DH and I split in Dec 23. He claimed the usual "falling out of love" spiel but in reality had been having an emotional affair (at a minimum, not sure if physically) and had left me for someone 14 years his junior. Unsurprisingly it didn't last and he has now moved on to a colleague.
Our home is tied to his job so we knew I would have to be the one to move, but I had just started a degree when we split so agreed I would stay until I graduated. That hasn't worked out and I'm now moving back to my parents next week. We will share kids 50:50.
We have no assets and no savings. We pooled money for bills and just kind of divided up extras as we went along, most of the furniture he bought (my extras tended to go on kid stuff, holiday spending money etc) so he is now claiming all the furniture is his and he won't give me any. I know legally it's not true, but I honestly don't have the energy to fight over furniture I'd have to store anyway for at least 2 years. We had agreed I would engage a solicitor to write up a court order based on what we had agreed, and he would contribute towards the costs rather than both paying legal fees. Needless to say, £6k later, he refused to sign it and I haven't seen a penny. Solicitor said she wrote it because we were in agreement, but a court would never enforce it if it he were to contest it, so it was a complete waste of time and money. Going back to the drawing board and going for clean break just so that I can get it done.
I have had so much other stress as well to contend with this year and I just have nothing left to give. My relationship with the kids is deteriorating thanks to mental health while he plays dad of the year so they obviously favour him. He regularly asks what's wrong with me and when I list it all out he gets defensive and says I can't blame him and "it's hard for him too" (his contribution has been setting up broadband in his own name, he hasn't done anything else) and doesn't seem to get while I've no doubt he will miss not having the kids under the same roof full time, that's the only part of his life that is changing, everything else will carry on as normal. I am leaving with absolutely nothing, and still won't have my kids full time either. Every time I try and get him to discuss anything about the future it turns into him getting defensive and making demands/expectations/threats of "if X happens we're going to have issues". We both want to coparent amicably but I can't help but think it's just going to be control by another name, and if I say no I will be painted as the unreasonable one. I have no friends left as he isolated me from them all over the course of the marriage. I was sad but got on well with the partners of some of his friends so it wasn't too bad but obviously they have all disappeared now.
We are telling the kids on Thursday and I am moving on Sunday. He will have the kids first and I will get them back on Wednesday. I know the kids will want to stay with him and lash out at me (they already do, this will only make it worse).
I just don't think I'm strong enough for this, I've used all my energy and resilience on surviving the last 18 months. There's an overwhelming temptation to walk out before we tell them and just never return, they'd probably be happier with their dad.