Ex blocking contact now has tried to increase maintenance

[Bigoldsigh]

background -
ex left me for someone else. Moved the new someone else in with her and our child within 3 months (child had just turned 4). ex was extremely rigid and controlling with contact so I had no choice but to apply for a child arrangements order, ex has never agreed to any extra contact beyond the minimum specified (eow and half hols), so couldn’t see our child on bank holidays, or couldn’t do teatime if I had an extra day off midweek or phone them.
ex has persistently come up with reasons to stop or limit contact over the years, I’ve had to apply to enforce many times.

Now my ex has stopped contact again, claiming child doesn’t want to come over. I know for a fact my ex has tried to alienate our child against me, because the last time we went to court, when ex had blocked contact, cafcass allowed our child to express their wishes and feelings and child wanted an extra overnight on weekends. Great I thought. Was really pleased I could perhaps do the school run on a Monday. But then child told me the ex had said if that happens, the roles would reverse, child will live with me full time and only see the ex every other weekend so child was scared off having the extra overnight. Goodness knows what else has been said.
so ex has stopped contact claiming our child has chosen this and has now told CMS our child has no overnights with me and maintenance needs to increase. I’ve never agreed to this change and I cannot currently spare the cash to apply to enforce (not sure there’s any point now either as the child’s wishes and feelings will take priority and ex claims this was child’s decision and I also know ex heavily influences our child).
I have never agreed to the change in shared care and our court order is still in place so I don’t know what to do. Do I tell CMS I’ve not agreed to this and that our court order is still in place? I live in hope that our child will resume contact…

So sorry you are going through this OP. I didn’t want to leave you without a reply.

of course if the ex has said to the child well then you’ll have to move in with you child is scared by that.
to me the court order is the thing that stands but afraid you’ll need to contact your lawyer and tell them what is happening.
when the extra night was agreed was this captured in the court order?
sounds to me like your ex is relying on you not knowing your legal standing.

Of course you write to CMS saying this. she can apply to court if she wants a new court orders

how old is your child? I would say polite firm email, then mediation invite, then court for enforcement.

if child is older child inclusive mediation.

she does seem obstructive as most kids would still want to see their dad regularly even if they didn’t want to sleep over in his home.

are you able to contact your child at all via phone or social media to check in?

in the meantime, message your ex and say please pass on the following - and send a lovely video to your son telling him about your day, asking him what he’s been up to and telling him you love him. This is your evidence trail should you need it (even years later) that you didn’t give up trying to contact him.

out of interest why were you only given eow by judge and no midweek or teatime contact?

I would also write to school telling them what’s happened

Ps I wouldn’t assume that’s exactly what ex said re weekends and going to live with daddy, young child maybe got confused

Send a copy of the court order to CMS and make it clear there have been no changes. Can you not get an emergency hearing if she's not following court ordered access. Think there is a risk she'll loose custody if this continues......
Keep documentary evidence of what she is doing to present.

I would tell social services too. CMA re court order and payments and SS for emotional
help and advice, they will be able to facilitate you seeing your child more. You can represent yourself if it does go to court , it’s really simple you just want more time with your child.
It’s so sad when parents use the child , but don’t give up. As they get older it will get better as their wishes will be taken into account even more . Send things for them, write them letters so they always feel you are there, despite what the other parent says . Sorry you’re going through this .

How old is the child now?

Send court order to CMS.
4 years old- that is an awful lot of pressure on a child. Feel for them.
Contact the school/nursery and inform them of the situation.
Solicitor- get legal advice. The court order has been broken and as yet I have never heard of a court thinking it is okay for a 4 year old to decide they don't want to go to their parents.
I would suggest you act fast. If your child is being told adult issues, then the kinger you have no contact the more problems it will cause.
Document everything. All texts, what your child has said. Everything.
Wishing you luck.

Make an application. Represent yourself. You can do it.

How old is the child now? That will make a difference to whether the courts listened to them or not.