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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

I don’t know what to do.

7 replies

Annonymous123456 · 30/08/2025 11:00

I am really struggling and I don’t know who to turn to or what to do.

i have been in my current relationship for 6 years and we have a 1 year old son together. Our relationship has had a lot of ups and downs and we’ve separated a few times, but never for long.

in many ways he is the best partner I’ve ever had he’s kind, generous and dotes on me. But he can be very nasty, he has huge mood swings and I never know what to expect. I feel like I walk on eggshells around him a lot of the time as any small criticism can make him angry. He lies a lot, mainly about drinking as he knows I don’t like it. Both our parents were addicts and so I am super sensitive to any addictive behaviour around our son.

He’s also really pushy for sex even if we’ve been arguing all day he will come to bed and harass me and if I say no, as sex is more of an emotional connection for me he will get moody and we argue. So most of the time I just give in.

I used to go to friends and family when things were bad and talk things through for clarity but my family love him and always advice me to stay with him and my friends get bored of listening and think we should break up.

i feel like I’ve given so many chances and he desperately wants to stay together so agrees to anything I say when we are close to breaking up but no change is ever sustained and he doesn’t stick at counselling or not drinking for long. I don’t think he actually sees any issue with his anger and drinking but just agrees with me to save the relationship.

Am I being an idiot should we break up or is this normal. I feel constantly unsure of myself now.

OP posts:
DeeKitch · 30/08/2025 11:03

They never change, lots of love to you x

Mrsttcno1 · 30/08/2025 11:53

He’ll never change because he doesn’t have to, his actions have no consequences and his life stays the same. The only thing you can control is how much of your life you want to waste waiting for the impossible. You are allowed to walk away and for what it’s worth I really hope you do.

DeeKitch · 30/08/2025 12:10

May I ask how much he drinks and how is he with his mother? Sorry if too nosy x

Annonymous123456 · 30/08/2025 12:16

His mum is no longer with us but their relationship was very strained. He drinks every weekend smoked weed every day. I wouldn’t mind so much as he keeps it seperate from our child most of the time. But he is soo up and down and it feels like daily responsibilities are a chore and we are just in the way of him having fun.

OP posts:
DeeKitch · 30/08/2025 12:26

Seems his drug and weed habit makes him have mood swings

does he drink during the week?

MySweetMaggie · 30/08/2025 21:47

Alanon can help you to individuate from an addict and then make a clearer decision about moving forward with your life. What you're describing is a pretty typical life with someone reliant on substances. It won't get better and he won't change, so you have to.

Starterover · 29/09/2025 09:11

I think you do know he has a problem and you DO know what you have to do. You have a very young son - don’t pass this trauma onto him. I also think you need to do something about the sex situation. If you don’t feel like it it shouldn’t happen and you should not feel harassed. Please put yourself first and make sure you’re okay so you can take the best care of your son. Sending a hug 🤗

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