Missing mortgage payments - wwyd?

[Adviceneeded098]

Sorry, super long story (not very) short.
I split from partner of 20 years just over 2 years ago.

Unmarried, 3DC, joint mortgage. When we bought the house I signed declaration of trust for a specific amount as he used some advanced inheritance if that makes sense (no problem with this although I think in hindsight I shouldn't have signed away so much £).

Anyway, he stayed in family home, said he'd foot mortgage & pay some towards children. I moved in with one of my parents as couldn't afford to rent, not a penny received for DC (no school meals, clubs, clothes, food). DC split their time between us 60/40 . Agreement was I'd wait 2 years for him to sort his finances so he could buy me out.

Over the past 2 years lots has happened, his health wasn't great, missed mortgage payments, I'd transfer money but he'd use it for other debt... finally caught up and thought all was ok albeit both credit scores impacted.

Get home tonight to a letter saying another mortgage payment has bounced! I'm so angry! If he'd have asked me to help I would've done but no word so instead payment bounced, credit score impacted again.

I already know I've been too patient; it's unlikely he's going to be able to buy me out isn't it. He's told me if I make him sell he'll kill himself but what options do I have?

I'm fine where I am really but I just want to be able to move on, be independent, give my DC a home. Currently sharing a bed with a teen, just isn't fair on them (or me)

Do I contact mortgage company and start paying them half of the mortgage directly? Start proceedings to force sale of house? I'm just so fed up of doing what I think is right by him & our DC but the same consideration isn’t given to me!

He's told me if I make him sell he'll kill himself

He won't.

Do I contact mortgage company and start paying them half of the mortgage directly?

You'll need to pay the full monthly amount. If you put the house on the market, your mortgage company might give you an arrangement to pay only the interest for a few months.

I'd take legal advice on the agreement you signed with your partner.

You should contact lender yes

you also need the house sold so if he won’t agree you’ll need to start proceedings to force a sale.

No point arguing re % . You’re not married so you own shares as per your deed regardless of who pays

Contact the mortgage lender and try to agree a payment plan with a view to getting it sold ASAP before you lose the whole lot.

Anyone who us using the threat of suicide to stop you doing something is coercive and may or maynot be suicidal but clearly has some big issues. You need to remain very clear that his mental health is poor and it is not your responsibility or fault if he makes choices. You can direct him to NHS support for this. Keep reminding him that his mental health was poor, he wasn't paying the mortgage and that is what is forcing the sale rather than it being a case of you forcing a sale and causing him poor mental health. He's clearly in some sort of crisis and will not be able to see straight at all.

Speak to your mortgage company asap, I spoke to mine recently and was told we could go on to interest only payments as soon as the house is on the market so that could be an option for you.

Take control of the situation, he your ex can’t make the payments the house will need to be sold, his threat of suicide is emotional blackmail.

You need the house sold to move on here, if this carries on you’ll end up with the house repossessed.