School children

[ILikePizza2025]

Hi, I’m reaching out from across the pond, and I wanted to share some insights regarding divorce issues. I have a child starting school this year, and the school only allows vehicle transportation for drop-off and pick-up.

I’m proposing the following custody schedule to my ex:

• *Week 1*: Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Saturday
• *Week 2*: Sunday, Monday, Tuesday

It costs $150 to file with the court here, and I will be paying another $150 to ensure the documents are filled out correctly, so I plan to start that process in September. For now, I have a loose custody schedule in hopes that my ex will agree and cooperate.

My main concern is the school drop-off and pick-up. My ex hasn’t shared her work schedule with me, and I have no idea when she is working. If we both have to work the same day and my ex has the children, that could prevent my child from attending school. I’m considering keeping my child an extra night and having a family member drop them off at school. This way, my ex will have to inform me of her work status. If she isn't working, she can pick up our child from school. If she is working, she’ll need to let me know, so my family member can pick the child up, and then my ex can retrieve the children after work.

I could drop off my youngest child the evening before my ex's scheduled time, but I’m hesitant because I’m not comfortable with her family member watching my child if my ex is at work.

If my ex were more cooperative, I would prefer a week-on, week-off arrangement. I would also be more inclined to agree to this schedule if she could guarantee that the children wouldn’t experience any physical punishment, be exposed to sexual or violent movies or shows, or be subjected to swearing.

Do you have any insights or advice on this situation?

When someone is yelling, slapping you, swearing at you, making threats to take your children away, threats to call the cops, breaking items, and so forth I will talk when they calm down. Anger is different than what my ex had. I want to communicate when we are able to do so in a calm manner.

Absolutely you should never be physically harmed during an argument. Why would she threaten to call the police? What for? And why did she ask 30 times for a divorce?

Was a control tactic my ex used to control me into complying with her. Making statements about taking the children and not seeing them. I am too nervous and scared to actually of done something so I complied.

I understand that, but what did she say she was going to say to them to get you arrested? What was her reasons for wanting a divorce? You have the children 50/50 now so the threats were hollow - small mercies.

Arrested was just verbal threats through our marriage to intimidate me to comply with her demands.

But to threaten it she must have said what for? You can't get someone arrested for nothing - was she going to lie about something?

She wasn't going to call. Like I said, it was an intimidation act to have me comply with demands or a tactic to use against me when frustrated with me. My ex accused me of emotional and financial abuse after we left via text. I had a dark, dry humor, and my ex also took everything to heart. I worked on putting a filter on what I said. Every now and then I slip up and apologize. Basically tired of it. Then, there was also the paranoia and I could never trust them. Didn't want to have friends or spend time with my family. Wanting children when that stopped kept making statements about leaving.

Some reason the above post was messed up with Grammerly. Meant ex was tired of me. Ex had trust issues and paranoid about me.

You sound incredibly controlling OP. Everything is about you telling her, not vice versa or even joint agreement. Stop it!

I have negotiated with my ex multiple times. My ex is a very controlling person. When my ex separated, she lost that control. She tries to still control me. Also, can't trust my ex, have to be on eggshells during this separation, not sure how they will react. They go against any decisions we made together right after making them. They make appointments on their time without including me, tell me last minute, or do not tell me. Have tried to discuss and negotiate 5 times about the custody schedule, but won't. Just want what's best for my children.

You sound controlling to me. And if you sound and seem controlling via a post on the Internet it’s likely you do to your ex too.

What do you mean when you say:

“youngest now has a medical condition because my ex doesn't them around too much.”

^ that doesn’t make sense. Can you explain please.

Can you also explain

“My ex, when married, couldn't communicate only on her time.”

Because, again, that doesn’t make sense.

Can’t your child get a bus to school?

The communication was on my ex's time when we were married. Example ex wanted to talk. I was going to work, at work, doing some project in the house, something with the children, and so forth. Ex wants to discuss something I know will make her upset, so say let's talk when the children are asleep, or we can take a moment to step away from them. If I went to talk to my ex, they say they don't want to talk to me, they are busy watching TV, YouTube, or reading a book. So send them a text they get upset about text for communication. Now, after work, I don't want to talk. I like an hour of space to clear my head.

To say my youngest is because my ex is solely responsible is a stretch. My youngest has some muscle issues. I communicate with her and tell her what I have been doing. All the exercises and milestones. I get nothing from my ex. Not prompted, my oldest just says my youngest child just lies on his back all day. Which, I mean, isn't a stretch. Because the first separation, my oldest was in diapers during the exchange would be given to be with caked-on feces and dirty clothes. My youngest right now will come over with a rash on their bottom. So I have to take some truth in what my oldest is saying.

Your communication here is challenging.

you should look to improve your communication in general.

Why can’t your child get a bus to school?

No bus service

Why not?

As everyone knows, my ex has been spinning stories about what’s been happening this week. My ex told me that for a few weeks, we're going on vacation Monday through Thursday. My ex probably texted me about four times about when and where I am going on vacation since May repeatedly told her the dates & location.

Then my ex told another family going on Sunday. Then told me again that they are leaving on Monday. Then receive a strange text from their hotel saying the reservation is ready for Monday through Friday. Then, I found out two days later that my ex never went on vacation.

My ex's aunt wanted to keep the children for eight nights because I had them for seven nights two weeks ago.

Communication with my ex has completely broken down she never responds or answers any text I send her. I rarely bother her. This week, I asked once at work after the exchange when I would see the children next, and if I was able to pick them up a night earlier. Then asked about a school-related issue twice, one of those times my ex texted me a question related to school. The third/fourth text was asking if I could pick the children up for the day, as my oldest friend's parents invited us to go to the zoo, then drop them off in the evening. All I received were crickets.

Today, my ex went to work, leaving the kids with someone who has admitted they cannot properly care for them to me, my ex, and a family member in multiple conversations. They have also repeatedly mentioned they don't want to take care of the children or watch them anymore. My ex has previously acknowledged this during our current separation as she reached out to me about having the children an extra night because she wouldn't be home.

Unfortunately, my ex has moments during this separation where hatred and pride take over. My ex refused to let me pick up the children to take them to the zoo with their friends today then drop them off later this evening.

The person watching my children has new, unknown health issues. I’ve received alerts related to my ex's aunt's health chart; I can't see the details, but I know something is going on they been to the Doctor at least six times. Yesterday had more lab work done. This person already has back, knee, heart, and lung problems and has fallen asleep while watching the children. They also smoke two packs a day in the car. Have been caught smoking in the house in the past. During a previous separation, this individual would leave my oldest child in dirty clothes and covered in feces if I picked my child up. Now, with my youngest, they come over the next day if this person watches them with a red bottom.

It’s a beautiful day outside; after three days of rain, the sun is finally shining.

But I can't take my children out; they're stuck with someone who doesn’t take them outside. Plus, this person can't drive the kids anywhere due to all the cigarette smoke in the car. They risk getting arrested for DWI while driving with the children due to medication. The vehicle has a bad engine and lacks proper car seats, even after I gave them two they refuse to use them.

It’s just disheartening that my children have to suffer today. I have explained multiple times not the villain in this story.

Do you think my children will hate me for this?

I have changed my decision to file for emergency custody instead of a Summons.

Why are you texting so much about the children on your ex's time? She doesn't have to let you have the children on her time and you know she ignores your texts but you still persisy - she more than likely feels harassed. Just leave her alone during her time.

Why are you getting texts from her hotel? And how do you have access to any information about her family members health? That is over stepping in the extreme.

Listen I only texted her three times. One was when to pick the children up. One was for school. One was because my child for an invite. My ex texted me once for school and I texted back the information. Health stuff no idea I tried to stop it but it just keeps sending me alerts it's annoying.

But the fact remains, she's ignoring you when you ask her to take the children on her time. You may just have to accept that at the moment and plan things on your time with them.

I think you need to try harder as it could be seen that you are getting information to use against your ex in court. I would be beyond livid if my ex got medical information about me/family and hadn't tried to resolve it. It's intrusive.

She isn't home. So technically she doesn't have the children. Somehow my ex family member medical information is linked to my children's medical records.

Your communication style here is incoherent, aggressive and controlling.

You need to find a way to resolve this that doesn’t rely on her changing to what you want.

My ex wants the kids picked up at 8 and 9, not 6 to 7, before school nights.

The night of changeover, where there is school the next day, I would like pick up time to be between 6 and 7 pm. My ex would prefer between 8 and 9 pm but I feel that is too late because the children have school the next day.

see the difference?

If she’s deemed appropriate to care for the children without supervision and there is no court order in place to restrict her right to make choices as to who is appropriate to care for the children, in the U.K. she would be allowed to make decisions about who cares for the children in her absence.

I would advise you to seek advice from a legal professional in your state of residence as mumsnet is a U.K. based forum and it is unlikely you will be able to receive advice beyond the general that will be of any use to you.

To make a general point about your communication style, your posts here are difficult to follow and unclear. You could ask chatgpt or a similar AI A to assist you with wording communication which might help going forward.

So do use AI. Dropped the attorney after $4K paid the attorney wanted another $5K.