Is this advice right?

[DeeDee20]

I want to split with partner of 10 years. We have a joint mortgage and a son 3 years. Not married.
son will go to school Sept 2026 and I work part time to look after him.
i spoke to a family solicitor who advised me to stay put till I go back to work full time in Sept 2026. My stbx doesn’t want to separate but continues to treat me badly. Hes refusing to sell the house or go to mediation. I’m really struggling to live with him. He’s lazy and I feel I have 2 children, he’s in debt and not keeping up with the bills. I’m holding the fort in all areas and I don’t know how much longer I can do this.

I presume so this is because you will look in a much stronger position financially - eg mortgage options, supporting your son so that when you go for custody split you will be a strong place

Can you go back full time sooner and use childcare for your son? Will put you in a better financial position and maybe allow you to leave sooner.

If not, look into what you'll be entitled to in terms of UC, subsidised childcare etc.

Are there concerns your partner could be viewed as the primary parent from a custody perspective? Does he work consistently?

Thank you. I also forgot to add. I live in London and I jsut can’t afford it alone, even back at work full time. I would like to move closer to my family up north but the solicitor said I would have to remain near my sons dad (in London). It would be such a financial strain on me especially when he’s said he wants all his deposit back fro the house (he paid 100%). I worked out after everything I would probably get 40k.

He does work consistently but is in a lot of debt and can’t afford any bills currently. He doesn’t buy anything for our son. I buy all clothes toys etc and I’m currently paying for all the food in the house. So he does work but we see nothing

How do your own your home? Is it joint tenants or tenants in common with unequal shares? Is his deposit ring fenced by a deed of trust?

Hello. It’s joint tenants and he didn’t protect his deposit. I would love to move back up north, closer to my family. Can the solicitor/court stop me?

If it’s not ring fenced then legally you’re entitled to 50% of equity.

morally of course questionable but you might use that as bargaining chip .

a court won’t stop YOU moving but could stop you taking your children. Your ex could apply for prohibited steps to prevent you taking them ( and if I was him I 💯 would )

I don’t want our child to be far from his dad at all but I can’t afford to live in London single. I can’t increase my hours until Sept 2026 and I’m struggling daily to live under the same roof as him. Any advice about this? How am I going to do this for a year?!

Yeh his deposit is legally 50% yours now as mentioned above. Morally it isn't.

Honestly, financially you will be in a better position in a year. However by then little one will be signed up to a school, therefore you'll have more ties here. As mentioned ex could get a prohibited steps order to stop you moving up north,which would be understandable for a parent point of view.

As mentioned, yoh need to contact universal Credit, there are calculators on line to support you understanding what you may be entitled to, including help with childcare. CMS also have a calculator so you can see how much ex would have to pay depending on how many nights he would have little one.

I personally couldn't live another year like that. But if you do then stash every penny you can over the next year, get everything organised, get a plan in place including evidence to show you are the primary parent.

If you leave and he doesn't pay the mortgage you could end up in a pickle. I'd be getting a full time job ASAP.

The above advice is incorrect: you are not automatically entitled to 50% of the equity because you are joint tenants. The starting point is a presumption of 50/50. That presumption can be rebutted if it can be shown that the parties intended a different split, as would often be the case with an unmarried couple who contributed unequally to the property purchase price and any improvements. Look at the case of Stack v Dowden.

It’s not a starting point presumption. As they’re not married it’s the viral legal key. If op wants to try to claim any extra it would be a tolata route and sch 1 of childrens act - which is costly and unlikely to be successful unless ex is wealthy and op can demonstrably prove the intention was different

Thank you all. I wan this split to be as amicable as possible but he will fight me nasty I know. He can have the deposit back if it keeps the peace and I want our child to be close to both parents. I jsut want the best for our child, happy healthy parents is all that matters but living in London is so hard.
he doesn’t want to split because I have been his maid, mother and everything in between where he gives nothing back. He’s in 60k debt and will need all the money he can get.
how do I prove I’m the primary parent?
I literally do everythung

How did you manage split with older child's parent? Where do they live. Do they contribute via CM?

It is literally enshrined in case law that it is the starting point. Plenty of cases in which the claimant has established a constructive trust over part of the property on the basis of their contributions.

Proving you are the main parent is tricky if he denies it. Medical records showing you were the parent who attended, schools and nurseries need to be asked via the court or cafcass, I even had hairdressers, dentists, statements signed and dated from the oarents of my kid's friends saying about parties, playdates...

not for unmarried parties
the deeds and tolata state ownership.

thetecare plenty of cases where claims fail ( majority) and are costly

What older child?