Living on my own

[ICantWaitAnotherMinute]

While I while away the weeks, days, hours and minutes until the orders are done and the house is sold, thinking about my (hopefully) forever home is keeping me going!

Questions like do I go for a new build, or a do-er upper or something in between, bungalow, flat or semi? Do I need to factor in overnight guests like children or grandchildren needing a spare room or buy a sofa bed? location: choose within walking distance of work or move close to adult children?

Constant questions on my mind!

What helped you decide where to live post D?

Will this be your forever home? If so then stay close to family, or at least in between. Lowest maintenance you can afford with option for a downstairs bathroom.

I don't have much advice, other than buy a sofa bed. Flexibility really can't hurt. I wish I had.

Think about what you will want 10 years from now.
Think about your own interests, think about wanting a space to hang your washing on the line, somewhere to sit and drink coffee on a summer day, (my lad and his wife moved into a flat and because of no outside space, regret it and having to rely on a tumbler dryer resulted in huge electrice bills, guess who is looking to move?).
I always knew I couldn’t live without some garden.
Have you a hobby, does it take up space? If so the second bedroom is a must.
As for walk to work or nearer kids, walk to work would be my priority, I know I can get there and on time, I don’t have to think about budgeting for fares or parking. Being near the kids can have its advantages, but can also warrent unexpected disadvantages, like more babysitting, parents planning weekends away, house sitting, unexpected visitors, at anytime, along with grandkids schoolmates etc
Choose for yourself, noone else, have a tempory guestbed, for overnight stays.
If you are going to save money, by down sizing, do it. Use your equity to take yourself to that place you have always wanted to go, but never had the chance to.
Treat yourself to comfort, add a sunroom, if needed.
Think are you happy to live with the noise, dust and upheaval of renovations, if its a passion then go for it, otherwise go for affordability and YOUR comfort.
A forever home is your home, how you want to live, how you want to retire.
No matter what you buy, you will always redecroate to your style and put your stamp on it.
Personnally, mine is a bungalow with a small garden. (A big down size), but its my last home I hope to live a couple of more decades in.

I divorced in 2022 and had to downsize. I've never lived alone before, 3 adult DDs living away all with partners but no grandchildren yet.
I managed to get a small three bedroom, but I've made the smallest room into a craft/sewing room (I would never have been allowed that by XH - it's a joy I celebrate every single day)
I can put all of the kids up at the same time at a push, one couple in the guest room, one on sofa bed in living room, one on airbed in craft room.
But honestly the vast majority of the time it's one guest at a time and it's just the guest room that gets used. My sister comes to stay too sometimes, which XH would never allow because he hated her (she had his number and stood up to him)
I love having a smaller house-smaller bills, less council tax and I can clean it from top to bottom in an hour and a half.
It didn't need much doing , but I have been decorating to my taste for the first time in my life, which is also a joy.
The garden was a state but I'm gradually doing that too, currently sat outside in the peace with a cup of tea. It's absolutely lovely.

@WelshBookWitch sounds perfect!

I guess my takeaway from non divorced parents but with severe illnesses is to consider both a long and happy retirement but also one where you may have mobility issues or need care assistance. Having the space to move around with a walker, without steps, to be able to install a wet room etc can make all the difference to your independence.

but if you are in your 40’s you could easily move again.

A sofa bed is always so helpful. I have one and it’s been used a fair bit. Not the most comfortable, but I got a mattress topper. I am buying my forever home next year and am thinking of having 3 bedrooms so I’ve got room for adult DC to come and stay. If they all came together, i’d take the sofa bed. I don’t think I want anything that needs a lot of work personally, though not overly keen on new builds either. My one want is a kitchen big enough to have a sofa area, open plan kind of thing.

Thank you @declutteringmymind I think that is a good idea, I've been drawn to new builds, low maintenance but oh so tiny!

@CrystalSingerFan On my list, thank you!

@ccridersuz thank you for the wonderful post - lots to think about, I started to jot down what I want.

Flats (although there is a gorgeous flat available that sings to me) unfortunately have really high service charges and ground rent so have discounted them as an option, because these fees would really eat into my monthly budget (which isn't huge).

Hear you on the walking to work, it would save a lot of money on parking, petrol and wear and tear costs. Also because I would be walking distance, I could actually work from the office more often saving on utility bills.

I could buy an old 2 up 2 down close to work and be mortgage free, however I'd have no savings so aiming for a mix of deposit and mortgage. In my 50's now, could get a mortgage for 20 years hence going for something more expensive and suitable for old age!

Drawn to bungalows but it would mean driving to work, thinking out loud maybe a place close to work and in say 10/15 years retire and downsize to a small bungalow - ideally I only wanted to move once more. It's hard isn't it? I feel paralysed by indecision. I want to get it right.

And the doer upper's in my price bracket are compete doer upper's, you make a very valid point with dust and mess.

I have saved this though: Use your equity to take yourself to that place you have always wanted to go, but never had the chance to.

Thank you, really thank you for the very thought provoking reply 😊

@WelshBookWitch Thank you, my babies have all left now, when we get together it tends to be on holiday (which is great!). My children did not enjoy coming over. I did not realise it was so uncomfortable for them. They didn't say anything because they assumed I was happy. When I wasn't, they admitted a few things. Eye opening to say the least.

Downsizing from a decent sized house with plenty of rooms, requirements are bedroom, guest room and office as I WFH mainly. Not fussed on kitchen size but needs a small garden/patio to sit on. Oh and a downstairs loo.

For 2 bed's I try to find some that have a separate dining room, the new builds you can barely swing a mouse in. That scene in Two Weeks Notice when Hugh Grant walks across the apartment and says 5 steps? oh my god how do you cope - literally some of these new builds have lounges that are two yards wide!

I have lived alone after 1st D and flipping loved it, I'm looking forward to my own space and having a nice cup of tea in a sunny garden.

@TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams those are very valid points! Currently located close to GP's, Healthcare etc which is also a positive factor too, thank you for sharing 😊

@Zanatdy Looked at the Ikea day bed Hemnes, looks like a really good option as it folds to a sofa, not sure on the mattresses though but like you said could get a topper for it? And then I was thinking a chair bed in the lounge.
The beauty of a new build is new everything, so if the roof/boiler lasts 20-25 years then it will serve me well. So expensive though. And so super small.

One option perhaps is to rent for a bit and see how I feel - but then it's the question of money and is it wasteful, or do I just rent small to start with a be in a better position to look at the market and make an offer on a forever home? So much choice.

I'm getting invested in this thread, OP, as I've been there and have (almost) finished doing that. Thoughts include:

1. Downstairs loo - yes if you can afford it.
2. Does it have to be a bungalow? I have an over-80 friend who had the perfect Edwardian terrace house in W London. She got a Stannah Stairlift when the time came.
3. When I decided to move from S. Oxfordshire to nearer the sea, I rented in two separate places before deciding. I'm glad I did. I had the head/heart decision made very clear to me (went for the sensible option).
4. Renting made me realise that landlords just love sweet, grey-haired older single ladies. We are absolutely what sensible landlords want. I still wonder, when I found a brilliant landlord, if I should just have stayed and let them manage everything for me.
5. After renting, and deciding to buy in my first choice town, when finding the right place dragged on and seemed hopeless, when the perfect place was advertised on RightMove I knew exactly where it was and that it was perfect. I called the estate agents the next day, drove down, inspected it, and made an offer. Now I own it.
6. Yeah. Freehold not Leasehold.

Good luck.

@CrystalSingerFan

1. Most definitely - a lot of 70's and even 80's housing seems to have no downstairs WC, I look at floor plans to see how easy it would be to add one.
2. Not necessarily - although in my area they tend to be detached, have a garage and on bigger plots. Lived in a detached for a few years now and worry about being in a semi or terrace and not getting on with the noise. But yes a stair lift could work too!
3. Today I just want to move out, cannot afford to rent and pay mortgage so stuck. Thinking out loud renting now, getting the D finalised and hold sold while in a little rental feels like a really good option. Then when dust settled look around for a home.
4. Do landlords need to see bank statements etc? I've never rented before but all the savings I will have are tied up in selling this place and the bank account looks rather sad. Deposit (even if just a holding deposit) will have to go on a credit card! When house sold I could pay six months in one go.
5. Literally can't wait. This limbo phase is really debilitating. Not in control of anything.
6. Agreed!

Today I just want it all done and dusted, feel so crushed by it all. How many times does one look at the divorce portal checking? Requested CO nearly four weeks ago now and I was really hoping as if by magic the courts would have sent the CO date by now. Even just a tiny weeny little email saying it will be read on such and such a date. Just a little nugget of hope that the process is moving forward.

Sometimes I think it's gods way of testing your inner strength - but I wish he would just throw a small bone...

Can't get a loan for say 10k and rent somewhere as it buggers up the mortgage DIP (not taking out new credit in the run up to mortgage app.) But then if I am renting then wait for loan to stop affecting the credit rating?

House is on the market for too much money. Went live end of May. Barely any viewings. Reduced once already and have agreed with STBEX not to reduce again til end of the month. If SSTC in August no guarantee completion by Christmas. Altogether the most frustrating phase of this whole unwanted, never predicted in a million years, but necessary process.

@ICantWaitAnotherMinute: "I just want to move out, cannot afford to rent and pay mortgage so stuck. Thinking out loud renting now, getting the D finalised and hold sold while in a little rental feels like a really good option. Then when dust settled look around for a home."

That's a great approach if you can make it work. The house I'm selling exchanged last Friday so fingers crossed for completion. Sadly, the alleged buyer was divorcing too, already living in a rental and had a chain. (I didn't.) The sale date for him was pushed back three times, and eventually he broke his chain just to get the purchase done. I certainly wished he'd waited until he had the money, as I was close to giving up. Can you use this as an argument to your STBEXH to help with the rental?

"Do landlords need to see bank statements etc? "

My letting agents wanted me to fill in detailed online credit check forms. They clearly weren't aimed at people like me (single, retired, low income, pre-pension, but luckily with some capital. When I offered to just pay 6 months in one go they were fine. YMMV.

"This limbo phase is really debilitating." Hell yeah. While you're waiting for the sale, can you distract yourself? (Assuming you have holiday left or can work from home.) What about pet/house sitting? I've never done it but a sensible single lady with home ownership ought to tick a few boxes. You might even get some decorating Do's (or Don'ts) from the experience. Or WWOOFing (Google.) Or plan something marvellous that needs research. (I walked the Camino de Santiago when I turned 60, and that took planning.)