Long time lurker first time poster.
I'm posting here as I'm at total loss with my relationship and seem to be at stalemate where we aren't moving forward or splitting up. I'm lonely and I think our lack of sex and alcohol s the cause.
I'm certainly to blame for some of the sex issues early on i. Our relatioship and I've worked hard to resolve these issues- I feel successfully but they have been replaced by his new ed issues, so I don't want to initiate now.
We both drink too much however I feel he has a real issue and is often incredibly rude and unapologetic, turns the issue and says I'm whinging about him. This another theme I'm the villain, he's the victim despite the fact he literally cannot take care of himself.
I feel coming across as very passive in this post and I wish I was more like this in real life in fact I'm shouting at him and it's very toxic. I k ow I ahve behaved badly but I'm frustrated with his behaviour.
There really happy times but ultimately its not a fit situation for us to have a child (and we literally can't given our lack of sex), I've grieved the loss of not having children this but ultimately is for the best and I think why I've stayed so long.
Another thing to avoid a drip feed for background is I did something I'm very ashamed of that he's aware off (think drugs / sex work) in my early twenties that he has never judged me for but I'm terrified my family would find out about if we split.
I'm posting for accountability- given my financial situation I won't be able for at least six months but I keep being in this situation and have been yo yoing for nearly five years. Also if anyone else feels similar wanted to say I'm here for you xxx