How did you agree financial split?

[BoysRule]

We’re in the early stages of separation and have agreed to divorce. It’s all quite amicable and we both have good intentions to keep it that way.

I have an hour with a solicitor as I want to establish what’s fair. I have a tendency to undersell myself.

Once I’ve done this, can we just sit down together and agree it and then get a solicitor to write a consent order? Is it as simple as that if we both agree?

I’ve looked at Amicable and am aware of divorce coaches but do we need that? Is it better to have a third party sense check it?

Thanks

You will each need a solicitor for it to be considered fair. One cannot act for both of you

We sat down together with a spreadsheet. Didn’t use a solicitor except to draw up our agreement.

We sat down together with a spreadsheet. Didn’t use a solicitor except to draw up our agreement.

We sat down together with a spreadsheet. Didn’t use a solicitor except to draw up our agreement.

We sat down together with a spreadsheet. Didn’t use a solicitor except to draw up our agreement.

We sat down together with a spreadsheet. Didn’t use a solicitor except to draw up our agreement.

I'd get all your figures together, house valuation/ pension CETV/ savings/ debts/ car values/ investments etc. Maybe have a loose conversation with your partner around what you each feel is fair and what your needs are. Prior to formalising anything, pay a solicitor for an hour of their time and see what they think. Good luck.

We are several weeks in. We both paid for an hours consultation each with a solicitor. Agreed between us how to work out a fair split. I have instructed my solicitor to carry out the legal process for a one off fee. Will just need to employ a Pensions Actuary to work out sharing the main pension. This way my solicitor keeps things in check and processes the paperwork and the timings. I'm ensuring they includes a clean break order. Will still take about six months.
For a long marriage the starting basis is 50/50 split. All divorces are on a no fault basis. Good luck!

If your finances are uncomplicated; if there are no hidden issues; if there is no big disparity in incomes, etc - you can agree on a fair split - (starting point is 50/50 for a long marriage, =10yearsl; can be different in a short marriage)

Once you agree - a solicitor acting for you both can draft a consent order and put it through court. Judge does need to approve it as part of the financial settlement part of the divorce.

As to how I agreed with my exH - well. He made me a low offer. We had a private FDR where a judge told us how he'd rule if it was a real case in Family Court. ExH accepted the ruling and we signed our consent decree.

Sending a spreadsheet back and forwards and discussing via email. He’s incredibly sensitive and protective of his money so it was always going to be a challenge. We’ve gone 50/50 on the house and savings, then our BTL property and pensions are 60/40 to him. My solicitor is questioning it but it’s what I want to get it done quickly. I just hope the court accepts it.

Got all asset values and cetv of all pensions. Then got settlement figures for all debt. Put it on a spreadsheet, calculated 50/50 which ended up with me owing him so we've had that written up by a solicitor and signed it ready to submit when the conditional order is granted.

I make it sound easy but I've paid a lot of his debt off in the last 5 years which he refused to take into account so there was quite a lot of disagreement and he was vile at times.

Firstly we were both united in our desire to only give the absolute minimum to barristers (for court) because that was money to spend on the kids. If you're thinking umm if I go to court we end up paying £20k each it makes you more inclined to not scrap over every penny.
Secondly we understood/felt we needed to split on an equal footing. In similar sized houses so the kids didn't have a big disparity between one home and the other. That meant a nifty bit of maths working out what mortgage each could get with the marital assets split to allow for a deposit. Ie not 50/50 as I was a sahm and we had sen kids so I couldn't work ft.
We went to a counsellor to sort out how our coparenting was going to work. We did about 10 sessions of £60. Invaluable because we worked out most of the anger and made some good decisions and appreciated each others new roles.
We both asked our solicitors what the best was we could get - and what they'd be advising our other halves if they were the client.
We did mediation in 2 sessions. Just to check the fairness of our financial split.
We spent the absolute minimum I think you can on the costs and neither of us resent the other.
Mostly we focused on the kids and what was best for them. Which was that equality moving forward of living conditions, treats, hols etc.
That means neither walked all over the other.

Thanks everyone, that’s really helpful. We really want to avoid lots of legal fees. It’s a 20 year marriage and he earns about 3.5 times what I earn - I’m public sector and full time and top of my scale so can’t earn more. Plus he works long hours so not realistic for him to have DCs (teens) during the week.

I fear we are being naive about it staying amicable.

Since it is amicable, mediation could be a good route but personally i would get legal advice on what is a fair split first.

Mediators should help you get to an agreement that is likely to get approved/signed off by judge, help you think through practicalities re school holidays, parenting roles etc. You can then take what you agree to solicitors.

Personally i got legal advice then went to mediation. Mediation helps focus the mind.

Hi Sashya,

I'm interested in following this route - would you recommend? The negotiations with my stbew are dragging and don't seem 'fair' at all! Roughly, how much did it cost?