wants to hire someone to help with homework instead.
He manages to keep the children alive, clothed and fed, and brings them to school on time (when they stay with him). For him, that's all that he needs to do. I think there is more to parenting and would like for the children to spend more time with me.
But that's a non-starter for him because it would mean that I get something and he doesn't (I "win" and he "loses").
Any suggestions please?

Could you do 50/50 but split the week rather than every other?

or controversially….suggest you have more time with them but won’t ask for CMS in exchange

what do your daughters want?

What kind of suggestions are you looking for?

You can ask him and he might agree to it or he might disagree and then you can either prepare for an expensive court battle which will probably end with maintaining the status quo or let it go and try to compensate for his (perceived) shortcomings in your own time.

It sounds like the children are fed, clothed, kept clean, safe and happy and arrive at school on time? If so, then it's really up to him if he chooses to help with homework or hires a tutor to do it- or perhaps your children could just do their homework themselves? The purpose of it is so the teacher can see what they can do without adult support.

Doesn’t sound like the children are happy as they are only being provided with the most basic level of parenting.

annoyingly every court in the land seems to want to give any parent 50% unless there is a very serious reason.

I do advocate for saying you’d like them more and you don’t seek child support. See if that works. But if that means you are “winning” then he won’t let that happen.

me and you are on the same boat OP and are you married to my husband? They sound like the same person 😅they certainly seem to have the same priorities!

Tell him every opportunity how much you like 50/50 and how well it is working for you to have so much ‘me time’.

Sounds like he views it as HIS time to have the kids, I.e. taking something away from you rather than the KIDS time with him, I.e. time with the kids best interests at heart. It seems bonkers to pay for a nanny or tutor when you would willingly do that. I would broach it as working out what is best for the kids, yes he might get less time with them but would he get more quality time and less of the drudge.

As long as the children are being kept safe, clean, fed and are being brought to school on time, what he chooses to do when the children are in his care is none of your business.

If your children feel they would like to spend more time with you and have expressed this wish, then there may be grounds to change the status quo, but until that happens there's not much you can do