Feel broken

[broken1980]

Posting under different name.

5 months after my husband left me and our two children, I’m still broken and I don’t know how to even deal with this.

I’m still in shock. I still struggle to believe he did what he did. Left us for someone at work. Just like that.

My head hurts, my ears hurt, my body aches and I just can’t see a way through this. I thought I had got through the worst of it, but it has hit me hard again. I’m crying on and off and it’s hard to see how life will be get better.

I have been the angry, heartbroken wife. Called him names, made threats, been on his case since he left.

I get that he made a big decision to leave, BUT he chose that. I didn’t choose this. Our children didn’t choose this. Our lives were turned upside down over night. He lives the life of a single man. He left me with every responsibility.

Now, he’s dragging his heels with the divorce and I don’t understand why. Ok, he says his MH isn’t great, but what about mine? He’s living it up with his new gf, while I’m a single mum juggling full time work and two children. I’ve been so proactive: had house valued, seen a lawyer, spoken to my mortgage advisor. Spent money that I don’t have. He’s done nothing and this frustrates me. He’s buried his head and it’s killing me. I can’t move on until he starts the ball rolling.

I have the worry of not knowing if I’ll be able to keep our house after the financial split. This is all down to him and I feel that he will be the only one who comes out of this smiling. He’ll have his new gf, a chunk of money and I’ll be on my own with our two children, possibly looking for a new home or struggling to buy his share.

Am I wrong to be angry still? I’m pretty sure he feels he’s the victim here and that I should be off his case by now. I don’t want him. I just want to know where I stand re my house/future.

My head feels like it’s going to explode. I just feel like I can’t cope with this anymore. I have therapy booked, which begins in October.

You’re not wrong to feel angry
but holding onto it will only damage you and your children so it’s good you are getting counselling to help you through this

focus on getting a fair split and moving on

It's not wrong to feel whatever feelings you feel. However, direct your anger in a positive direction. Use it to drive you through. Why does he need to start the ball rolling? Take control from him. Work out what you need to get where you need to be and fight for it.

It may look from the outside as though he has a brilliant life atm but that isn't necessarily the reality. Perhaps he is dragging his heels over the divorce because all the implications of what he's thrown away are sinking in. Or he has realised what the financial hit will be.

You have every right to be angry but as pp have said focus on what you can do for the best for you and your children.

Thank you , @unsync, @Whenthetimeisright

In a similar situation, and it's infuriating. A few months further down the line from you and the main differences are:

• I am not getting impatient chasing him up any more. Until he provides what's needed paperwork wise, I remain in the house with the DC. I'm not rushing out!
• I have started dating someone - very casual, unlikely to last and I appreciate i have been very lucky as it's fallen into my lap a bit. But I am enjoying the occasional dinner with no strings and having something positive is good

You’ve had a lucky escape as if he was going to go off with someone at work and not have a thought so it you and his two young children then this is the person he is. Not a good husband. Not a good father. he’s a disaster OP!

he may be dragging his heals because of the costs involved in the break up and that he will actually need to support himself wholly without having that second income (your income) and I assume any benefits he was claiming as a household living with children won’t apply anymore.