Need to move on

[Cwaters]

I’ve been in a shitty marriage for the past 6 years and I’m honestly at my wits end. Gave him all my money like an idiot and now I have 3 children, my youngest is 3 months with no savings. The house is in his name and I guess I’ve been staying because I’m not financially independent and secretly hoping it would get better- Has anyone else been in this situation before? He can honestly be so normal and loving but the majority of the time I’m walking on egg shells not knowing what mood he’ll be in. He doesn’t help with any housework or kids issues and because he works when he wants as he’s self employed he’s constantly at home and I have no freedom. I don’t have the foggiest of where I would go and what I would do seeing as I have the baby. Or should I wait until baby is old enough for me to start working? I guess I’ve hacked it out this long - Any advice would be appreciated-

So you have your own account? If so, get the child benefit paid into it and direct debit it over to your joint account if necessary for now. If you don’t have your own account, get one.
Start saving up any Tesco/Boots/Sainsbury points that you can.
Get a bit of cashback when you shop and squirrel it away.
Do you think he’d go to marriage counselling? Do you get any time away on your own, would he have the kids while you go to the gym/coffee for an hour or so?

Hi! Thanks so much for your reply- those are really good tips thank you- Nope he is definitely a man’s man so wouldn’t even consider it and there would be no way he would watch the kids on his own- it’s as if he wants the life of a bachelor but then also wants to come home to a wife and kids - we just keep going round in circles and I just wish I was secretly rich so I could move out and have the option of him not being in my life anymore- just feel so stuck

So presumably he wouldn’t want them 50% of the time. IMO the best time to leave is when the kids are young, as you’ll get more, being the resident parent.
If you really do want to leave, consider finding a free half hour with a solicitor. I felt very empowered after mine.

I’m just really afraid it might turn toxic. I think I’ve answered my own question and need to wait until I’m financially independent before leaving - I just don’t want to be struggling to provide for the kids- thank you so much for your help!

You're married so even if the house is in his name, you're still entitled to half. Move out and you'd be entitled to child support and some benefits - you could make it work.

How would I move out? Where do I even start looking? I have no money for a deposit and with no income it’s highly unlikely any landlord would rent to me?

Speak to someone that deals with universal credit and other benefits (most likely your local job centre). Are you entitled to anything right now to save a deposit? Tell them the situation and you have to move out with the children and need housing - find out the logistics from them and go from there.