Any advice?

[EverythingButPAndSA]

What happens when both names are on the mortgage but we need to separate?

I'm broke most months so I'm unable to buy him out etc
Can't move out as I have nowhere to go.
I work two MW jobs, currently learning to drive, no qualifications.
Always someone's birthday/activities afterschool/kids clothes etc is where my spare money goes. He won't provide unless I ask him but then I get questioned.

Any advice? I know I need to leave with the kids but I can't see a way out.

Council can't help as we bought the house as a council house.

Thanks

Sounds like a tough situation.

Unfortunately, I am not sure there are a lot of options. If you are in physical danger - you can go to a refuge. You can also call police and have him removed in that case.
If there is no abuse - your only way forward is to sell the house and move somewhere you can afford to rent/buy.

Do you have any family or friends who can give you a place to stay?

Im safe, not in any immediate danger. Just fed up of the emotional and financial abuse.

No family as I went NC years ago. Friends dont have the room or know how bad things have gotten.

Unfortunately - I am not sure there is a magical solution. In your place I'd make a plan of how to get to some sort of independence from him and work towards it.

Thankyou. Thats what im doing. Unfortunately its going to take years the way things are going.

Are you actively divorcing? Could you put in your own claim for UC? Don't know how that would work with claiming for the dc?

Not yet. I did think about claiming UC but im not sure how it works.

The house will need to be sold, any equity split and you’ll to find somewhere else to live. Are you married?

You will need to work out the best plan with the house, as you bought under RTB you may need to pay a percentage of discount back depending on how long ago, or offer back to council.

Thats what i thought re the house.

Been a SAHM for so long working MW jobs to fit around the kids i have regrettably made myself entirely dependent on him. My MH is shocking. Im slowly waking up but scared of the change that is coming.

You can claim UC even if you share accommodation with your ex providing you are separated and living completely separate lives. You can claim CMS too. Get some advice from womens aid or similar. It won’t be easy but there are actions you can take

Pretty sure you can claim UC if you can prove your living together but separated x

Bless you, I can completely see this and it creeps up on you. I hope my post didn’t worry you more, I just feel forewarned is forearmed and if you can do any calculations and estimates of what you may be left with, you can move forward with a clearer picture of your future. I’d imagine the council can advise on this? If you have had the house long enough that you don’t need to pay back any discount (5 yrs?) but within the time you have to offer to the council first (10 yrs?) this may work in your favour since councils are wanting to buy back and could be an easy - well less fraught than normal - transaction.

I dont want to claim CMS from him. Im hoping he'll move out, leave me and the kids the house but he pays the mortgage instead of CM. We've had the house 4y I think so the council may take it back

I've been reading the Woman's Aid website but not quite brave enough to chat to them. Just want to get this weekend over with.

I don’t think they’d take it back they’d just deduct a percentage of the discount from the sale price - but only if you were to sell. Good luck with Women’s Aid.

it’s highly unlikely he’d leave ( voluntarily or court ordered) and keep paying the mortgage! ( and rent elsewhere)

he’ll also be told in no uncertain terms to NOT agree to pay mortgage in lieu of cms - as you could still put a cms claim in and that would prevail.i think your expectations are a little off tbh

ultimately you’ll need to start divorce process
start financial declarations
understand what assets and debts there are
understand what your settlement might look like

From then you can think about your housing needs, how you’ll afford that, what cms and uc top ups you might get etc, it will likely mean living together while separating

He has at least two other places to go, I have zero.

Think my next steps are citizens advice and a solicitor

Start with seaking a free chat with a solicitor. I spoke with 4 before going ahead with the divorce process.
Arm yourself with education. Follow the legal queen on Instagram.
Are you married? If not a solicitor may be able to guide you. Finances may be discussed under the needs of the children. (Children's act).

Speak with the council regarding any deductions if you were to sell.
Get the property valued by 3 agents.

You can claim universal credit while still living together. Lots of us have to stay in the same house while selling.

You can then assess your finances to see if you could buy in your area or universal credit can help with rent.
For full universal credit keep savings below £6000 but they will make some deductions if you have upto £16000.

Marriage length
Age of children / future care arrangements
Equity in the house/ location
Savings
More information on the above may help people to guide you

So you are being financially and emotionally abused.

Please do seek advice with this. You should be entitled with UC to help with renting because you are leaving due to abuse. Many councils will also do a loan for the rent deposit when you are leaving due to abuse. When you do leave/live separately do claim for CMS.

Yes you can separate, live in the same house short term and claim UC however the abuse will escalate won’t it.