Things you don’t miss

[Beachlovingirl]

This is a just for fun type of thread of what you don’t miss now you are separated / getting a divorce / divorced

I’ll go first:
My husband loved to spend the whole day in bed even if we had plans as a family. If I dared even make a comment about this, he’d insist we had a proper sit down chat about my behaviour and how “ridiculous” I was being. He always liked to describe me as ridiculous.

also when he slept through his working day and got told off, that would be my fault because of my lack of teamwork which we’d also have to have a chat about so that I could “improve”.

anyone else? 😊

Rancid socks down the side of the bed

Used tissues discarded around the house

Shoes and clothes taken off and dumped randomly

The smell of stale beer / smoke

Feeling on edge wondering what mood he would be in

Mess all over the kitchen from him cooking drunk

Fag burns in my nice new bedding

Feeling like I need to ask permission to do things / go places

.......I could go on all day here

Losing weekends to hangovers! I get so much more out of life now spending quality time doing things I want to rather than waiting around for someone to feel better!

Being able to go out for dinner and not worrying about whether he would eat with us or not because he deemed something too expensive.

If I was tired after a 15 hr shift he was more tired after his relaxing day off.
When my mum was seriously ill he had “the flu and moaned about it”
Constantly talked about how much money he earned but then always wanted us to go 50/50 when going on holiday. (We weren’t married. Partner of 3 years so separate finances).
I think either drop it about how much money he had or offer to pay for things. Don’t watch the other person struggle to meet you financially whilst you boast about how much spare money you have. He knew my financial situation.
Repeatedly asked me the same question because he hasn’t listened to my answer the first or second time. So annoying.

Constantly suggested I do things that he knew weren’t possible for me to do. Eg why don’t you buy the neighbours side of the drive because then you could fit 4 cars on the drive.
me- because I don’t have any money and I doubt the neighbours want to sell the driveway anyway.

A week later…”why don’t you buy the neighbours driveway”. The driveway wasn’t for sale and I had 0 spare money. That was just one example of many.

I won’t miss his bad parenting. His child went to see a nutritionist due to allergies but then neither him or the child’s mum could be bothered to follow the advice and start re introducing certain foods. I offered to help on numerous occasions but they couldn’t be bothered to try it in case he had a reaction and they had to deal with. Why take him to a professional and then not bother to follow the advice. I felt so sorry for the child as they restrict his diet heavily and the nutritionist has said several of the foods would be fine to gradually re introduce.
For the same child I said I would love to see his school report to see how he was getting on.
My reason for this is I think he has additional needs so may need some extra help at school. My ex used to always say he was a genius. I’m not sure if he actually believed this or was just showing off but I was worried for the boy. I thought if we looked at the report and for example it said he was struggling in English then we could get him an English tutor to help. Both him and the boy said he didn’t get a report this year. My ex then admitted he was “too busy” to work out to log into the app so couldn’t see it.
So now that he has dumped me I will no longer have to witness neglectful parenting, which was sad. I tried to help but he wouldn’t let me.

After I had a car accident and was without a car for a month he never once helped me for example to drive me to the local shops or to help me print out some paperwork. I had to walk miles into work to get this done. He then said he didn’t like going to garages so couldn’t help me look at cars. Then told me about how he brought his ex partner a car. So inappropriate to tell me that whilst I was struggling with no one to even take me to the garage to look at cars. I didn’t expect him to buy me a car but I did expect him to drive me to a few garages to look at cars whilst I was stranded. I would have done it for him or any one of my friends or family. He did eventually take me but only after a big argument where we nearly split up.

Didn’t make conversation with my children on a recent weekend away even though I made a big effort to talk to his children. One of my children was injured as well. Very visible. He didn’t even ask how he was. So rude.

Refuses to look at my work shifts so never knows what I am doing and never considers me in any plans. It is a 4 week repeating pattern and every other person in my job just adds their shifts to their partners calendar on the phone so they can see them. He just refused. I found it very odd.
I had to plan everything for us and work around him as he had no idea what I was doing.
This thread is great timing for me. Recent separation and I am wondering what on earth I wanted to be with him for anyway.

@THISnewbeginning The permission thing is a common thing I’ve heard and it’s amazing how it creeps up so you don’t realise it’s there. I ended up having to run everything past my husband otherwise he’d want a chat about my “communication”.

@Daisy12Maisie good for you getting out. Quite a few of those resonated. I am here with you on the why was I with him anyway. I see him in a totally new light now. How was your ex when you were unwell? If I had a cold mine had the flu and would return to bed for a week leaving me to deal with everything. One time I went upstairs to see how he was and he’d moved his PlayStation upstairs. He didn’t even notice me.

@trailblazer42 my husband was really penny pinching. He would spend his pay check on day 1 - I never knew on what as for some reason these questions to him were forbidden. He asked me all the time about my money or finances and I’d just tell him. I find it hard not to tell someone the truth. How did that work you guys going out and what would he do it he deemed something too expensive?

@Dadtofour12 that sounds awful and surely it impacted what you did too if he was hungover. Limiting?

I enjoy having my own room. I can buy any bedding I like! I stretch out, I’m not woke up by snoring or by restlessness. I wake up positive.

Ooo yes I've gone for a much more feminine bedroom!

He’d just not eat, or not get a drink if it was a pub, and sit in silence (a favourite past time..!). Obviously that resulted in me feeling guilty for being willing to waste our money and it being very awkward as me and the kids are but he didn’t. He’d usually get a big pile of sandwiches when we got home and then continue his sulk.

I used to sneak tips onto the table as we left as he would ask them to be removed from the bill because no one ever tips him as a teacher.

Last week I was away and I had great joy leaving a small tip because I could and not hiding it.

Regarding my ex husband: goodness, so much. Ultimately it was a very unsafe environment and the curtains and curtain rail would be frequently ripped down as well as holes punched through walls. Can't say I miss that crap going on.

My ex boyfriend: another man with his own army of red flags, but the thing that sprang to mind immediately is the diabolical state he'd leave the toilet in whenever he had a poo. It was utterly revolting.

I made the decision ages ago to remain permanently single, and honestly life is so peaceful and happy now.

We're still in the 'living together separately' phase.

When he's not here I don't miss the random crap left lying around. The shit stains down the toilet. The fact he is completely incapable of tidying up after himself. The lack of being able to use the dishwasher, washing machine, anything that remotely cleans/tidies.

I don't miss the lack of communication or attitude. The sulking. The ignoring of his responsibilities. Lack of parenting his son when he's here.

I don't miss his inability to deal with anything remotely financial, even though he did it all in his previous long term relationship. I don't miss him spending every penny I make whilst downgrading his job to minimum wage from a management role.

I can't wait until he is permanently gone from here and I'm not expected to be his maid, and run around like an idiot.

More than capable of working a TV, stereo, PS5, tools to work on his precious car. He is a piss take.

Wow that was cathartic!

This will sound petty compared to what some of you have put up with but laziness in the kitchen. He’d put large pans on top of smaller ones in the drawer because he couldn’t be arsed to move them, same with the fridge, just randomly stick stuff in there because arranging it neatly was beyond him, drink out of a jug rather than wash a glass. My kitchen is so tidy now! Also, greasy stains on the pillowcases, headboard 🤮.

I also have a tidy kitchen now @AnotherVice XP would leave rubbish, cutlery, utensils etc all on the sides when he cooked. He would cook a lot of stuff in frying pans which would splatter everywhere. He would of course not wipe this up. He would never wash things or put in dishwasher but would be fuming when his fryer pan / whatever was in there and he wanted it

Its not petty when it's constant and for years.

True. Thankyou x

Cooking 🤣

His seriously lacking personal hygiene.
Laziness.
Cackhandedness and total inability to do any DIY well.
Unwillingness to be a competent parent.
His drinking.
Sexual demands.
Snoring.
Selfishness.
Untidiness.
Inability to prioritise his family.
Crap cooking.
Skiddy underwear.
Dirty clothes everywhere.
Porn habit.
Pathetic attempts to chat up other women.
Possessiveness.
Total lack of ability to budge or manage money despite us having a healthy household income.
And on and on and on.

The bicycles! Oh holy God, how I do not miss the bicycles. And the sweaty Lycra clothing hanging everywhere. The whole house used to smell of it even after washing.

I was just thinking I don't have much to add here because he wasn't awful. Until he walked out (and in retrospect the 2 years of being a bit distant and tetchy) I thought he was a good man... but there are things I don't miss
The loud being the boss conference calls from the garden office with the doors open
The wandering around in his really sweaty running gear sitting on everything, not getting in the shower til he'd stopped sweating
Being engrossed in work messages and joining in with the DC/mine conversations half way through and half listening
The impatience
Various irritating noises and the farting ofc.

I can file my nails (noise went through him). That’s about it :(

I don’t miss:

Being asked what’s for tea. Every. Fucking. Day.

The clothes piles all over the bedroom floor. Or the can pyramid.

The absolute inability to do anything administrative without me watching over.

Being asked “what am I going to do?” Whenever I had plans with friends.

The constant pressure to climb hills. Or timing him run a 5k because he doesn’t trust stop watches.

Catching him speaking to other women approx once a year.

Not having access to my own savings.

Having to do all food shopping for fear he’d just come back with Pringles.

Not being able to see my family for any reasonable length of time because he’d always want to get back home.

The constant reminders that he (very unfortunately!!) lost his mum at a young age, so therefore mine shouldn’t get Christmas or Mother’s Day presents because that’s not fair.

Having to spend time with his dreadful family.

The selfishness of a man who would leave his wife on a roadside after she’d been in a car accident, because he’s got stuff to do.

I would point out that I’m happily with someone else now, so things can pick up, I just don’t have or accept any of those things anymore 😂.

His stupid face

His rolled shouldered walk

His having to talk about every damned emotion

The boring sex

The expectation of now he had done some DIY, I had to put out

The "I have hoovered/done the dishes/tidied up FOR YOU" stupid comments as though he and the kids were paragons of tidiness and I was a dirty, messy dust collector.

Him spending on stuff and me worrying about money

His fakeness to others (though now I know very few were fooled - and none of my female friends were)

Sharing a bed.
Snoring.
Sniffing.
The smells - farts, stale booze, eggs. Every meal he made started with frying dried chilli too hot so that it produced acrid fumes that made us all.cough.
Bike grease all over everything.
Coffee remnants dumped in the sink, multiple times every day.
Toilet skid marks.
Washing his clothes, making his dinner, talking to his parents.
Walking on eggshells, the silent treatment.
Sharing my money.
Top Gear/Salvage Hunters/Tour de France.
Playing second fiddle to his job, his phone and his hobbies.
His belief that the world was out to get him.
No sex/sex guilt/sex pressure.
Being unhappy and not knowing what to do.

Him complaining about my music in the mornings / afternoons - when he was hung over to fuck

Piss drops on the floor in front of the toilets.

I hear you.

Why are so many of them such pigs in the bathroom? They are grown men. Why do they not behave like it, instead of little boy toddlers that need a nappy. Yuck yuck yuck.

Honestly feels like everywhere, not just bathroom. My exes Mum once said I should have taught him how to use a washing machine. I told her it was her job to do that 40 years ago!