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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

How to accept and move on

4 replies

Blackcat7725 · 14/08/2025 10:18

I’m just after some advice from anyone who’s been through a similar situation. My partner and I separated in May and he left the family home. Initially, I was mostly doing ok but he then told me he’d met someone else a few weeks later and I have been a mess since. There’s some discrepancy about when it started which is really upsetting and I also believe he’s living with her now but he denies it. My 2 DC’s seem to be OK which is my main concern but I’m really struggling and in tears daily. I keep wishing we could go back to have things were when we were all together and hankering after my old life. When does it get any better? I’ve tried online dating for a distraction and then just feel I’m not ready for it, I suppose I haven’t yet accepted the situation in all honesty. We’ve got back together before and I keep thinking it could happen again. Amy advice welcome. Thanks

OP posts:
confusedcrane · 14/08/2025 11:36

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I've been through a similar breakup, and it is incredibly hard. My DH left for someone else, who he was "friends" with beforehand, including bringing our DD to meet her without telling me before he ended it. It completely broke me at the time. So I understand how devastating this feels for you.

I'll just go off my experience first: it took me about 4months to start feeling better, but it took another 2 after that to start to accept that things had changed. I tried dating in the first few months, but like you I didn't feel ready. I cried a LOT. After a couple of months, he did something which made me realise I didn't realise who he was anymore, and never had. That made it even harder, but also helped me start to make the distance I needed in order to process the change.

Please take the time to cry and whatever else you need to get all the emotion out (without of course turning to alcohol or drugs or anything else destructive as a coping mechanism). Get in touch with your GP or an organisation that can offer you counselling like Relate. Save Samaritans or similar number on your phone, even if you think you won't need it. Don't push yourself to date just because he's shacking up with someone new. Think about writing down how you feel when you feel overwhelmed with it all, and then delete it or throw it away. I used to type out in a blank email or notes then delete it. Focus on your kids, take them out even just to the park or have a floor picnic with a movie, and make some memories together. It will help you and them. They will remember that when they're older, that when dad left, you were there, prioritising them.

Do you have people you can trust to confide in, family or friends?

Mumto21234 · 14/08/2025 14:44

I'm at the beginning of this just now with my marriage seeming to fall apart of the last few weeks. I feel like some days I am planning how ill take back control of my life once I have our baby in the next couple of months and other times I want to curl up and cry in a dark corner. I try to look at the more difficult days, which is the majority, as another difficult day done and under my belt. Almost like ive ticked another one off.

I can't bear the thought of dating again, especially with 2 small children so hoping to just focus on this being a new chapter, whether I want it or not, and try to keep busy.

Quiet moments are the worst.

Blackcat7725 · 14/08/2025 20:43

confusedcrane · 14/08/2025 11:36

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I've been through a similar breakup, and it is incredibly hard. My DH left for someone else, who he was "friends" with beforehand, including bringing our DD to meet her without telling me before he ended it. It completely broke me at the time. So I understand how devastating this feels for you.

I'll just go off my experience first: it took me about 4months to start feeling better, but it took another 2 after that to start to accept that things had changed. I tried dating in the first few months, but like you I didn't feel ready. I cried a LOT. After a couple of months, he did something which made me realise I didn't realise who he was anymore, and never had. That made it even harder, but also helped me start to make the distance I needed in order to process the change.

Please take the time to cry and whatever else you need to get all the emotion out (without of course turning to alcohol or drugs or anything else destructive as a coping mechanism). Get in touch with your GP or an organisation that can offer you counselling like Relate. Save Samaritans or similar number on your phone, even if you think you won't need it. Don't push yourself to date just because he's shacking up with someone new. Think about writing down how you feel when you feel overwhelmed with it all, and then delete it or throw it away. I used to type out in a blank email or notes then delete it. Focus on your kids, take them out even just to the park or have a floor picnic with a movie, and make some memories together. It will help you and them. They will remember that when they're older, that when dad left, you were there, prioritising them.

Do you have people you can trust to confide in, family or friends?

Thank you so much for your reply. I’m sorry to hear you’ve been through a similar experience. It sucks. Yes I have lots of people to talk to although I’m slightly worried I’m boring them to death. Take care

OP posts:
Blackcat7725 · 14/08/2025 20:44

Mumto21234 · 14/08/2025 14:44

I'm at the beginning of this just now with my marriage seeming to fall apart of the last few weeks. I feel like some days I am planning how ill take back control of my life once I have our baby in the next couple of months and other times I want to curl up and cry in a dark corner. I try to look at the more difficult days, which is the majority, as another difficult day done and under my belt. Almost like ive ticked another one off.

I can't bear the thought of dating again, especially with 2 small children so hoping to just focus on this being a new chapter, whether I want it or not, and try to keep busy.

Quiet moments are the worst.

I’m sorry to hear this. Be strong. It’s so hard

OP posts:
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