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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

First holiday without dad

11 replies

Em1988x · 20/08/2025 06:53

My husband and I separated in May officially. I was planning to take kids (dd 8 and ds 11) to Disney (with ex) during halloween, for 2 nights. My ds, 11, wasn’t keen to go back so opted for a break in London to play squid game ,with his dad and a friend. Before I booked, I asked him again if he’d like to go, and now he wants to go to Disney. I messaged dates to his dad for when it was cheapest, but he now says too short notice, he wouldn’t have enough holidays left as he has booked Blackpool for his 40th and used for that. Instead offered Alton towers to us 🙈 not quite the same imo. This irritates me because he booked to take them to haven and 2 weeks before, said he was cancelling it if he had to take them on his own, so I ended up going and taking time off work, just so kids didn’t get let down and ease the pressure off him.

Anyway, so, had to break the news to our son, and he now doesn’t want to go because dad can’t come. If it were me, I’d knock Blackpool on the head and take my kids to Disney, but we can’t all be the same.

what would you do? My daughter is now upset that we probably won’t go, and then got upset last night that her dad won’t go, even though he wasn’t coming to start with. It’s very recent for them and still adjusting and guess we have all been ok up until this point really. Is it too soon for them, to take them away without their dad? How soon after was it that you did a holiday without dad and did your kids get upset not having dad come along?

OP posts:
OnlyMabelInTheBuilding · 20/08/2025 07:22

I think this is why continuing to do things together as a family is confusing for kids.

Book it and take them on your own

Silvertulips · 20/08/2025 07:26

I agree, he’s a child and doesn’t get to dictate your plans.

Same as his father doesn’t get to dictate your plans - stop rolling over and start living.

You child should be excited someone is taking the time, energy, cost to go away -

Silvertulips · 20/08/2025 07:26

And to add, I would be really cross with my kids for being so ungrateful. Plenty of kids get nothing.

PersephoneParlormaid · 20/08/2025 07:28

I agree with pp, you need to stop doing things together, it’s confusing for the kids.

SamBeckettslastleap · 20/08/2025 07:29

You are separated.

From today, no more joint holidays. It is good you are amicable but you can't live like this.

Take them to Disney on your own or with a friend.

Em1988x · 20/08/2025 15:11

Thank you all. It was more the fact he thinks he might be left on the sidelines if their is a ride he doesn’t want to go on but sister does or if the ride only seats two. I did try reassure him that we would only go on rides they both agree on, however his sister is known for her tantrums 🙈 and moods. Any tips on how to reassure him

OP posts:
BookArt55 · 21/08/2025 08:58

Take the kids. Dad doesn't get to dictate, and nor should the kids.
Compromise- great skill for the kids to learn... starting today. Take it in turns for each ride, whoever didn't choose the ride you will sit with. If they both want to do something then support them reaching a compromise where they both give a bit. This can start with dinner choices, choosing a movie, who uses the shower first! And don't give in to every demand.
DD8 is 8, not 3. She is allowed to have a tantrum if that is what she wants, sometimes just need to move on and be there to support her feelings but don't give in! Giving in gives short time ease but long term pain for everyone.

Snorlaxo · 21/08/2025 09:04

You need to start doing things separately.

Dad’s plans should have nothing to do with your holiday plans with the kids. It’s outrageous that you’re considering not going because your ex can’t get organised.

changedwoman123 · 21/08/2025 09:41

Definitely go on your own with both kids. You need to show that life is fun and exciting just the 3 of you. There are loads of rides for 3 and I would get the maps before hand and make the planning part of the fun so and that way there are no discussions that end in tears or tantrums while waiting in the queue.

Beachlovingirl · 21/08/2025 17:50

Op are you ok going with the dad? If you’re worried of showing you are worried doing it alone the kids will pick up on that and then be worried themselves.

take a different tack and announce you are going, it’s going to be great, make a list of things you’re all going to enjoy be it the wonderful food, the parades, the rides or just being away.

Em1988x · 21/08/2025 19:08

I’m not worried for taking them, as to be honest, over the years been many times it’s just the 3 of us.,but 2 years ago we all did Disney together. I think it’s more the guilt that I chose the divorce and if kids miss their dad or think this would have been better with dad, then that’s on me as I made that choice.

some really good advice and I should just tell them we are going end of.

I only asked their dad because dds decided he wanted to go and only wants to with dad.

OP posts:
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