Husbands depression or is it just him?

[Hello1989]

hi all I did post on another thread about my story but to summarise my husband has adhd went into rehab in July for weed addiction. We have a 18 month old baby. Whilst he was there he was emotionally abusive sent me threats around custody finances and was just horrendous. He got told to stay for 90 days and checked himself out after 30. We are now 7 weeks post him coming out and I have agreed to let him come home for a couple nights here and there as I am really struggling with exhaustion over all of this and I don’t have family who can help me with our little one. I should note his entire family support me as he has also been awful to them. My question here is that his anger has massively calmed down but he has quit the weed ‘for me’ he said and that he hated being back on his adhd medication. His psychiatrist has been sending me regularly updates as the issue now is that he is depressed being rude, dismissive and disengaged. The nastiness has stopped but it just feels like I’m living with a moody teenager. He is lovely to our daughter and to his friends but not to me or his parents. How long shall I wait to pull the plug, I’ve had legal advice and I know my rights etc I’m more asking if anyone’s had experience with post rehab depression ?

If you know you are going to pull the plug, do it now.

If you are undecided, there is no one who can tell you how much time to give him to recover from addiction and depression. This is because no two situations are alike. When you feel you are done, and then you have slept on it and still feel done, that is when you pull the plug.

Because you have said he has anger issues, if there is ever any domestic abuse of you or the baby, then you pull the plugs even if you don’t feel done.

It would be a good idea for you to get a therapist too. Being the carer of a mentally ill partner while being a new mum is an extremely stressful situation. You have no family support, so that makes it super hard. So look for a therapist or support group so you can get support too.

My husband has chronic depression and at times he wants to offload his feelings on to me. It is totally legit to say kindly that hey save that for your next therapy session because a) I hear you and that sounds awful to be feeling, b) I wish I could help you but c) this is something only your therapist can help you navigate.

Just bloody leave, who could be arsed.

thann you for your advice it’s so hard as I get snippets of seeing the old him so I don’t know whether to wait a little longer in case it gets better. I find it hard as whilst he was being emotional abusive in rehab I was looking after our daughter solely for weeks now (I always have in the relationship) and now he’s back it’s the same but with the extra stress of what his moods going to be like, for example today he’s slept all day

Depression doesn’t mean actively being a shit to other people or blaming them for everything wrong in your life.
I’d say you’ve seen who he really is and you’ve just told us you’re better off without him. So lose him. It’s not your responsibility to fix him. It’s his.

Yes I know it’s the reality of the situation it just feels horrendous the thought of having to spend time away from our daughter to be honest I know the reality of what he would get so I’m not worried about 50:50 custody but it’s still so heartbreaking because I come from a broken home myself but my mum was an alcoholic so I know how much it will impact her if I stay and he relapses plus all the mental health issues