How do you manage the logistics?

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I'm on the brink of splitting with my partner (2 kids & a home we own but not married). I keep lying awake in the middle of the night stressing about the details of how on earth you make shared custody work.

I have no idea what he's thinking re 50/50 vs weekdays/weekends etc but I'd be VERY unhappy with anything less than 50/50 for me but I just can't imagine splitting the school week & kids needing loadsa kit in 2 properties & how do they make sure they have their uniform & school books & the laundry etc

My kids are older & they have music lessons & gym membership etc & I can't imagine how all this can work in 2 locations without huge upheaval (and obviously I want to minimise disruption)

Any tips for what works?

What do you mean by less than 50/50?

That you'd be unhappy having the children more than 50% of the time?

Or unhappy having them less than 50% of the time?

It's uncommon for 50/50 in the uk but it shouldn't be

I think a lot will depend on if you're going to continue being a home owner.

There's more help if you're going to be low income if you have them more than 50% of the time

Sorry I wasn’t clear. I very much hope to have custody of my kids 50% of the time & ideally much more. Not sure what the pathway will be to clarifying this & no idea what my OH is thinking

I can’t afford to keep the main house we own, would need to downsize or rent something much smaller my partner could keep the big house financially but would need to pay me out (I guess)

how do they make sure they have their uniform & school books & the laundry etc
You do it at yours, as presumably you always have, and he does it at his. Not your problem.

How old are your children?

If the dc are older their views would be given weight. Mine wanted one home and to visit dad. He made that easy by moving away and then when he moved closer not having a suitable place but they wouldn’t have wanted to shuttle between two houses as teens. If you move out then I would say for teens bedroom space and having their tech / computers and being close to friends is important. Living space / garden was a lot less important as older teens - they lived in their rooms.

I still stress over it. Mainly because my ex won't discuss anything with me. My ex initiated it. I did lawyer up but that became fo costly. In the midst of school and other bills haven't gone to the Court to file yet. So we have an informal agreement that works. Not a huge fan as I have only one weekend every other week. I have majority of the weekday.

I literally stress over the schedule. My biggest concern is the children and what's best for them. Have a baby and an almost six year old. Six year old doesn't like to be at their mom's to long of a time. I am not a fan of my ex choices for babysitter of the children when she is at work. All these factors stress me out.

There's so much stress and anxiety trust me! Need to work on ways to cope and manage.

Best of luck!

@BigCity that’s useful information- thank you for sharing, you are right.

@ILikePizza2025 i’m sorry it’s so hard. I think I am really really wanting to know what’s gonna happen & how that will look but you are right that it’s gonna take time so managing stress has to be worked on

So it sounds like most people don’t split the school week? I guess that’s what I was most worried about

We did fifty fifty but we did week about with swap happening on a Saturday morning.

How old are the children

@millymollymoomoo they are 11 and 12

I would bet my house he’s not lying awake worrying about uniforms and laundry.