Looking for mums in similar situation

[Laura131]

Split with ex 3 and a half years ago, 3 kids. I’m still in house and we put it up for sale in November, not having much luck. Since we split my ex hasn’t moved forward, he still comes in the house every day to see kids, no responsibility. He did have rental property but gave that up so living with a mate so now I have to move out every other weekend while he has kids here. I’m drained! He says he can do it because it’s half his house. He pays csa only I pay for everything else. I’ve tried to set boundaries he just ignores it, he’s awful, even when he comes in he acts like im
a ghost. I go out most evenings. I don’t know how much more I can take of this. Anyone in similar situation?

You need to brutally assess whether the house is priced realistically. There’s no point holding out for a price you have set in your heads when the inability to move forwards is making you both miserable and creating strife, and impeding his ability to properly co-parent because he needs the money from the house to have a proper home, as you do.

You also need to create a contact schedule and be firm about sticking to it: no more just coming and going as he pleases, you each have set days with the children (which includes him taking them out some of the time, not commandeering the house) which means you can plan your time properly, make arrangements to be elsewhere on alternate weekends when he’ll stay over, and generally have breathing space and the ability to relax because you know your home will be your own on X days.

On the market since November with no progress means the house is over-priced.

Can your XH really just barge in whenever he likes? Surely there is a legal solution to this. Either way, I'd be changing the locks.

I left with the kids, my ex changed the locks to the front door. 18 months on and I haven't been allowed in and still have some of my belongings there! So actually, your ex chose to move out, as did I, so especially as you are paying the mortgage there isn't much he can do. I would contact a solicitor or CAB and have a chat. But I don't think anyone would expect you to have to deal with this.

Get legal advice. Then if agreed, change the locks and inform him of the new arrangements. He doesn't get to come and go in your home. There needs to be settled dated for the kids to have time with each parent, and he needs to take them out of the house. He doesn't get to kick you out of the house you are paying for.

You need an agreement for the kids so they have consistency.

With the house, have a frank conversation wjth the estate agent. How is it being marketed? Is there something about the condition of the house that is coming back as a red flag to viewers? Are yiu getting people coming to view? Are the photos good? What are similarly priced houses near you looking like? Might be time to drop the price if the estate agents are marketing it and you are getting people through the door.

Yes I’ve know arranged for another agent to take over and drop the price. Since I tried to set these boundaries he went mental now refusing to help with the childcare we agreed to do two school picks up a week so I can start my new job. And he hasn’t paid me the csa and is ignoring my texts! The control is insane. I never ever felt controlled by him
when I was married but since we split it’s mental the hold he has over me

Don’t rely on him for childcare. Have you looked around for a breakfast club or childminder and what help you can claim with cost? (Even if just tax free childcare). Don’t give him any control over your life.

Go to CMS- take the control away
Apply for universal Credit if eligible or tax free childcare for wraparound care for the kids, don't rely on him.
It's really about removing his power, not relying on him at all.
Fingers crossed for you.

Put boundaries in place - he moved out and presumably is not paying towards the mortgage therefore he has no right of entry. Put a claim in via CMS.