A 60/40 financial split in his favour likely to go through?

[trailblazer42]

After explaining to STBX that this has to be considered fair for it to get court approval, I have proposed a 58/42 split in his favour. I know I'm doing myself out of longer term gains but I just want rid. Being in a rental is costing me £1k a month which is getting me nothing.

Money has been a significant issue in our relationship (not the lack of it, more the begruding spending and constant penny pinching). He has already stated it's not fair that I'll potentially get inheritances down the line and that he considers the book that I've been writing for 10yrs and have finally finished, should feature in 'our' future income. It's a Word document, I don't even have an agent! I've politely told him he's going to get nowhere with that.

Anyway...we have equity in the family home of around £350k (no mortgage), and in a second rental property of around £50k (buy to let mortgage). We had savings of around £35k at the time of split but have agreed how that is divided based on balance of when I left less spending from it since (me furnishing a rental). I have pensions worth £80k, including a £50k LGPS one. He's now got his CETV and his Teacher's pension is worth £341k.

He wants the family home and I don't, so I've proposed he gets this:

£165k house equity and ownership (four bed he shares with our 19yr old)
£52k flat equity and ownership (net rental income is about £600pcm)
£266k of his pension
Total = £483k

I get:
£185k in buy out which is enough for a 2bed for me and my 16yr old daughter
£80k my pension
£75k transfer from his pension
Total = £340k

I'm 43 and he's 49 and we both work full time although his salary is higher than mine (£28k vs £52k). Do you think that sounds reasonable enough to get through the courts? My priority is to get stability in the short term and reduce my outgoings dramatically as I'm eating into savings and can't get UC. If this means taking less then I'm ok with that trade off, but don't know if the court will accept this?

He hasn't paid any maintenance yet, but I've now claimed through CMS and that should start in September, although he is arguing the £433 it suggests is too high and that he doesn't see why he should be funding the roof over my head (he's apparently happy to cover food etc for my daughter although hasn't since we left in October).

It sounds like he's trying to bully you and wear you down.

what is the reasoning for it not being 50/50?

No it isn’t fair!!! 50/50 is the only fair split

It doesn’t sound fair to you no

based on everything you’ve said here it should be 50:50 and certainly not weighted in his favour

A few things…

His mortgage capacity to buy me out. I’d rather we kept the family house to avoid more upheaval and he wants it, so I just want enough to physically house us in my town.

I don’t want the rental flat - he deals with it all now and I’d have to pay an agent, deal with property management stuff I just can’t be bothered to.

And the speed/cost/mental toll of wrangling over it all…a pensions expert charging at least £3k, months of me paying rent into the ether, solicitors cost. I’d rather this was settled in months not years and that is where I can see it going. I don’t have money to pay for solicitors beyond the minimum to get this drawn up.

What a grabbing bugger he sounds!to be honest OP like you I would just want it over with.

I think that, if it is genuinely agreed without any pressure and you have both taken legal advice, it will be agreed.

The court should only stand in the way of something egregiously unfair.

The courts don’t treat future inheritance as money, in case you don’t get it. But that can be unfair, especially where one spouse has already inherited and the other is yet to receive money.

Also most people discount pensions a bit, as they can’t be used for day-to-day needs until they can be drawn on. And you are getting far more liquidity, in terms of the total settlement, which will also be taken into account.

To be honest, it sounds like a fairish deal to me and, if you are both happy with it, a court is highly unlikely to stand in the way.

My best friend has just done this. Alot less money involved as the house they have doesn't have much equity. But she has gone 60/40 in his favour as she just wants rid and not to be tidied to him anymore. It was accepted.

I feel bad because you’re getting screwed out of a lot of money and he earns more. Just seems so unfair and he sounds like a complete tosser.

I can understand why you want rid of him so if you’re sure this is what you want then go for it. And I hope you get your inheritance.

He's being difficult and dragging it out on purpose so that you give up easily and he gets much more than he should.
Does he really have enough leverage to dominate?
Can you play him at his own game and beat him?
Stop engaging with him, stop cooperating make his life as difficult as possible.

You get the flat, equity and ownership, that will even it up a little.
Even if you don't want it, Take it and sell it.
£431k to him vs £392k to you.

Still not 50/50.

I think you need more house equity or his pension to be shared more.

He will lose in the long run as it is unfair to you at the moment, the current offer.

OP, why are you in a rental when between you you own two properties?
This man is a pos who will destroy you if you let him.
Fight back and fight back hard, you have to play to win, destroy him before he destroys you.
Stop cooperating with him, dig your heels in.
You have born a child for this man and he fucking well owes you, don't settle for anything less than half🤬

I wouldn’t give him a penny over 50/50… can’t you keep the holiday let or take more of his pension to even it up?
If he’s so keen to keep the family home, he should budge elsewhere.

Our split was also not exactly 50:50.

it Went through.

we both wanted it done quickly.

Likely to go through but why not sell the flat and take some equity from that too? Seems bonkers to leave it all and the income with him - liquidate it!

Also he seems to not get the thing about CMS….he isn’t housing you, he is contributing to housing his child and it isn’t optional!

This. Its a totally bullshit offer.

If you wont fight for yourself do it for your dd

@Mrsbloggz I’m in a rental because I wanted to leave and needed to get away from him (emotional abuse the first time I tried to leave was unbearable). I lived in an Airbnb for two months whilst I sorted a rental.

I can’t live in the flat we have as it’s a buy to let mortgage so owner residence not permitted, we have long term tenants and the building doesn’t allow dogs so it just isn’t viable.

@SeaDragon17 we could sell the flat but it’s only been purchased four years ago and we’d make a loss on it due to costs of
buying. The idea behind getting it was that it would eventually be there for our children to use. When our next tenants move out it is likely our son will move in with friends and we’ll keep the rent on the low side.

@FrustratedOldLady he’s so precious about his pension that this will become a battle ground. To give him his dues, he doesn’t enjoy his job (high school teacher) but sticks at it because it comes with the holiday and pension benefits. I’m hopeful that if I appease him with this then he might just agree.

@Lafufufu my daughter wants this to be over as soon as possible. She has some OCD issues and the rental we’re in is really triggering (she won’t stay with dad) and just wants a clean slate to live somewhere else. She’s 16 and obviously doesn’t care too much about my retirement income at the moment!

Edited my reply as its the wrong thread.

it will still materially impact her.
You need to think longer term money for uni - ability to accommodate her post uni hlwhen sav9ng for other own place etc etc

That’s really useful to know, thank you. I wish they taught you all this before you were allowed to get married!

If you are getting zero from it anyway then it doesn’t matter if there will be a loss, as long as there is capital left to give you to even things up.

The time has come to accept that in order to provide longer term for yourself and your kids the luxury of cheap rent for your son and his mates (which would now be entirely in the gift of your STBXH and not guaranteed) has gone.

I would tell him you are done discussing it and will go to court to ask for a 50% pension share and 60% of the equity. You can add that as far as you are concerned the flat can get sold. I assume the buying costs have been incurred in which case that is a sunk cost no matter what. At the same time say you will apply for an occupation order for the family home in light of your daughter’s mental health. And follow this through to make him get the message.

I honestly think there is a risk that if you look like you are willing to accept anything he will keep on delaying and pushing. In which case just going straight for his jugular is the best option. And then stop discussing nonsense about future income or inheritance or anything really.

Have you had a look at www.yourneedsmet.co.uk

It sounds like you might have landed on 60/40 already, but its calculator might help you understand your respective housing funds on different percentage splits