Where to start

[Lostallhope13]

It's been a long time coming i think but this time I feel like we have to go through with separation/divorce

Neither of us are happy. We both want different things, spending time together is a struggle and ends up in a argument, there isn't any trust on my side towards him due to things in the past, neither feels worthy or equal and resentment on both sides.

We have 2 kids ( 1 biologically both and eldest is my dc but always been treated as equal) we have a mortgage which originally i wasn't on but I am on the title deeds now.

He is a bigger earner than me pays mortage, remortgage (for home improvement) but both work. It works out i actually pay out more a month than him.

Where do we go from here. How do you start seperation/divorce in Scotland.

We will need to sell the house which out mortgage is around £86,000 remortgage is £39000 house is worth £180,000

I don't want the house but where do I go from here. Not entitled to a council house as I've spoke to them. Private rent I cant afford and there isn't any where we live.

I dont even know what why where when how im writing im just a bit lost and numb at the moment even though im not shocked it is came to this its still sad. I tried so hard for my kids but all they hear is arguments and a bad atmosphere but now they have no home/ family unit and I dont know what to do or where to start

So you need to get your house on the market and get the equity out, you should have what 25k? Any other assets? Has he got a big pension, any savings? Once you have some money freed up you’ll be able to afford rent. Can you decide between you how everything will be split? If so you just need a lawyer to draw up a financial agreement. You’ll be a year before you can divorce but if you get all the practical stuff done first that’ll be easy. Also child arrangements. If you have them more he’ll need to pay maintenance, do a benefits check too to see if you qualify for uc. You’ll be ok.

Scottish divorce is usually more straightforward

50:50 on joint assets and only the amount accrued during marriage

Scottish settlements don’t really get much above 50% and at best it could go to 60%. As stated the marital assets are limited to those accrued in the marriage.

Whilst that means you have a clearer picture of what capital you will get you obviously won’t get much more than 25k. Are you able to get a mortgage in your own right to buy him out?

Take a deep breath and do an Income and expenditure plan - use the money saving expert forum for this. Make sure you have explored all income - benefits and child support. Are you able to increase your salary by maybe pushing more parenting onto your ex.? Can you share expenses more fairly or bring down expenses. For example move to a smaller home or a more affordable area. Do you get any child support for the eldest?

Would he consider deferring his equity share for a period?

And remember £25k isn’t nothing.

But I would really try to get into a position to buy him out.

I saw this come up on Facebook and thought it might be useful if you’re still needing help and advice

my sister lives in Scotland and is going through a divorce.

you’ll be both entitled to 50% of the equity once the house is sold and the mortgage is settled - or if one of you wanted to buy the other out it would be the 50% equity they’d need to pay.

doesn’t matter what you’ve paid and what he’s paid it’s a straight division of joint assets, division of personal assets, joint debts and personal debts, pensions, any other assets. If it’s gone in the bank account it’s an asset like work schemes that pay out an incentive scheme etc.

pension wise any growth in a pension even if you’ve never paid into it within the marriage is included in the division.

you need a minute of agreement created by a solicitor and then it gets filed and it is a legal document. Scotland you need 1 years separation before you can apply for a divorce which is annoying for her! She has been told if the minute of agreement is done there is no need to go to court it can all be done outside of court if everything is fully resolved and in this doc.

get the click ticking on that year op. You’re going to have days when you know this is the right thing and then the opposite when you feel like you’ve messed everything up for nothing. Only you know if you want to tolerate the marriage any longer.

what would be your ideal custody plan for your shared child? Will your husband be amicable?