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Divorce/separation

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Original poster

Insight on this custody schedule

16 replies

ILikePizza2025 · 09/08/2025 19:13

I have developed three custody schedules to present to my ex-partner.

Days not listed are designated as the mother's days.

Note: The week starts on Sunday.

Schedule 1:

  • *Week 1:* Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Saturday
  • *Week 2:* Sunday, Monday, Tuesday

Schedule 2: (This schedule only applies if the ex-partner allows me to have the children on the days she is working. The same applies to her. Exceptions include any educational events.)

  • *Week 1:* Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday
  • *Week 2:* Sunday, Monday, Tuesday

Schedule 3:

  • *Week 1:* Monday, Tuesday, Friday, Saturday
  • *Week 2:* Sunday, Wednesday, Thursday

Holiday Schedule:

  • Mother’s Day and Father’s Day begin Friday night and end with a Monday night drop-off if the parent does not have the children on those days.

Odd Years (Dad has these holidays):

  • Day before Christmas Eve and Christmas Eve (drop off Christmas at noon)
  • The weekend of Memorial Day and the day after Memorial Day
  • Halloween and the day after Halloween
  • The day before Thanksgiving and the day after Thanksgiving

Even Years: (Dad has these holidays).

  • Fourth of July
  • Christmas with pickup at noon and the day after Christmas
  • The two days after Thanksgiving
  • Weekend of Labor Day, Labor Day, and the day after Labor Day

Each parent is allotted two full weeks in the summer, from Sunday to Sunday. The mother has first pick in even years, while the dad has first pick in odd years, except during the last week of July, which is reserved for the dad. The mother has first pick in even years, while the father has first pick in odd years, except during the last week of July, which is reserved for the father.

Rotate Spring and Fall breaks. Dad has Fall Breaks in odd years and Spring Break in even years.

Does this sound fair and reasonable???

OP posts:
thechicks · 09/08/2025 21:36

What happens if one of you wants a weekend away with/without the kids?

Why does the father get the last week of July every year? That's quite restrictive for the mother if she wants a two week period with the kids, depending on what your school year looks like.

Why does the father get the day after Thanksgiving every year?

Never mind fair and reasonable for the parents, is it in the best interests of the kids?

Original poster
ILikePizza2025 · 09/08/2025 22:20

What happens if one of you wants a weekend away with/without the kids? We each have rotating weekends

Why does the father get the last week of July every year? That's quite restrictive for the mother if she wants a two week period with the kids, depending on what your school year looks like. Have friends of my oldest who go on vacation end of July.

Why does the father get the day after Thanksgiving every year? Error on my part. Meant day of Thanksgiving.

Never mind fair and reasonable for the parents, is it in the best interests of the kids? That's the rub I don't know. We have a 4-3-3-4 schedule with split weekends. It's working but the split weekends I find annoying and my ex has one full weekend every other week. I rather have a full weekend. Someone recommended a 2-2-3 custody schedule. I am considering it.

OP posts:
Original poster
ILikePizza2025 · 09/08/2025 22:22

I can always do the classic 5-2-2-5 as well. Basically be Tuesday and Wednesday my days. Thursday and Friday my ex. Rotate Friday though Sunday every other week.

OP posts:
Myfridgeiscool · 09/08/2025 22:29

2 2 3 is too much to-ing and fro-ing for the kids. They’re always on the move.

FoxRedPuppy · 09/08/2025 22:30

This is your third thread about your divorce. Each time you are told to do what is best for children. Also that your communication style is almost incomprehensible.

Discuss it with your ex, and if you can’t get mediation or legal support to do so.

Original poster
ILikePizza2025 · 09/08/2025 22:42

FoxRedPuppy · 09/08/2025 22:30

This is your third thread about your divorce. Each time you are told to do what is best for children. Also that your communication style is almost incomprehensible.

Discuss it with your ex, and if you can’t get mediation or legal support to do so.

I'm feeling a bit anxious about this situation. My ex and I need to finalize our work schedule through November, and we have a deadline in two weeks to submit it. The court process will take about 90 days until mediation, so we really need to devise a solid plan in the meantime. I’m trying to figure out what to say to my ex when we talk next week. Last time, she just brushed me off without giving me any updates. Like to rotate Saturday and Sunday but she refuses. Fortunately, we have a highly flexible schedule and can choose any days that work for both of us. While there might be the occasional shift in plans, it’s quite rare.

OP posts:
thechicks · 09/08/2025 23:03

Are your weeks American weeks OP? As in Sunday-Saturday? I'm struggling to work out how you have alternating weekends if they aren't. But schedule 1 looks pretty awful from the kids' mother's pov if it is. And the kids' really.

I don't understand the need to set Halloween, Labor Day, Memorial Day and not just treat them as normal days/weekends. And I say this as an American.

Why Tuesday/Wednesday your days and Thursday/Friday the kids' mother's days? Is she good with that?

Does the kids' mother not get to reserve a week of summer vacation every year too?

Original poster
ILikePizza2025 · 09/08/2025 23:24

thechicks · 09/08/2025 23:03

Are your weeks American weeks OP? As in Sunday-Saturday? I'm struggling to work out how you have alternating weekends if they aren't. But schedule 1 looks pretty awful from the kids' mother's pov if it is. And the kids' really.

I don't understand the need to set Halloween, Labor Day, Memorial Day and not just treat them as normal days/weekends. And I say this as an American.

Why Tuesday/Wednesday your days and Thursday/Friday the kids' mother's days? Is she good with that?

Does the kids' mother not get to reserve a week of summer vacation every year too?

Edited

Halloween is big with ex and me. Those holidays are rotating off and even years with our work. Exchange nights in schedule 1 are Sunday, Tuesday, Wednesday, or Friday depending on the week. Two exchanges in a week. Exchanges are 8 to 9.

Exchange now is on Sunday, Wednesday, and Saturday, depending on the week.

OP posts:
Original poster
ILikePizza2025 · 09/08/2025 23:34

thechicks · 09/08/2025 23:03

Are your weeks American weeks OP? As in Sunday-Saturday? I'm struggling to work out how you have alternating weekends if they aren't. But schedule 1 looks pretty awful from the kids' mother's pov if it is. And the kids' really.

I don't understand the need to set Halloween, Labor Day, Memorial Day and not just treat them as normal days/weekends. And I say this as an American.

Why Tuesday/Wednesday your days and Thursday/Friday the kids' mother's days? Is she good with that?

Does the kids' mother not get to reserve a week of summer vacation every year too?

Edited

As far as the set days, she was asked 6 times, won't tell me, and won't do private mediation, and refused the custody arrangement sent to her. Feel wants to skip mediation, go to Court, and hope she wins full custody. Mediation with the Court will go nowhere, so it'll end up in Court. Till then gotta try to make some set schedule so the kiddos have some sense of what's going on.

OP posts:
BookArt55 · 10/08/2025 08:41

If you're expecting that week in July every year, then mum needs to be given the same week every year also.

Odd years, your holiday plan: are you actually going to be okay next year with mum having the majority of holidays, more time at Christmas, etc? I don't believe that the holidays are split fialry, they might need a little tweak so every year the patents get special occasions with their kids equally.

Which leads me on to Christmas. I do not believe it is ever in the kid's best interests to split Christmas. Handovers cause big feelings for kids even in a positive coparenting relationship. On Christmas they wake up, get presents, barely get to play with them and then taken to the next home, where they have to do it all again. How is that fair on the kids? That is definitely for the adults. Do every other Christmas, with a Christmas eve handover time being early enough for the kids to unwind, have a Christmas eve tradition and go to bed early. The kid's deserve a Christmas.

I do hope you aren't bombarding your ex with different suggestions and asking for an answer. You are coming across very intense, it would make a lot of people shut down. Your coparenting relationship obviously as conflict, therefore communication should be in writing. And you shouldn't need to message her more than once a week. You need to learn to back off and let her do things her way during her time.

butterfly1234 · 10/08/2025 10:04

Is one week on, one week off not an option to prevent all the back-and-forth? It seems chaotic an unsettling for the everyone, especially the child. Then either alternate each big holiday from year-to-year or just stick with the agreed arrangement regardless of holidays. The child can celebrate Christmas, Thanksgiving etc twice if necessary, once with each parent.

BookArt55 · 10/08/2025 10:38

I agree with PP. When I say a kid deserves a Christmas, they deserve to have a calm, enjoyable Christmas. But really wjth two homes the children should get two Christmases, two thanksgivings, two birthday celebrations. And they don't have to be on the day.

FoxRedPuppy · 10/08/2025 10:42

We do 5,5,2,2. Every Monday and Tuesday night with me, every Weds and Thurs with him and alternate weekends. It’s worked for over 5 years. Birthdays, Halloween, Mother’s Day, Father’s Day etc all land in whatever day they land. The only thing that is different is Christmas. We do alternate. But we don’t split Christmas. One of us has Christmas Eve u til Boxing Day morning. That’s best for the children. it’s heartbreaking for us (it gets easier) but this isn’t about me and my ex, it’s about them.

Once again you’ve said that Halloween is big for you as your ex. You’ve talked about you experiencing your children doing extra curricular activities. This isn’t about you. This will be much harder for you, you will miss some stuff. That divorced co-parenting life.

However, if you can’t work towards a decent co-parenting relationship it can be better.

My dc 13th birthday a few weeks ago was on her dad’s day. But we get on well, so I popped round to open presents and spend some time. We regularly cover for each other for work events or even social events, like gigs. Because we communicate well and get on well.

If you communicate with her the way you communicate here, no wonder she wants to go to court.

Original poster
ILikePizza2025 · 10/08/2025 12:01

BookArt55 · 10/08/2025 08:41

If you're expecting that week in July every year, then mum needs to be given the same week every year also.

Odd years, your holiday plan: are you actually going to be okay next year with mum having the majority of holidays, more time at Christmas, etc? I don't believe that the holidays are split fialry, they might need a little tweak so every year the patents get special occasions with their kids equally.

Which leads me on to Christmas. I do not believe it is ever in the kid's best interests to split Christmas. Handovers cause big feelings for kids even in a positive coparenting relationship. On Christmas they wake up, get presents, barely get to play with them and then taken to the next home, where they have to do it all again. How is that fair on the kids? That is definitely for the adults. Do every other Christmas, with a Christmas eve handover time being early enough for the kids to unwind, have a Christmas eve tradition and go to bed early. The kid's deserve a Christmas.

I do hope you aren't bombarding your ex with different suggestions and asking for an answer. You are coming across very intense, it would make a lot of people shut down. Your coparenting relationship obviously as conflict, therefore communication should be in writing. And you shouldn't need to message her more than once a week. You need to learn to back off and let her do things her way during her time.

I send her a message once a month.

Holidays for example, and we are used to not celebrating on the day due to our work requirements.

Could do Christmas Eve handover.

We each have every year 5 holiday's.

Sure my ex could have a set vacation. Just because of one of my kiddos, we made connections and they made some beach friends who went that week. That's a new reason to keep that week.

OP posts:
Original poster
ILikePizza2025 · 10/08/2025 12:03

BookArt55 · 10/08/2025 08:41

If you're expecting that week in July every year, then mum needs to be given the same week every year also.

Odd years, your holiday plan: are you actually going to be okay next year with mum having the majority of holidays, more time at Christmas, etc? I don't believe that the holidays are split fialry, they might need a little tweak so every year the patents get special occasions with their kids equally.

Which leads me on to Christmas. I do not believe it is ever in the kid's best interests to split Christmas. Handovers cause big feelings for kids even in a positive coparenting relationship. On Christmas they wake up, get presents, barely get to play with them and then taken to the next home, where they have to do it all again. How is that fair on the kids? That is definitely for the adults. Do every other Christmas, with a Christmas eve handover time being early enough for the kids to unwind, have a Christmas eve tradition and go to bed early. The kid's deserve a Christmas.

I do hope you aren't bombarding your ex with different suggestions and asking for an answer. You are coming across very intense, it would make a lot of people shut down. Your coparenting relationship obviously as conflict, therefore communication should be in writing. And you shouldn't need to message her more than once a week. You need to learn to back off and let her do things her way during her time.

Only messaged her 4 times during her time with the children in a period of 6 months.

OP posts:
Original poster
ILikePizza2025 · 10/08/2025 14:36

Schedule 1:

  • *Week 1:* Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Saturday
  • *Week 2:* Sunday, Monday, Tuesday

Schedule 2:

  • *Week 1:* Monday, Tuesday, Saturday
  • *Week 2:* Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday

Schedule 3:

  • *Week 1:* Monday, Tuesday, Saturday
  • *Week 2:* Sunday, Wednesday, Thursday

Schedule 4: (This schedule only applies if the ex-partner allows me to have the children on the days she is working. The same applies to her. Exceptions include any educational events.)

  • *Week 1:* Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday
  • *Week 2:* Sunday, Monday, Tuesday

Schedule 5:

  • *Week 1:* Monday, Tuesday, Friday, Saturday
  • *Week 2:* Sund
ay, Wednesday, Thursday

These are the five schedules willing to work, tweak, and accept. Think covers everything.

OP posts:
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