Accept it!

[NCfirst]

Seperated from husband since December, my choice relationship had become Toxic and not an environment I wanted our two children raised in. Thankfully
he moved out and went to live with his dad.
the children and I are in a good place, house is happy and lighter, they seem more content, hardly see their dad maybe an hour or two max a week.
I did it all for 12 years, I’ve paid the mortgage and all bills, and I accumulated a lovely debt too whilst trying to make ends meet when he didn’t work.
now he is demanding 50% of the house, I was meant to have mortgage appointment today but decided to cancel and speak to a solicitor instead, I want to see
him comfortable in a place of his own but half seems so unjust when I have paid for it all, however I do understand the law is the law and legally he is named on the mortgage.

today I’ve had a text nearly every hour from him, begging me to reconsider, everything will be different we could be so great blah blah blah, then over 10 photos of us and sending songs! It’s exhausting why can’t he accept it’s over.

Because it’s hard to accept the end of the marriage when it wasn’t your call. It’s heartbreak. Give him time and compassion.

I’m trying to, but it’s mentally exhausting

What has suddenly provoked this love bombing, if he’s been living with his father and barely seeing the children for the last eight months? And what did the solicitor say? Clearly, you are happier without him, but I fear he will make divorce difficult if he’s suddenly decided it’s not what he wants.

I spent months ‘allowing’ my STBX to send me messages, poems, songs, gifts on my doorstep, etc but I felt like he was allowed to do this because I’d hurt him.

Took me a long time in counselling to get to the point of understanding his feelings were acceptable, his behaviour wasn’t. By asking/telling him to stop, I wasn’t stopping his feelings, I was stopping his behaviour.

I wish I’d stamped on it earlier. I knew it was mentally exhausting me but I’d underestimated how much. It was massively effecting my work, my general enthusiasm for life.

I put up with it for six months. Don’t do it. I told him once not to and it stopped for a while but then it crept back and I didn’t stop it. I didn’t have to get to point of blocking him/reporting harassment but could have done.

Nothing has provoked it other than us discussing finances, I’ve an apt with solicitors next week so as he put it he still has time! I can’t have been any clearer that I’m happier now and not going back I’ve even changed my surname back. Yeah I’m allowing him to do it I guess thou ignoring the messages as I’m racked with guilt, he promises change etc etc but it’s just words and he had a decade to change. Most important thing for me is children are also happier now it’s a more content home. No eggshells etc.

hopefully once ball starts moving
with solicitor he’ll finally understand there is no way back.
hugs to everyone going through this it’s horrible having to be blunt on a regular basis, I feel there’s no respecting boundaries at all he just won’t listen

Maybe he thinks he’s not entitled to much and would rather live there.
also, he’s on a pigs back if you paid for everything, he had a free life.

Why is there so little contact between children and their dad ?

he doesn’t see the children much cause they don’t really want to. I try to encourage them to, the eldest is 13 and the youngest is 8