Wraparound care

[BookArt55]

New academic year...
I politely message ex to say that the wraparound care had opened for bookings. I did this for two reasons, to make sure that eldest doesn't end up sitting in reception waiting for me to pick him up because dad hadn't, he was distraught when it happened before. But also to put in the boundary that it is his job to organise wraparound care in his time.

The court order says his time starts at school pick up. School day ends at 3.15pm. So I see it as it is his responsibility to either pick eldest up at 3.15pm, or sort the club. The court order also says that we can not book things for the other parents time... fine with me!

Also, Nursery have now changed their plan, i pay for all of the nursery. However they have now included a new/extra charge between 7.30am-8am. I don't need this time, and i don't know if ex does, so i just informed him of this at the same time.

He's gone ape at me. Says I should pay for the lot. He pays CMS and nothing else. That i should have already booked and paid for his needs, despite no conversation ever having taken place about what his needs are and still having not a solid understanding.

I simply said it was his responsibility, that is he is unable to pick the kids up then to let school and nursery know that I will pick them up instead (I gave them the court order so he doesn't try to pick the kids up on my time). He now has told me I need to pick them both up (nursery ends at 6pm) and meet him at our handover location at 4.15pm. Even if in wanted to, i can't make it for that time, and don't understand why he can't pick up the youngest.

Do I need to pay for wraparound care when the court order says from school pick up/drop off?
If he doesn't pick them up from school and nursery and i get the call to collect them, then I don't think i should have to be his free childcare/chaffeur/nanny. I think the kids should stay with me.

I just want the kids to have consistency and routine, something he doesn't agree they need. It was an Abusive relationship, some of which is noted in court order against me. Everything is a battle, I mean everything. I offer options, and possible solutions. He wants everything his way, last minute, and no discussion or compromise.

Any help would be appreciated. Bit nervous about this one because of the court order.

He is a lunatic sadly.

It is very very obvious that a court order saying you pick up from school means you pick up at school finish time!

It was polite of you to share the wraparound info but unnecessary. He ought to be checking that stuff and booking and paying for it as necessary.

Why are you paying for all the nursery?

Hopefully you are communicating with him on one of the court approved apps? It will be useful to have evidence of unreasonable behaviour and not sticking to the order.

I don't think you should be getting involved at all on his pick up days but I can see why it'd be tempting.

Presumably if he dropped the younger one at 7.30 they'd bill you? I think I'd assume that will happen.

You need to make the school / nursery aware of the court order. If he tries to drop dc off at nursery early, they tell him it’s too early and he has to wait. If he fails to collect dc from school, they need to phone him and bill him for wraparound care on his pick up night.

Thank you!
Nursery and school both have the court order, I've also informed them in writing since receiving his messages that any extra bookings invoices need to be sent to dad. He was booking things towards the end of last year, expecting me to pay, not actually using them- all about spending as much as he can of my money. After sending the emails I panicked and posted on here.

I pay all of nursery as the court order says school/nursery pick up and drop-off, so even during the school holidays the kids come back to me early morning. I work term time, he can't be trusted to have them for longer than the court order states.

I did contemplate not telling him about these things, he should know as much as I do from third parties. However seeing our eldest so distraught about not being picked up, me being called instead as dad didn't answer the phone, our child has SEND so likes to know the plan, then dad mucked us around for over an 1.5hrs then I dropped both kids off at the neutral handover location. It was so tough for the kids, so many tears, after effect wad uncertainty of if he would be forgotten at school again... I was trying to protect the kids, but I need to probably stop that and let dad muck up

We use OFW, god send. Couldn't do without it.

The constant battles all the time is draining.

Update: he is now saying he won't pick them up, won't pay for wraparound care and had told me I need to pick them both up and drop them off to him at 4.15pm (not possible, I am a teacher). And if I don't do this he will call social services and the police as I am withholding contact.

He has also said that if a child is ill with him that he will now be keeping them until they are better...
Since we got thr court order earlier this year, where it says school pick up and school drop off, or Sunday (time is clearly stated), I have collected the children and looked after them. He reslly can't be trusted... short story. By his reasoning our daughter shouldn't have gone to his last week as she had an ear infection, and also has had two operations this year so wouldn't have gone to his, but we still followed the court order then. I think in this case I would call the police and explain that he hasn't returned them???

So looks like next week will be interesting when it's his contact! Shall keep my phone on and follow through. Notified everyone that I can... we shall see!

Just follow the order. I can’t quite follow what’s happened but it seems you have been stepping in when it’s his time to cover for him which is confusing the issue and possibly making him think he can get away with making demands knowing you won’t want the dc to get upset if they are left waiting.

I am sure as a teacher you know you’ve nothing to fear from social services or the police if he’s doesn’t do what the order says and you do. It’s far more likely school / nursery will report him to social services if he repeatedly fails to collect on time. In other countries it’s standard to report to social services after repeated late collections.

If school calls you because he hasn’t shown up then I would collect them and he forfeits that day. I would also get school to inform him if that happens. I wouldn’t contact him myself if he’s abusive. I wouldn’t be running around to drop them off as then there is no incentive for him to change. You wouldn’t be preventing contact he would have failed to show up for contact.