Confused after seeking legal advice

[Ashleyupnorth]

I have had an initial hour appointment with a solicitor for legal advice for consideration of divorce, particularly in terms of finances and children but I'm more confused than when I first went in. Can anyone shed any light on my situation and what to do. In summary.

• Married 15 yrs together for 17.
• 2 x DS age 13 and 15.
• Mortgage in both names. 8 yrs left of mortgage to pay. Savings in joint names not over 15k.
• Ongoing low level DA and grown apart and feeling fed up with living like this.
• Both work FT. I am low level earner with limited earning potential. Worked PT for years whilst DC small. H earns twice as much as me.

Solicitor informed me H due to earning potential could have a bigger mortgage than me so I'm likely to get more than the usual 50:50 split.

Want to wait ideally to not make any big changes until eldest finished GCSEs next year but need to have conversations with H about where we're at and what next.

Question is, once this conversation has been had, then what? What are the steps after this, do we file for divorce? chat about finances? separate officially whilst all this happens.

It's likely going to be amicable but not 100%, or even 50% sure. Has anyone used Amicable to do their divorce?

Anyone able to offer any help?

It's weird that you say there's DA (domestic abuse?) but yet you are pretty sure it will be amicable split. Those 2 don't seem to go together.

I would say my x was Very Annoying (arrogant sod etc) but I wouldn't have said abusive. We have had an amicable split.

Can you afford to pay the bills living in that property without his income ?

Yes. I can afford to live in the property and pay the bills etc but I cannot afford it on top of buying him out as well.

Ask the solicitor to confirm their advice in writing.

The divorce (the ending of the marriage) is a very simple process. You can even do it online yourself. It is completely separate from the financial arrangements and child custody.

You’d normally exchange Form E which sets out all your respective incomes and capital. Then you’d attempt to agree the split of any capital assets e.g. the home and pensions, and whether he should pay you any spousal maintenance (as a lump sum or monthly payments). The starting point is 50/50 but that’s adjusted to account for the needs of the children, both of your needs (how many bedrooms do you each need?) and your incomes (he earns more so is likely to have to pay you maintenance). So you might want to stay in the marital home until the kids leave FT education, or you might want a clean break now. Even if you can agree it between yourselves amicably without the need for your solicitor to negotiate on your behalf, you’ll still need them to check over the agreement to ensure it is reasonable.

Once agreed, you both sign a consent order which the court hopefully approves. If you can’t agree, you go to court and the judge decides how to split the finances.

He’s not likely to pay spousal maintenance , but would be liable for child maintenance if not sharing care 50:50

Thanks and thanks @AllTheChatsAboutTea for your comprehensive reply. Really helpful.

@peanutbutterkid Low level abuse refers to constant criticism, belittling, disregard for someone's feelings as a result of words/actions, blatant verbal disrespect etc.

''Annoying'' is leaving your towel on the floor, burping at the table, not wiping beard off the sink after shaving, complaining about people who don't really matter.

If OP snipes, sulks, resents, disrespects and criticises back at him, then is it just a grumpy terrible relationship or would she be acting abusively in return? I don't know what OP meant she was experiencing, anyway and if amicable split can arise out of .. whatever the relationship is.

Ashleyupnorth: why wouldn't you sell the property, divide the proceeds. If you or both of you can only afford to rent afterwards, that's how it happens. Divorce tends to leave people poorer.

If dc will mostly live with you it’s in your interests to sort things sooner as the younger dc are, the longer the continued dependency on you for housing and the greater your needs etc.
Given courts are slow even for just rubber stamping agreements you may as well try and reach an agreement now and aim put house on market in spring and move next summer. Even if he wanted it to happen faster in reality it’s going to take time and you’d be arguing about a few months. Next summer at end GCSEs seems a sensible time move. Also rentals tend to be 6 month blocks so if he rented now then he could expect his share equity in 12 months time.
Financially it’s better for you to move and own a home and be keeping 100% equity you pay off. If the house sale is deferred for years so you and dc can stay in it without him then he will carry on benefitting from mortgage being reduced even though you would be expected take on all payments. This can mean when you come to sell you can’t afford your next home and also have lower mortgage capacity as you are that much older.
Any settlement should also consider dc needs like university as this is voluntary for the non resident parent - student loans would be based on your income and you would have to top up any shortfall unless formal agreement about this.

No, i don't criticise/sulk/coercive control or psychologically abuse.

I am not sure what the outcome will be. Potentially H will want to take on the mortgage himself and give me a share of the equity so I can buy my own place. I don't intend on renting or moving out until I have bought another property irrespective of the wait time. I am not sure at this stage whether the house will go on the market but a conversation needs to be had with H so we can try and come to an agreement.

sounds like he’d be better buying you out if you can’t afford to give him his share of the equity and run the home. Maybe you could negotiate you staying in home until youngest 18 and then sell and split proceeds. Don’t forget to factor in pensions too. This could see you get a higher share of the house if you forgo the pension for that.

Thank you. In your opinion do you see any risk with staying in the home till eldest is 18? My thinking is he could have drawn his pension in this time and be frittering it away (if he decided to turn against me).

I guess that’s a risk if he’s pension age. Maybe just do it sooner rather than later if you think that could happen. Kids adjust.

You can start drawing from a private pension at 55.