Custody Schedule - Ex doing bare minimum

[Margot87]

I have had informal custody arrangements for 2 years post seperating. The reason was because I had exams etc so it I could commit to set weekends. However my ex does the bare minimum- e.g turns up at random
times, when he does have her he will take her to scheduled activities and then dump her at the with me at the house. It’s the school holidays and I have done 5 weeks of care. He did one week where she again was dumped with family so he could go on a jolly with a mate. He has also booked a 7 day holiday for himself during term time. She has additional needs and I have real concerns. Can I get a custody schedule with set times for weekend custody, pick up and drop off time etc and holiday apportionment etc? I know he can bail but if I could get something rubber stamped by court it would be in his interests to adhere also k need some safeguards for my daughter

The court won't force him to have her, so even if you had something official there's nothing to make him stick to it unfortunately.... It's shit but it's the way the system currently is.

However if there's safeguarding concerns about him then is it in the child's best interest to see him?

This.

It depends on what you’d be hoping to get out of the court process. If you want him to be forced to be consistent etc then don’t bother because no court will ever make him so it would be a waste of your time and money.

Yes I am aware unfortunate they can’t be forced however my hope is at least having something official may make him
adhere to his responsibility. I want my child to be able to see him etc. safeguarding is absolutely the last resort but something may need to consider in the future

I just got respite from disabled child social care for child with additional needs. Ex got a new gf and started to use all his holiday for childfree breaks. You can’t make someone do the right thing. He knows it’s hard work which is why he avoids it. A piece of paper from a court won’t make any difference.

My social worker says she hears this all the time & it’s always the man who stops using their annual leave to spend with their children and uses it for themselves. Social care have really stepped up since I’ve been single parent as it’s not in their interests for you to burn out. Ask for a carer and disabled child assessment and tell them the dad does virtually no care.

I think you can offer a set schedule and if he doesn’t turn up then don’t offer alternatives just say you’ve missed it and will have to wait until next date but the downside is you get fewer breaks and I suppose it depends whether it will make him be more reliable or he just won’t be bothered.