how do i get over this / why am i handling it so bad!

[ralsta]

i cant afford therapy right now. so mumsnetters, help me out here

ex (split in jan) has obviously been seeing someone, i didn’t think it was serious but knew something was going on. asked him about it etc deny deny deny. he even told me i was ‘making shit up’ ‘being crazy’ for even thinking it. basically made me feel like an absolute psycho for asking

so today i’m told by a friend that they’ve had his ‘girlfriend’ in at their place of work. her words apparently….and she’s also been saying they’ve had to be careful as her cars been seen at the house etc

we split because he was drinking heavily and messaging prostitutes when i was pregnant and again just when id had our daughter. do i still love him?! am i jealous? am i just pissed off that’s he’s managed to completely fuck with my self esteem/gaslight me into thinking i am infact mental, but then happily run off into the sunset with someone?!

GOD, MENNNNN

tips for cutting this man out of my life when we have 2 children together please cos i am struggling to navigate this haha

This sounds incredibly stressful for both you and the children - I’m sorry to hear about it. It certainly sounds like this is something you should talk to a counsellor about - have you thought about going to a doctor/the NHS?

It sounds like you will need to have at least a formal relationship with your ex for the sake of your children. I know it’s difficult, but it might be helpful to try being the bigger person, at least for the sake of your children. This means being civil, being ok with him seeing other people and trying to get along with everyone

What he did at the time is unforgivable, and I can understand how you must be going through mental somersaults. This will help but it’s worth remembering that things have played out this way and that you should now look to the future. Hopefully he’s improved his behaviour but that’s not your issue any more, as long as it doesn’t affect your children

I’m sorry I can’t be of more help. This sounds intensely stressful but you may have to try and be zen at this point and let things be - there is no point in getting too worked up as it might not change much

@TheJoyousUser it is for me. luckily i’m very good at keeping anything like this just between myself and their dad. i’m very good at pushing things down infront of them and im always amicable. i just am so sick of the gaslighting and i saw glimpses of him doing it to my son the other day too which has just also triggered me. he’s just really messed my head up!

but like you say, i need to find a way to be at peace with it. he’s not a good person, he’s always done hurtful things. just for some reason my brain at the moment is only remembering the few nice things he ever did