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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Am I being manipulated

3 replies

MJpreggers · 06/09/2025 18:30

I feel like I'm going insane and I don't know whether its me or my husband or a combination of us both. So tonight me my husband and our two small children are in the kitchen having tea and I ask my husband if he wants my spaghetti (he didn't want the same tea as us so hadn't eaten) he kept replied with "I'm okay" and off hand I said "thank you" not said with any attitude or malice just kind of very conversational (I'm a mum to two small children as well as a teacher so manners is something I'm correcting all the time) I didn't mean anything by it but my husband turned around and replied "oh something I've done wrong again" soni replied saying he hasn't done anything wrong but we do need to be positive role models with manners for the kids to which he turned around and said that "okay so they'll see you always criticize me as a role model then" I told him it was an off cut remark and that I must have been in mum mode to which he said I should have said that after I made the comment so that it didn't become a big thing but I told him I didn't think it needed any comment after it as I just assumed he'd kind of know I didn't mean anything bad by it but it became a huge argument. I told him I didn't expect him to be upset by it and that I dont think he should let it hurt his feelings to which he said I'm the reason why so many men commit suicide with comments like that cause I'm telling him what he should or shouldn't be upset by. this might sound like a really petty argument but arguments like this happen between us all the time and it's exhausting. I told him let's leave it now it's done but he carries it on. is this normal? am I the one who started this? he said this is a form of gas lighting and even though I'm upset I'm also really angry that this was allowed to become an argument. I feel like I'm going insane in my own home and makes me question whether I'm being manipulated? I suppose I'm just looking for some advice or reassurance 😩 sorry for the rant I'm just really angry.

OP posts:
flippityflip · 06/09/2025 18:38

If it is a form of gaslighting it’s a new one on me. You don’t say what age the kids are at but if it’s the physically exhausting under 5s stage and you’re both a bit strung out I’d probably lay off correcting his manners, but equally I’d expect him to stop picking fights. I would say mentioning suicide is worrying and if he isn’t actually depressed or suicidal this is a classic type of manipulation to make the other person unnecessarily worried to force them to change their behaviour. I’d be having a serious conversation to ask him how he is really feeling, that what he said is really concerning and guage his response, flippantly mentioning suicide, and particularly in front of your children is extremely concerning behaviour.

MJpreggers · 06/09/2025 18:49

Sorry I should say that our kids are 3 and 7 (eldest has additional needs) talk of suicide was upstairs while the kids were watching TV while I was getting ready to go out. I didn't mean to correct his manners like I said it was very automatic I think from parenting the kids all day and I just didn't expect such a strong response from him.

OP posts:
Mrsttcno1 · 06/09/2025 19:51

Do you always pick at & correct him though?

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