Co-parenting with different parenting styles

[stuckandlonely]

How do you cope/not worry?

This is part of the reason why I haven’t yet left the relationship. I’m really worried about co-parenting with DH as we are just so different. One DD aged 4. I do 90% of the childcare.

I am much more chilled and relaxed. DH is loving, but much harder than me. He is very regimented and lacks flexibility. He has exacting standards. These are all part of the issues that I’m finding increasingly hard to live with.

At the moment I feel my presence waters this down to a degree with DD although it does cause conflict. I’m basically worried about how she’ll
cope with his personality without me there. I feel I protect her from some of this.

I’m writing this quickly but will come back to the thread and I’m happy to expand.

Just looking for some advice and experiences

Thank you

If/ when you split then you do not get a say on how he parents. His time, his home, his rules. Your time, your home, your rules. I often have to remind my children that different home have different rules, just like his friends can't do what he is allowed at mine.
Do you think he would want/manage 50/50?
Unfortunately, it is one of the hardest parts. But I am consistent, fun, have a routine, emotionally the one they want etc, in my time. If you have a good coparenting relationship then it is far better, mine is not amicable so very separate parenting. I have a friend who coparents so well, they are able to raise concerns and with some things, the bigger things, have consistency between the two homes. It is lovely to see.

Just is what it is and they adapt and learn as time goes on and they get older. My kids are 10 and 7 now (we’re 1.5 and 4.5 when we split).

Dad has them every other weekend, and saw them for an hour a week during Covid. I’m the stricter parent between us, but I have to be being the main carer. When with him they live off of takeaways and sweets. He doesn’t contribute towards any essentials only fun stuff and late nights. They come home and revert back to routine, homework, proper meals, but also YouTube, gaming, anime and their home comforts.
my husband and I parent very differently to their dad and step mum, we do homework with them, we give them chores, we game with them, we go for days out to the museum and have strict rules. Their dad lets them do what they want, when they want, gives them what they want etc but they quickly learnt the difference between a home and bribery.

Even if the parenting styles are different, they will learn and grow to accommodate to each one. They don’t need protection from them.

I’m sorry but my child’s dad has very little patience has expressed that our child annoys him when she takes a little too long to put her shoes on. He’s told her she can’t tell him what to do because she asked him to play a little longer rather than cook dinner but she’s 30 and he’s over 40 so no I don’t get a say but I’ve spent a damn long time in his company when I’ve not needed to just to monitor his behaviour as a parent and I assume this is exactly what and why the Op is stating what she is. I want my child to have a relationship with both parents but at the same time I don’t trust him with her and I know it’s the same on this post to

@Happygolucky314 I understand exactly how hard it is that some of our coparents don't treat our kids the way they deserve to be treated. It is the hardest part of coparenting. But in all the kindness in the world... even if this went to court, OP has not raised anything that would make a judge give OP most or all time with the children, and neither have you.
My coparent doesn't follow medical advice, tells the kids adult issues, isn't able to emotionally support them, uses them to punish me, talks unkindly about me to them, and is extremely hard/strict/unkind if they don't meet his expectations. The court found this all to be true but he still gets time, unsupervised, wjth the kids.
So we need to focus on what goes on in our homes. Make it a safe, loving, fun place with routine and boundaries. We don't get any say in what happens at the other parent's house.
So OP's only hope is that the other parent doesn't want the kids very much. That she can continue with 90%.

Yes I haven’t listed all of what my ex has done because It is bad also but I took us away from living with him a long time ago my child won’t ever remember living with him for this reason. He has spat at me he’s kicked me while our child was in front of us but was looking the other way. Etc etc etc. so I agree with making it the happiest home etc while she’s here with me. He does seem to be better with her now that I’ve taken myself away from him completely. It’s crazy what the courts would allow but I think we do well as mothers ❤️