How do I get my ducks in a row

[CDucksinarowhelp246813579]

I need to leave my partner. we have 2 young children and most of the time we are good, but when we aren’t it’s so miserable.
he will talk over me, he is never wrong/wont listen to my opinion/thoughts on things and he does half get angry. Today in the car he absolutely screamed at me with the kids in the back, it was awful, this is what’s made me decide enough is enough there is no way I’m letting my children grow up around that even if it is rare, which is really is, I don’t want my DB thinking that’s how you treat your wife and I don’t want my DD basing her idea of a relationship on that. They are the sweetest kindest kids i’m not having anything or anyone influence them otherwise.

but honestly I have no idea how to do this, we aren’t married (which is probably going to hinder me rather than help I guess?) we have a small mortgage on the house and we are both on the deeds/mortgage but I own a larger % as the deposit was all mine so i wanted that protected, so what I put in is mine plus 50% of any equity it’s got in the mean time.

the main problem is I work very part time for his company I don’t earn a lot and obviously it’s his business, which works great for childcare etc I don’t have any savings so I just feel really at a loss

so what do I need to do? My family are 2 hours away, I’ve asked him to stay with his mum for a few nights but that doesn’t seem to be happening.

Well
you need to secure an alternative full time income
or possibly or and uc top up ( but your share of equity might impact that )

csn you afford to buy out his share of house ? If not, will he agree the sale?

Not being married makes things both harder & easier really.

Easier in that house wise you get your deposit back as protected & 50% of the equity, worse though in that that’s literally all you’re going to get. None of his pension, savings etc, so you don’t really have many ducks to get in a row- good & bad thing I suppose.

Your main thing, and not a quick fix, is you need an income independent of him & to be earning enough to support yourself and the kids. If you want to keep the house you’ll need to buy him out which will require you having an income to afford that mortgage, or you let him buy you out but still need an income for a roof over your heads & bills- all you’re going to get from him is child maintenance.

Well he doesn’t have a pension or any savings (I have a pension) so really won’t be missing out on anything there so maybe it’s actually not so much of a hindrance that we aren’t married
so really the main thing is getting a different job so that I can get a mortgage on the house. luckily it’s a small mortgage only just over £500 per month and 40% loan to value

Take the kids and go to your parents. Take a parent and meet with him and explain you want an amicable divorce that you are not going to be screamed at etc (make sure parent there is going to back you up 100% make sure they won’t side or agree with him) say you want an amicable split and can buy him out (if you can) or he can buy you out. He can move out but you and the kids aren’t with him in the house etc

say you are going to look for full time but in the meantime you are protected by law within your job.

If you are going to have to work part time or do the lion share of parenting ask for a higher split eg 75%

@Peaceandlabradors why would he agree that!

op his much equity is there?
remember you’ll need to take over the current mortgage and increase it for his share unless you have savings to pay him. You’ll need to pass lender affordability checks

and that’s if he agrees fir you to buy his share.
if he doesn’t t you could end up in a long and costly battle to force a sale - so best to try to get him to agree

That may be the case now but it will go up when you have to buy him out.

@Peaceandlabradors they are not married

can’t work out the % on equity but here are the figures

We bought the house for £280k it’s now worth £330k so that 50k is 50/50 equity and I put down about £130k I think it was and he put in 25k
so what ever happens I’d get what I put back in plus the share of the difference and he’d get 25k and his share
if that makes sense
I haven’t got the money to buy him out, but I do have an asset I could sell for maybe 12-15k if I needed too, then if I can get a full time job hopefully I’d be mortgagable for the rest. I don’t have any other debt.

just not sure quite how to manage a full time job with the children, I do all the childminder runs/childcare etc atm but other people do it so it must be possible

Oh yes of course I just mean it’s not huge atm so it’s not like it’s high as a starting point

So You’re going to owe him 75k and need to take on a mortgage of 180k

will you be able to do so? What kind of ft wage will you have ? Childcare costs? What cms will you get ?

Probably not, but I could downsize a little. I need to probably have a sit down with my very lovely and supportive family and work out my options. I can play the long game for now and work out a plan but first thing to do is go and find a job and get some money I think

Why would she owe him £75k?

she only owes him £50k - which is his £25k deposit plus £25k half of the equity.

Yeah you’re right

she still needs to be able to take on the current mortgage ( 125k) and give him the 50k so will need a mortgage in the region of 175k.

really just seeing if that’s feasible

Bump

Surely the figures are:
280,000 purchase price.
130,000 OP deposit
25,000 DP deposit
125,000 mortgage

330,000 current value
50,000 increase ÷ 2 = 25,000

OP receives 130,000 + 25,000 = 155,000
DP receives. 25,000 + 25,000 = 50,000
Mortgage paid off = 125,000