Ex being difficult now I have new dp

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For the last few years me and my ex have had a pretty good relationship. We had an agreement for contact.
No probs until now he’s found out I’m seeing someone new.
The agreement was he would take dc 3 nights during the week, every Saturday day and every second Saturday night.
I rely on this set up so I can work during the week. I work from home . Since he has found I’m seeing someone he has now said he can’t take dc overnight night on the second Saturday anymore. His excuse - I don’t work Saturday nights and now his circumstances have changed ! We got into a pretty heated arguement over this, I told him I would go to a solicitor as this has been the agreement since we split and he’s only changing it now as he duzn want me to have time to see new dp. He told me if I go to a solicitor he will report me for getting cash in hand and benefit fraud. He said he can’t take dc over night on a sat anymore cuz his mum is sick and he has to look after her and said he doesn’t know how long it will be like this. Can he do this ? If I go to court will he have to take dc the days and times it’s been for all this time ?

A court order will stipulate what the arrangement is, you can't force him to take the children. I would accept it for now and put in a claim for child maintenance or amend it.

It is absolutely awful that he's doing this to the children but unfortunately you can't force people to be good parents. Just accept it for now and he may well calm down. Is his mum actually ill? When did you tell him about the new partner?

No court is going to force him to have the children overnight, he could decide never to have them and a court won’t force him.

His mum is sick but as far as I knew they weren’t close.
He did say he would take dc later on a sat until bed time but it means I won’t have a life it’s the only time I get to see dp

It is rubbish of him OP but there is literally nothing you can do to force him to have his kids, no court would ever force him either. The only benefit to you of taking it to court would be that he can formally say no, he’s not having them, and him reducing his days may mean he owes you more in child maintenance. In terms of time though, no court will give you that.

The solution lies in your first statement. It is quite possible for you both to have a good co parenting relationship. Which benefits both of you and it is something you both gain from. More than that your children gain from it. All of that will be lost in an endless round of escalation and threats.

The first statement suggests he is a reasonable person who wants to be a father and doesn’t want hassle. But he jumped from that to be childish and coercive. The question is why? And that’s usually because he was trigged with rational and irrational worry over what your new relationship may mean and also some “what might have been” jealousy. As well as some unresolved territorial hubris.

It’s not that unusual. There will be posters on this board experiencing the same thing because their ex is with someone new. Their response is to try to control the situation.

It’s really worth trying to reset things and walk back what has happened to the place you were before. Whilst not forgetting or ignoring what has happened. That’s only so it doesn’t get repeated.

You might need some help with this from a counsellor or facilitator. It may mean you need to take the high ground and be the conciliator. There is a win win situation here for everyone.

Focus on his rational concerns in any conciliatory approach. Give reassurance that he isn’t going to be replaced as a father, you don’t plan to move away, the children won’t be involved in the relationship until the time is right etc. Walk him to a place where he is reminded he wants to be a father and his reaction gets in the way of this. Don’t give the impression that you have relegated his role to be a childminder who is needed for you to work and have a life.

Just let him know that that's fine, but as the arrangement is no longer 50/50, you will be opening a case with child maintenance.

He will get a 3/7 reduction for the 3 weekly overnights, so he will be paying you approximately 7% of his pre-tax income. Depending on his earnings, this should be enough for a babysitter a couple of times a month.

If you are getting cash in hand and defrauding the DWP he has you over a barrel, doesn’t he? If not then claim maintenance as pp suggested.

Just tell him no worries you have found a babysitter.. And sit back and wait. He is only doing it to kerb your personal time. Take away that power.. He will either back down or indeed find a babysitter..

Are you committing fraud by working cash in hand and not notifying dwp? If so that’s pretty despicable

you can go to court ( but would expect mediation to try to resolve it) but even if awarded per current schedule he simply won’t be made to stick to it - all it will say is you have go make children available for contact then

you need to both try to be civil and out the children first not your petty squabbles and tit for tat