Dreading my birthday/Halloween/Christmas…everything!

[GhostieSpooks]

Does anyone else dread the “firsts” during separation?

Your first birthday after separating when you would normally do something nice with your H and have a little family party.

Halloween (when you would both be costume shopping and trick or treating together with your child) I’ve left the family home and in the old street Halloween was a huge deal.

And…dreaded Christmas! I normally love Christmas. This year I am dreading it. I don’t know how the logistics will work. Thinking of our last Christmas as a family is so painful. The old family home was all the children ever knew. Nothing will ever be the same. It’s very painful.

How to get through all of these firsts without becoming overwhelmed in sadness 😔 All I can think about is my old family home and my old life.

Try and focus on the reasons for the separation. You’ll be able to invent and mould your own Christmas with none of the compromise. For example my husband won’t get up so we have to all wait for him to get up for the young dc to open presents. This is always shit for them and for me enabling it. Never have to do that again.

you can make new traditions and special things that come from your ideas and the kids. Like a blank Christmas canvas!

there may be times when you don’t have the kids on Christmas Day - so what? Do a full Christmas Day on Christmas Eve or Boxing Day with them.Do it all. Who says presents are only special on the 25th? You can do this!

My 2nd since separation but first with no children. I've sat down amd planned my Fake Christmas day,got a plan in my head and have a goal to work towards. I'm now calling our fake Christmas as just Christmas and then Christmas day is now called boring Christmas 😄 my birthday is am making plans with friends and having a fake birthday the week before, amae with all celebrations. I think it is about reframing it in your mind. The first year is hard because of the unknown, there is no plan. So maybe approach that conversation now... if you can. If you can't and you're going through the court system so waiting for a decision then I suggest being super organised and focus on the things you can control. Last year my court date was ten days before Christmas, so I planned everything, including a back up date, and went with it.
So hard, focus on what you can control.

This will be my first Christmas too. STBExH and I have agreed to spend it together, but inwardly I'm dreading it. Either we'll still both be living in the family home or we'll have our own places and then it'll be up to the kids whose house we spend it in, but the other person will be on an airbed or couch, so that's loads of fun.

We separated in April after he came out, had been lying to me (and to himself I guess) for 11 years and it has devastated me. I've recently started antidepressants and am on the referral list for therapy, he is happy and looking forward to getting his own place. The only thing I'm looking forward to about getting my own place is how much less housework I'll have and that I don't have to look at his happy face on a daily basis.