So some might remember my other post a few months ago now in june titled “why was i never good enough”. But for those that dont heres a quick summary - together 16 years, he cheated via messsges as far as im aware that was all it was 2x and we kept breaking up getting back together etc. 2 DC together. All ways felt like i was never good enough and he was the absolute love of my life etc…
So yeah. Now its August. I broke things off with him back on May 10th. I was absolutely broken inside. He got with a new ‘girlfriend’ literally 12 days after i ended it. Spent all the time in the world with the rebound until July 10th when he messaged me saying the rebound had physically assaulted him and he needed to chat to help sort his head out. By this point id gone full no contact with him for my own sanity as hard as it was. (He messaged our children when hed be collecting them/dropping them off they are 14&12 so old enough) So him messaging and asking to chat was like a woah. Because i honestly would of taken him back absolutely 100% i loved him unconditionally regardless.
He came to chat with me at a family friendly beer garden while our kids were playing on the equipment over a drink. And this - i know what everyone is going to think and say and yeah i honestly get it all - is where it gets weird. He asked if he could get a lift back to mine with us he had to go collect some of his things from rebounds house (same town as me). I said yes thats fine. When i parked at mine he got out said bye to me and the kids and went and got his stuff. I started sorting the kids and the house etc it was 8pm so i just wanted to lock the door, take my bra off, put comfy pjs on, close the curtains and watch some mind numbing tv lol. 20 minutes later theres a knock on the door and its the EX. He wanted to chat further “to try and get my head sorted”. So he came in and we talked. Then he said hed missed the bus back home can he just sleep on the sofa. I know i should of said no il drop you back home. But i didnt. We ended up talking til early hours and then just slept. No sex or anything untoward. The next day i dropped him off at his flat and he went to work and messaged me back saying thank you he loved it being able to be my friend again.
To cut a long story short he came back that night and we talked again always about his feelings and never anything about me or us or whatever. Anyway we had a few drinks and one thing led to another (I know. I know 🤦♀️). And for the nextt fortnight he was at mine constantly. Telling me he loved me and sleeping with me every night but then returning to the sofa to sleep sleep.
Then literally this last Tuesday he went back to his flat finally. At this point i had no idea what was happening. It felt like we were trying again. I messaged asking what was happening. And honestly what a wake up call i got “we are just friends. I dont want to hurt any of us both again and i dont want to give false hope”….i lost all my control right there and then and kicked off over the phone about false hope was having sex with me every night for 2 weeks. Never being away from my home and making it feel like it was a relationship again?! He replied hes sorry he never meant to make it feel that way but (and heres the kicker) “next saturday the 9th can i use the car while your on your night out?”
i lost it big style said absolutely not f all the way to off and when you get there f off some more! Basically when you leave a company where you had access to a company car you dont get to keep using said company car?! My car is mine and not a community bus?! It was the turning point for me. The first time ever id said no to him. First time ever id actually grown a pair and mesnt every word i said! I sent one final message asking what it was in the relationship id dont to hurt him so i can work on that going forward for if i do ever want to date again. He replied 12 hours later saying “you didnt actually do anything other than leave me for no reason back in may and that broke me other than that nothing”.
i didnt break it off for no reason there was a reason. There was so many reasons but i didnt feel the need to explain. I just left him on read and muted his chat. I havent spoken to him since. Apart from when he dropped the kids back today. I said thank you bye.
since that final message off of him ive felt soooooo good inside? Like really good! Free even? Ive felt motivated and happy and like i dont know. Finally im good! When he dropped the kids off today i looked at him and he couldnt even meet my eyes. I felt nothing inside? No rage, no pain, no sadness. Like finally im seeing you and your patterns for myself. Its an intoxicating feeling!
sorry its a hugeeeee paragraph just wanted to get all of that out and see how others have got through co parenting to a degree with a of an EX really with limited contact?