Seperation vs Divorce

[Popandhop]

5 weeks ago my husband announced he had no feelings for me and wanted to seperate.
We had just brought a house together 3months prior. And he had applied for a 12k loan the day before ending it for a new car ( we had agreed to this new car and the loan however if i knew his intentions were to leave the next day i would never have agreed luckily loan is in his name)

So the first week I was an emotional wreck flitting between begging for him back and anger at him leaving.

Communication between us is non existent other then he wants me to take on all the bills so he is financially free.

I have refused to leave the family home and have stayed here with children. I am seeking legal advice.

My biggest question atm is he initiated the seperation its what he wanted not me, he declared he doesnt want to work on it, that he can't help how he feels and there is no coming back... but he doesnt want a divorce just legal seperation.

Could he have an ulterior motive for not wanting to divorce or is he just being greedy and not wanting to pay for it? I am at the point where I am happy to file and pay the bill I just want this chapter closed now so I can start the next one. Just wondering why he is so for seperation and so against divorce 🤔

There are a few reasons why someone would delay proceedings. One is to wait until the children are older and either less dependent or not a dependent at all. In that case the weaker party’s needs case won’t be as strong. They are able to work FT and have less expenses. The division of assets tends towards 50:50. In the meantime you are paying off the mortgage whilst the equity is growing for both of you.

The other reason is that whilst he doesn’t want to engage with you right now he is hedging his bets that he might return in the future. Don’t take this as a sign he will work on things. It means he thinks you will always take him back.

Or, he has other fish to fry rather than dealing with a divorce.

Finally he doesn’t want to be free to remarry. He can have a relationship with someone else without any need to commit.

@LemonTT ahh i think you may have hit the nail in the head regarding keeping the door ajar to return .... he can hedge his bets about returning in the future but its a bet he will lose.
and the being able to have relationships without having to commit.

Im just glad that he can not stop me from starting the divorce, I can file and I will! the money spent will be worth it for the freedom, I just want this whole process over and done with.

Just found it bizarre that he is against it, wondered if i was missing a trick 😂 as I believed with legal seperation and a financial order he would have no benefit from staying married. So why not just get it over and done with 🤷🏻‍♀️

This happened to me. He left saying he doesn’t have any feelings for me but didn’t want divorce. Then I discovered his cheating. Filed straightaway. My advice would be to take control. You are in a situation you didn’t want to be in but that doesn’t mean he gets to call all the shots. It’s your life.

Maybe he doesn’t want to tell people he’s divorced and want to be “the good guy”.
Or are you likely to get a big inheritance or promotion?
But get the finances tied up and divorce.

Not due any inheritance or influx of money, and from what I gather even with a legal seperation finances would be sorted and it would be the same as a divorce anything after its finalised he couldn't touch.

He does like being perceived as the "good guy" so that could be why.

I on the other hand dont mind what people think anymore I am happy to take the role of the bad guy who filed as long as it gives me a clean break from him.