Splitting child costs

[Runningmom1512]

Finally going to be in my own place in a couple of weeks with my 5 year old, ex and I sat down and chatted a bit more about finances, maintenance, Im curious to know what others situation/arrangement is like,
My ex tonight said that during the school holidays, which we will split, if I want my son in holiday clubs it's for me to pay that myself and same for him. But I have no family here and he can use his mom, so really he could end up with more annual leave for himself and money in a way as his mom is free, she doesn't look after our son that often but still has her available, does that seem fair?
Also do you ask your exes to buy yours kids clothes etc occasionally or do they just expect you to use your child maintenance for everything?

If you are sharing 50/50 then it’s fair, what he does for childcare has nothing to do with you really. But it’s not clear what your split is

@ToKittyornottoKitty my ex will have my son every other weekend Thursday evening till Monday morning to do drop at school.

Honestly, he can put his salary and circumstances into the CMS calculator, and if he files with them, that’s all he has to pay. He doesn’t have to contribute to any childcare on your time, or clothes or anything over and above CMS.

His payments will be higher if he has less overnights. Him having the option of his mother does not have any bearing on maintenance or payments.

If you can get him to agree to anything else over and above this, go for it.

Maybe ask his mum to help with childcare on your days too. It's still her grandchild regardless of day of the week.

I don’t think you can complain that he has access to free childcare. It’s just life. He should be paying for everything on his days though so I’d expect him to cover Friday lunch. Have school uniform plus weekend clothes.

So he’s having him 4/14 and half the schools
hols? You can use an on-line calculator and look at what cms suggest for 2-3 nights a week.

Re the hols I think this is fair. My ex is off most the summer and I’d have more weekends so we didn’t have to pay for child care. But we have always swapped / helped out as two kids regularly need to be in different places at the same time!

Clothes wise, in your scenario I would say he needs to provide clothes at his, which is a lot less straight forward than it sounds as they always get swapped up. But I think the approach of, it’s their clothes helps. For uniform I would ask him if he would go 50:50:

OP, your ex-MIL is still your DC’s grandmother, but it’s entirely up to her when and whether she looks after your DC. If she chooses to do so for her DS but not for you, that’s hardly unreasonable. It wouldn’t be unreasonable for your child’s father to buy some clothes, but if he argues that he pays maintenance so you can provide them, that too is not actually unreasonable (although immensely irritating). The bottom line should be: what is in your child’s best interests? He didn’t ask you and your DH to separate, and if you have residence for the majority of the time, it’s up to you to provide clothing for your child. If your ex agrees to chip in, it’s a bonus. My advice is: pick your battles. He might be more likely to be amenable to buying sports kit than general clothing. When your DS is older, he can ask his Dad himself: for now, make sure he has what he needs, but ask your DH if he would, say, buy shoes or a coat. (Mine never bought anything once we were divorced but your DH might be more reasonable.)

It’s crap OP but he’s right, you pay on your time, and also if you can claim any help for childcare don’t pass that benefit on to him. Maintenance should cover clothes etc but if he will pay for extras that’s good.

He’ll pay you cms based on average numbers of nights over the year

if you then need holiday clubs that’s for you to pay . If he needs /wants it that’s him to pay

ultimately you can ask for extras for clothes and anything else but legally all he has to pay is cms

Would you be happy if the roles were reversed and you were expected to contribute towards childcare costs when you didn’t need it?

That's one perspective and it's fair but, he has the children predominantly at weekends. So if OP works she has to pay for almost all the childcare which we all know is expensive. So it does completely suck and feel unfair. He gets to just work all through the summer and OP has to take leave or pay for expensive clubs.

He doesn’t get to just work all through the summer holidays, they are splitting the summer holidays.