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Divorce/separation

Here you'll find divorce help and support from other Mners. For legal advice, you may find Advice Now guides useful.

Resentment

6 replies

Mummaof2babes2 · 04/08/2025 00:35

My ex and I have two kids. We were very young when they were born. Kids are now 15 and 11. My experience as a young mum was that i was very much alone. Ex never came to any prenatal classes/ultrasounds/checkups. Once born I did all the feeds, nappies, cooking, cleaning. Once kids were a bit older we went on play dates, bike rides, walks etc without him as he never had any interest. I worked nights and I always had dinner done, kids bathed and ready for bed before I left the house. I can't remember ever doing anything as a family, even tho I begged. I very much was a single mum but married.
He was derogative towards me, I always stayed fit and healthy but would call me s#it tits after I breastfed (one thing exercise can't really change) I get so mad remembering what I put up with.

Fast forward he eventually left me for an affair partner. This was when our kids were 7 and 11.

His new partner has just had their first baby girl and the kids have told me what's been happening and I'm hearing how involved He is with the new baby..caring, cooking, cleaning etc. They tell me how he is so caring towards her and baby which she deserves but it also stings a bit.
I can not stop thinking about it and how i feel so ripped off. I'm not jealous as I don't want a new baby not do i want him, but I am feeling a lot of resentment. Has anyone else gone through this?
Doesn't help she was also the affair partner.

I have a wonderful new man in my life, but we dont want more kids. So i guess I'm just angry that I'll never experience what it's like to have a hands on dad, yet now he is one.

OP posts:
Yoe · 04/08/2025 00:54

He sounds like a right clown …. Of course your going to be hurt what he did is extremely hurtful but you see you coped your a wonderful mum … my view is a leopard never changes his spots … you live your best life hes an ex for a reason and didn’t deserve you … don’t allow him encroach on your little family at all … it’s hard if the kids are seeing him but I bet it’s all for show from him .. he isn’t special he isn’t a good dad you told us what he was like … you keep your peaceful life and let on he doesn’t exist …

Pallisers · 04/08/2025 01:01

people don't change that much. And if he did he surely must look back and realise how useless he was with his other kids.

Just be grateful you aren't the one having to live with him now.

Tablesandchairs23 · 04/08/2025 01:18

You're better of without him. Put it out if your mind.

Babysteps123 · 04/08/2025 22:11

I think your feelings, although unwanted, are very valid. Could you have some counselling for yourself to work through the resentment? I have found talking to someone neutral about unwelcome/uncomfortable feelings can be very helpful.

JMSA · 04/08/2025 22:16

They’re a pair of arseholes and you’re best off out of it x

OnceIn · 04/08/2025 22:17

How many times do you read on mn that men suddenly become dad of the year when dsc are around.

I completely understand why you’re so resentful, it must hurt seeing another woman getting what you begged for, but trust me, she’s not, it’s performance parenting.

I was in a similar boat, but a few years afterwards a woman who was married to his best friend contacted me when she divorced her dh, we had a good catch up, and she told me that my ex was treating his new wife exactly the same as he treated me. I just couldn’t see it at the time, as others couldn’t see how badly he treated me when we were married.

You’re still loads better off having divorced him. She’s got the rough end of the stick.

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