Why am I having second thoughts now?

[Beachlovingirl]

So my husband is normally lazy, annoying, can be angry over the slightest thing, never has any money to contribute to anything, plays video games all day, sleeps at every opportunity.

can also be kind, generous, a good dad, thoughtful.

I’ve told him that we’re separated. I’ve seen my lawyer and everything was fine there - can continue with the divorce etc.

Im not romantically interested in him anymore whatsoever. He knows this.

even the children pretty much know and have said before to me that we might be better off apart (they are teens) but now it comes to the crunch of saying it to them - that their two parents won’t be together, that we’ll not live in the same house any more - I’m now having serious doubts.

I feel so limited by being married to him and want to be free but now I’m really not sure.

it’s like is this worth splitting up the family over?

don’t know what I’m asking on here I suppose anyone else been in the same situation? What did you do?

How old are DC? How well will you manage financially as two households? How will you feel if DC choose to live with dad? (Happened to a friend of mine despite her XH being an abusive arsehole to her rather than them). How much does living with him drive you up the wall and make you fractious / irritable etc w DC? What impact will either outcome (stay or go) have on their lives? I get the challenge OP and you will never be sure if you make the right choice and can only make sure you consider all the info you have and make decision with that.

They are 12,14 and 15. I will manage fine - him probably not very well.

I would go to pieces if they chose to live with their dad - even the 50/50 custody gives me a panic attack

living with him does drive me up the wall although il so used to his ways it doesn’t make be cross at the DC thought I suppose if anything they wonder why I accept it!

It will have less impact on the older two but ok the youngest that will be hard for him.

of my DH had come to me and said there was someone else etc then all good let’s carry on. But since there is no one else (and from my side never will be) it is just sounding a bit selfish and pointless I suppose.

I got to the point where my children were teenagers and I thought to myself “is this the example I want to show them of what a loving relationship looks like?” Did I want to teach them to just accept this is what marriage and happiness looks like? I’m over a year separated now, both of us living in our respective homes, my eldest son now driving and honestly, my kids have thrived. They have two happy homes (took a while for ex to be happy about the separation) to go to. My kids bounce between our houses depending on what they’ve got going on and it’s been hard not seeing them every day but kids do grow up and lead their own lives. Your happiness is important, you living a life you’ll be proud to share with your kids is important. I’ve found the time I have with my kids is much more productive and enjoyable as we make the most of it and most importantly I’m so happy on my own, in my own house, no interest in entertaining anyone else, and I am finally free. But divorce is also hard! As amicable as me and the ex are, it is hard! I knew the man for 20 years and now I don’t know who he is anymore, communication is minimal but civil. He barely spoke to me when we were married so it was always going to be a struggle when we separated, but we’re nearing the end now and I’m lucky with older kids, there’s not much we do actually need to talk to each other about! Good luck whatever you decide to do!

You can always use this as a space to grow and change. I’ve been separated for three years and I can never say that I won’t try again with the father of my children. He has also had to man up and take his kids on his own, live on his own etc