Help with accepting it’s over

[malazzie]

Hi all, I’m really struggling. My husband left 10 months ago but wanted to go for a long time but I couldn’t make it work. In the end it got really toxic. But I’m struggling so much. All I want to do is beg him to be with me. But if I do that he just rejects me again and again. He doesn’t want me. I cry everyday still. He wants to sell the house and has offered me a fair split so I can buy a house for me and our two kids on my own. But I’m so sad that thats the final nail for us. How do I accept he doesn’t want me. I feel so disgusting and unwanted and I feel like the lowest piece of shit in the world. I’ve lost my whole future. Has anyone felt like this and does it get better?

O god I felt like this when my husband and I separated x I was devastated....but slowly it got easier. Now I can't really remember being with him x

He doesn’t get to decide your worth, you know. I mean, I get it. I too have felt this sense of self revulsion when rejected. But if we decided we are worthless with every rejection then we may as well not carry on.

And yet, here you are, planning ahead with a house purchase, functioning every day for your dcs.

It will get better. You really need to spoil and indulge yourself. In a year or maybe two, you will wonder why you were so cruel to yourself over this man.

Rejection is the worst pill to swallow.
You don’t want him. You don’t want to be with someone who wanted to leave you, who it was toxic with.
Rebuild your life completely.
Be the best version of yourself you can possibly be. Give yourself all the chances you possibly can to grow. Make yourself proud.

What doesn’t break us makes us. I was left on my own with three children under the age of 8 my ex left me for someone at work I didn’t see it coming at all.

You will heal. You will find a new version of yourself and you will learn to love her.

Op you must not let yourself spiral into this. You have to plan a happy future for you and your children now. And it will be a happy one and you’ll be free of the toxic relationship and also you’ll be free of this feeling of rejection. If you feel yourself start to feel low do some housework or play with the children.
i know it’s hard and easy for others to say but I’ve found what Anna had to do in frozen 2 resonates with me when I’m feeling low and lost - do the next right thing. Don’t think about next week or tomorrow - do the next right thing now for you and the children and your children need you more than ever and maybe more than they ever will. They need you to get through this and for them to see you happy again.

Thanks all I feel much better today. I’m going to view a house at 10:30 and I’ve got in touch with a solicitor.
I love the advice of doing the next right thing. It hurts. It sucks. But I have to try and move forward. I think I just need to be more patient with myself. It’s only been 10 months and we have been together for 23 years and married for 12 so it’s going to take time. We’ve been together since school. But I’m 41, I’ve got a great job, I’m healthy and 2 lovely children. I can afford a house with a small mortgage so I’m really lucky actually.

Action often really helpS with pain like this. One day at a time. All power to you.