First summer as a single parent

[herethereandeverywhatnow]

I’m really struggling at the moment (today especially) and wanted to ask if this is normal and if it gets better?
background is that I left DP in the spring due to years of misery and EA. I’m living in a temporary rented flat while he is in the family home, nothing resolved over selling it/fixed arrangements for custody etc and he and I are still emotionally entangled (he doesn’t accept that it’s over and I have been controlled by him for so long that i’m struggling to tell him to back off).
Usually our summer holidays consist of 3 weeks spent visiting his family in his home country (our “holiday”) and the remainder of the time the children are at holiday clubs, all arranged by me (and me doing doing the running around). I’ve never really just had time off and hung out at home with the children who are now 6 and 9. But this year he took them away as usual, leaving me at home working, then the other half of the holidays they’ve been with me. I paid for a week of holiday club while I worked, but the last weeks of the break I’m off work with them, and I’m doing such a terrible job!! Their screen time has gone through the roof, and today I had a massive headache and came back to bed… it’s after midday and I’m still there. I’ve literally never done this as a parent and yet here I am…
I am feeling really awful about my parenting, I thought I would do loads of outings and activities with them but they have been really hard work plus I’m worried about spending money. I generally am finding them hard to deal with and feel like I try to do as little as possible as when we were together I was never allowed to by him - their screen time was strictly limited and it was outings and activities nonstop even if he wasn’t there, I had to run the whole show according to his requirements.
so I feel like a massive failure for not taking them out and doing stuff - plus he then asks what they’ve been doing and has a go at me if he finds out it’s very little. Also this week in particular ex is leaning on me heavily for emotional support with a very stressful work issue, calling multiple times a day etc which really doesn’t help! So please tell me….
does it get easier?
does everyone feel like this? Am I just feeling so shit because he controlled me and actually it’s quite normal to get like this at the end of a very long time off school??

The reason you feel so worn out is you’ve got no boundaries and your Ex is still draining the life out of you.

Those calls need to stop. You are not in a relationship with him anymore, you are not his emotional support animal.

I was in a similar position last year. He was showing up at the house sometimes 6 times a day to drop stuff off or pick the kids up and I felt I was having to talk to him constantly.

I gently tried to set some boundaries. He went nuts, went from just being an emotionally abusive arsehole to threatening physical violence. This made it easier for me because I just refused to let him in my house after that. We communicate via the amicable app regarding contact with the kids.

It’s a year on, I divorced him and bought him out of our home so now it’s just mine. It’s so peaceful, I’m less stressed and everything is so much calmer.

It’ll be easier once you set some boundaries.

Very normal. I feel physically ill - I’ve got nothing left in me now. I hope it gets easier too but I suspect I am a few years away from it.

You need boundaries.
Only conversation should be about the kids. Given the EA it needs to be in writing only.
I often find that if I get my two out of the house by 9am to a new park, bike ride, free event with the council or parks trust, rhat we get home by midday, have lunch and then I don't feel so bad letting them have screen time.or an afternoon movie. It's good they can relax in their new home, they can truly settle in.
If ex is rude then tell him you're hanging up. But then, it should all be in writing.
He won't put boundaries in place you need to. You are emotionally burnt out, and that means you aren't fully present with your kids. Completely understandable. Go to the GP and ask for a counselling referral. Work through these things, you will come out stronger.

The good thing is that he can take them on all these outings on his time. You are no longer accountable to him (not that you ever were).

Thank you all so much… yes I was starting to realise that the total lack of boundaries was probably a big part of the issue… i really need to find a better way to navigate all of this, because as you say @BookArt55i need to be able to be present with my children and currently I manage that some of the time but certainly not all of it. This isn’t just a summer holiday problem (though for sure it doesn’t help!!)

I still struggle to be present. But now using our family wizard with the ex, I switch off notifications and only check the app when the kids are in bed. It has really helped to stop me overthinking/worrying/rereading everything a million times. Everything is also documented so can be used in court which helped me massively. Ex tried to say he couldn't afford it, but I just declined to use anything else and blocked all other forms of contact. It was one of the biggest boundaries I put in place, so he couldn't pester me all day, every day. You can do it, it takes time, practice, good advice and growing your own confidence back!