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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

The finality of it all…

3 replies

Letsdocoffee · 04/09/2025 22:15

Hi all,

iv had a pretty drawn out divorce, which is almost finished, we were due to go to court but have settled and consent order is being drawn up. I feel so anxious about “the end”, the finality of it. I don’t feel relieved I just feel utterly heartbroken.

My STBXH had a fairly long affair, physical and emotional and I was genuinely blindsided by it. We tried to work through it, then he screwed up again, gaslighted me by saying it wasn’t how it looked etc. in the end I filed for divorce and it was the hardest thing iv ever done, I loved him, I loved our life together, that was nearly 2 years ago, so the affair was I guess 3 or 4 years ago.

iv met a great guy, im cautious but happy. I overthink everything, I compare everything too which I know isnt right. But I know moving forwards is the only option now, and he is a good person, I’m extremely fond of him and where it could go.

I’m sitting here tonight alone in my little rental house just sobbing feeling like I cannot believe this has all happened, still. When does it get easier, when does it fade.

I feel bereft at the thought of the finality of the divorce coming through, the feeling of loss I know I’m going to be hit with. We don’t have children so that will be the end of us forever, and it hurts so so much. I know I couldn’t have stayed, he broke me with his behaviour, but I can’t seem to not feel such a sadness even now.

Anyone been in my position re the finality of divorce and how did you cope. I feel like a train is coming toward me.

OP posts:
Lallybroch · 04/09/2025 22:32

When my DD got divorced I remember telling her that she would go through a grieving process similar to when someone dies. I believe that you have to grieve what has happened, what you planned for the future and the loss of your dream. It is hard - I've been there myself and I remember my mum telling me that I would be happy again, but I couldn't believe her at the time. It will take you time, and no one can put a date on that but one day you will wake up and realise that it is not the first thing you thought about, that you are starting to smile again and in the meantime, if you need help processing it then perhaps consider one of the mental health lines so you don't feel quite so isolated. It's hard for you at the moment but hang on in there and be kind to yourself.

millymollymoomoo · 05/09/2025 06:16

You don’t have children so can close that chapter of your life.

allow another one to open

Sally2791 · 05/09/2025 06:24

I agree it can be like grieving after a death, your whole future expectations have changed. I think you will take time to move through the stages of grief and it will feel shit sometimes. Do you have people to lean on in real life? It will get better.

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