Moving out with the children

Nootnoot1 · 2025-08-31T04:31:47+00:00

Currently living together with stbx and two young children. I want to move out with the children into rented as the environment is getting hostile and I think it would be better for the children. STBX refuses to move out. STBX is going for primary care though and I know they would not agree with me moving out with the kids, what can I do? Can they prevent me from doing this? I've tried organising mediation and I've had the MIAM but he's not responding to it and wants to arrange his own mediator.

BookArt55 · 31/08/2025 16:05

So tough...
If you choose to move out I would suggest taking 50%/everything that is yours. Once you are out, you won't be going back.
How old are the kids? What do they want?
Seek legal advice.
Who is the primary carer or is it shared pre split?

Original poster

Nootnoot1 · 31/08/2025 16:13

BookArt55 · 31/08/2025 16:05

So tough...
If you choose to move out I would suggest taking 50%/everything that is yours. Once you are out, you won't be going back.
How old are the kids? What do they want?
Seek legal advice.
Who is the primary carer or is it shared pre split?

Thanks for the response. It is indeed a tough situation. Son is 2, daughter is 4 years. They don't know about the situation! I wouldn't be moving far due to school. I would say I am the primary carer as I work part time, STBX works full time.

OP posts:

BookArt55 · 31/08/2025 16:19

You need to gather evidence that you are the primary carer, anything, including getting medical notes as it will say you attended the appt with them.
Let him choose the mediator, but get the certificate from yours to say what you have done.
It's tricky. My ex did agree kids were moving out with me, but then we got to court he said I stole them. With no court order in place ex could have time with them and refuse to give them back. Mediation and getting the agreement written up in the session and signed won't stop ex keeping the kids, but it will support you if you end up in court.
Is there any reason ex shouldn't have 50/50?

Original poster

Nootnoot1 · 31/08/2025 16:50

BookArt55 · 31/08/2025 16:19

You need to gather evidence that you are the primary carer, anything, including getting medical notes as it will say you attended the appt with them.
Let him choose the mediator, but get the certificate from yours to say what you have done.
It's tricky. My ex did agree kids were moving out with me, but then we got to court he said I stole them. With no court order in place ex could have time with them and refuse to give them back. Mediation and getting the agreement written up in the session and signed won't stop ex keeping the kids, but it will support you if you end up in court.
Is there any reason ex shouldn't have 50/50?

This is what I'm afraid off, ex refusing to hand the children back to me if we did 50/50. I don't see a reason why he shouldn't have 50/50 but he is going for primary, I think to punish me and so he has more chance of keeping the house.

OP posts:

BookArt55 · 31/08/2025 19:50

Yeh that appears to be a common thing regarding the house and primary carer, or at least it was with my ex. Your role would be to show that you are the main carer and that consistency is important for the kids. But if a court order is put in place, then he should follow it unless there are major safeguarding issues. A court order might be what you need to give that security and routine the kids need.
It's a tough one, if you leave with no agreement, he potentially could keep the kids at the next contact saying you left with no agreement and he worries you won't let him see them. If you stay they, and you, have to deal with that awful atmosphere. I would seek legal advice. It could be a solicitor letter with the agreement outlined and sent home with a start date could provide you evidence of trying to foster a positive relationship with dad... then once the letter is sent you move out by the start date. But I wouldn't necessarily tell him you're moving out. I'd plan it all behind the scenes, move out while he is at work. Notify him once you're out and reiterate the plan for the children. However, I would get legal advice before doing anything. You need to reasonable for the kids, but also because you aren't going to agree to him being primary, he's being unreasonable to ask for primary, so it may end up in court. You may want to follow LegallyNik on intagram. She is a solicitor who does one on one online meetings for cheaper than a solicitor. She gives great advice.