Mediation due to child contact

[Smell9696]

Hi everyone!

I have finally after 2 difficult years a
applied to take my ex husband to mediation after constant inconsistent contact with our child. Our Dc is 4. He has agreed to it and the process is underway.

I have never done this before so was wondering if anyone had any tips.

Will the mediation take into account all the times he's not show up/ingored my messsges/cancelled ? I have evidence both written and screenshots of it all from the past 2 years I have things ike previous schedules he's agreed too but not stuck too as well.

My ex is very emotionally and mentally abusive to me and is continuing to be before we've even had our meeting blaming me for his inconcisteny etc. How I've stopped him seeing his child, never the case!

Does it even matter if he's been inconsistent as mediation is ultimately coming to a agreement for the future?

I am unsure how it will work but I have more than enough evidence to back up any false claim he will throw at me but wonder if it will actually be relevant to any outcome.

Why do you want to encourage contact. Mediation isn’t legally binding and even if it was you can’t make the NRP turn up for contact.

All mediation or court will do is negotiate a schedule by which you need to make your child available for contact. No one can make him actually show up. So he may end up negotiating loads of times where you'll be restricted as you're expecting him to have them, but he doesn't show up.

He has started demanding more time with our child even though he can't be consistent so I felt this was my only choice!

I hope he dosent show up!

What are you wanting the outcome to be?

if he wants more contact he’s likely to get it,
you could use mediation to try to put your child at the centre and discuss how inconsistent or no shows impacts your child ( not you) and ensure you focus all discussion with your child’s best interest at heart.

what contact is he proposing and how does that vary to now? Will that change as he starts school? A court won’t force him to turn up or stick to it though

You could ask for a gradual increase, based on consistency.

So the initial contact could be quite small but then if he does that consistently for 3 months it increases a bit etc.

If you reached an agreement, make sure that you both agree to it being written down into an agreement by the mediator. This can then be used in court if it ends up going down that route.
Go in with a plan that you think is best for your child, the ideal plan. Go with a backup plan that isn't the ideal plan but gives a little more. Bullet point reasons, concerns, questions.
Also look at a parenting plan, should be one of the cafcass website. There are some good questions on there that made me think about the plan now and how it needs to be for the longer term, so going from nursery to school, for example.
Mediation with someone isn't recommended, but I tried also. Worth a shot.
If you're aren't sure and need time to think then say that you would like to come back to it in the next session. Make notes. Don't feel.pressured to agree immediately.
But you can't force him to parent. He might want it written up he has your child more nights as evidence for CMS, but then not actually have them.