I am 45 and live with my partner. We have no children and didn’t meet until we were 40 so it is unlikely we will have any. A few days ago was my parent’s golden wedding anniversary and we went to a nice dinner in a pub with them and a number of their friends / relatives, many of whom we haven’t seen for a long time. After that we went back to my parents house where my niece (let’s call her Emily) who has just turned 4 was playing with a golden coloured balloon in the house. Emily is a very happy, sweet, kind, and funny young girl who always cheers people up when she’s around. Unfortunately, she went outside into the back garden and while running around, happy, let go of the balloon and it (being filled with helium) floated up and away out of her grasp. She promptly burst into tears as she watched it fly away and her joy and happiness instantly turned to shock and sadness. She was quiet for the rest of the afternoon. It was one of the most heart braking things I have seen in a long time and has affected me very strongly in the days following. I know it was only a balloon, but her feelings of loss and sadness were as real and painful for her as any loss one may feel in adulthood. I have cried about it myself now several times.
There is a backstory. Unfortunately, my sister (let’s call her Elisabeth, 43, and Emily’s mum) is just going through a painful divorce with her husband. Mercifully it is ‘amicable’ (which I’m told is rare) but my sister was looking forward to a nice family life with Emily and her husband and now that has been taken away from her and she is a single parent. Unfortunately just over a year ago, and not long before she told us that she and her husband were breaking up she suffered a miscarriage. On top of losing her marriage, she has now had to accept that Emily will not have any little brothers or sisters either (or cousins...). Elisabeth does her best to hide her sadness from Emily but I think Emily is still picking up on it and experiencing the same feelings of loss and sadness, even if she doesn’t really yet know why. As I watched the balloon float away I’m afraid it was horribly symbolic. She is still happy most of the time but I notice now (and my sister has told me) that she gets upset about little things that wouldn’t previously have bothered her, and she has quiet moods (not temper-tantrums as such, just bad moods) but when Elisabeth asks her what the matter is Emily doesn’t say. I want so much for Emily’s young life (and sister’s life with her) to be a happy one and I know there is little I can do about any of it except support where possible - I got another of the gold balloons for Emily and tied it to a brick. She didn’t lose that one. The day after the Golden Wedding anniversary was Emily’s 4th birthday and the first time that Mum & Dad are not together on her birthday. I know my sister will have found the day difficult. It’s hard to have to watch all this happen and have little ability to help any of it. Just as it was painfully impossible to get Emily’s balloon back. I’m not sure whether I am asking for anything here and I know this kind of thing happens to people all the time, but that doesn’t make it any easier to deal with.