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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Want to be on my own after 1st baby

16 replies

Peachtree25 · 29/08/2025 22:15

I am currently 4 months pp with my first child and have never been so unhappy with my relationship. She is both our first child and we have been together for 6 years now, however my partner came out of prison after 2 years when she was 7 weeks old. We have grown up with eachother and we have always got through everything but just not feeling like it will happen this time or if I even want to. He treat me so amazing whilst he was inside and said he was a changed man and I really believed him as I know he’s a good person and even tho he’s not doing anything he was before that he went to prison for, so he has changed in that sense, he’s not being so shitty with me.

The day we left the hospital he spoke to me like shit as we were leaving, yes we were both sleep deprived but I would never do that with him consider I had just given birth over 3 days, which ruined the whole experience for me. He’s always making belittling comments calling me fat then saying he’s joking. I have a business which I’m very proud of, that I started whilst he was inside and 6 days after giving birth I was back at it even being by myself with my daughter as I have no family and I still am now but he drags me down saying that’s all I care about instead of her which of course I don’t it’s just my income and I do it for a better life for us all. He makes me feel guilty all the time but never helps out, I’m the only one who gets up in the night as he claims he can’t hear her, when I get back from work I get her as soon as I walk through the door I also get her to sleep and up early and sorted for the day he does not. When we go out it’s me that’s making sure she has everything but he’s just on his phone 24/7, to the point other people have said that all he does is gone on his phone. He has such a short temper with me and belittles me constantly even tho im doing the best I can.
I am also dealing with health issues physically and mentally after the birth which I kept to myself as I am strong headed and dont like to talk about my feelings, however I opened up to him and he was insta ing at first but now uses it against me and says im crazy and that the issues are because of my PPD which they aren’t at all. He doesn’t appreciate me I do all the cleaning, I pay for a lot and I do most stuff with our daughter.
I do love him as he’s my family and my best friend and I know he’s struggling with adjusting to getting out and now having a child but I don’t think I can put up with much more, I admit I am short tempered and stressed but I was absolutely fine until he came home and now I’m so depressed I’m starting to scare myself as I have no one to talk to.
not really sure where I’m going with this but I just need advice on what to do as I know he’s a good person he’s just selfish and doesn’t like to talk accountability at all.
if anyone could give me advice I would really appreciate it thankyou😊

OP posts:
TortoiseMantle · 29/08/2025 22:19

How did he get out of prison after two years when she was seven weeks old? It doesn’t add up.

Get rid of him.

Peachtree25 · 29/08/2025 22:22

We concieved her whilst he was in open prison, he is an amazing dad which is why I’m struggling and we’ve been together a long time it’s just how he’s being towards me

OP posts:
Spies · 29/08/2025 22:22

Her father got out of prison after 2 years when she was 7 weeks old...

Leave and do it alone because he's obviously not her father.

Peachtree25 · 29/08/2025 22:24

Think I should have added that he’s been coming home since July last year as he was in open prison, very judgy to say he’s not the father as he most certainly is, a simple question would of cleared that up instead of assuming???

OP posts:
Peachtree25 · 29/08/2025 22:38

Advice would be great instead of the judgement about the prison comment… wanted to get other peoples pov on if their partners acted different after first having a baby and if it got better over time or not

OP posts:
Needmorelego · 29/08/2025 22:42

Just leave him.
Being separated may make him change his behaviour and he can still be a part of you and your baby's life.
Staying together I fear would get worse.
Do you somewhere you can go? Would he leave without kicking up a fuss.
Is where you live in your name or both your names?

Spies · 29/08/2025 22:43

Well I had no idea prisoners could apparently just go home just a few months into their sentence, hardly seems like there was much point in sending him to prison if I'm honest.

Truthfully what advice do you honestly want. Of course he won't get better. He's abusive, selfish, takes no accountability, has alienated you and has been in prison. He seems to add nothing good to your life or have any positive features so yes of course you and your child should leave.

Needmorelego · 29/08/2025 22:51

@Peachtree25 if you need help in getting assistance with leaving (or getting him to leave) you could talk to your Health Visitor as a starting point and they will be able to signpost you in the right direction.
Stay safe 💐

Wordless · 29/08/2025 23:12

What can you possibly mean by he is an amazing dad given the behaviour - to you and to his child - you have just described?

Blueuggboots · 29/08/2025 23:28

He’s not an amazing dad. He’s being vile to his daughter’s mum, that makes him a cunt.
dump him.

BoredZelda · 29/08/2025 23:31

An amazing dad doesn’t call his child’s mother fat.

nannyrosy · 29/08/2025 23:34

if you people don’t know what your talking about why comment , prisoners are allowed to spend time at home once they are moved to an open prison to adjust to coming out.
very blunt and nasty comments being made to somebody who is feeling low and wanting some friendly advice , obviously leaving this relationship is a big step for her so why not be supportive it could be yourself at some point how would you feel !!
peachtree 25 remember you’ve been doing this on your own already so you know you can do it x hopefully it will all become clear what you have to do

LittleGreenDragons · 29/08/2025 23:55

I didn't read all that tbh. I can't see what you find so supportive or loveable or kind or respectful about him. He doesn't seem a pleasant human being at all.

Get rid of him OP, he will only drag you down and make you feel worthless. Once he's done that to you he will start on the child. You want that? You want to watch him bully and abuse your baby because he has taken away your self worth and eestem and you were too broken to protect them? Because that is what will happen, I can promise you that.

sittingonabeach · 30/08/2025 00:00

Has he any good points? He won’t get better he will just get worse

Peachtree25 · 30/08/2025 00:23

I do think there’s a lot of judgement with the prison situation, people make mistakes he didn’t hurt anyone apart from himself and me which was unintentional, yes he is being vile to me with the comments but he does it in a joking way if that makes sense it’s like he doesn’t think I’ll take it to heart.

he has a lot of childhood trauma himself and we are like I said overly comfortable as we’ve been with eachother since we were children basically, it’s both of our home as we bought it together so it wouldn’t be an option to just leave. It would be a massive step if I was to as it’s all I’ve known and we’ve always been there for eachother, this has only just started since I’ve given birth so it’s really bizarre. He has autism, you wouldn’t be able to tell he just comes across as awkward, so he doesn’t cope well with change so I’m not sure if it’s him lashing out because of that and dragging me down as a reflection of how he’s feeling/viewing himself but it’s getting to me a lot. He is really good with our daughter when I’m not there it’s like when I am there he thinks it should all be on me as I’m working at the moment and he’s not.
like I mentioned I am heavily struggling with ppd and lack of sleep as I have a lot of pressure in me personal and business life so I know I am being moodier than normal. I wasn’t sure if maybe that’s why I’m getting so upset about things I normally would take as a joke or if it is him that’s the problem and him adjusting with being back out and me being a lot more independent than I use to be.
i don’t know much about ppd and if dads can also get some sort of condition from becoming new parents themselves which may explain the behaviour, id just like peoples opinions on that and if they’ve had similar with their partners

OP posts:
TortoiseMantle · 30/08/2025 00:39

Peachtree25 · 30/08/2025 00:23

I do think there’s a lot of judgement with the prison situation, people make mistakes he didn’t hurt anyone apart from himself and me which was unintentional, yes he is being vile to me with the comments but he does it in a joking way if that makes sense it’s like he doesn’t think I’ll take it to heart.

he has a lot of childhood trauma himself and we are like I said overly comfortable as we’ve been with eachother since we were children basically, it’s both of our home as we bought it together so it wouldn’t be an option to just leave. It would be a massive step if I was to as it’s all I’ve known and we’ve always been there for eachother, this has only just started since I’ve given birth so it’s really bizarre. He has autism, you wouldn’t be able to tell he just comes across as awkward, so he doesn’t cope well with change so I’m not sure if it’s him lashing out because of that and dragging me down as a reflection of how he’s feeling/viewing himself but it’s getting to me a lot. He is really good with our daughter when I’m not there it’s like when I am there he thinks it should all be on me as I’m working at the moment and he’s not.
like I mentioned I am heavily struggling with ppd and lack of sleep as I have a lot of pressure in me personal and business life so I know I am being moodier than normal. I wasn’t sure if maybe that’s why I’m getting so upset about things I normally would take as a joke or if it is him that’s the problem and him adjusting with being back out and me being a lot more independent than I use to be.
i don’t know much about ppd and if dads can also get some sort of condition from becoming new parents themselves which may explain the behaviour, id just like peoples opinions on that and if they’ve had similar with their partners

He’s not joking, he’s being a cruel, abusive araehole and you’d be better off without him.

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