Where to start really. I have issues with my DH and I’m at the point now of seriously considering leaving. He’s always been fairly unsupportive and unempathetic unless it suits him and when challenged on it his response is not positive. I have anxiety issues and I know I can be a bit demanding but he can be very dismissive of my feelings telling me when I’m feeling low that it’s just life and I need to get on with it and take control. I work three days but also do freelance work so sometimes I get days off in the week which I approximate depending on my workload. However one of my main gripes (and he’s always done this) is that he will walk through the door and start to crash around because there maybe dishes not put away or maybe towels not folded or something like that. He says he’s OCD about those things and cannot sit down and relax unless they are done. I’ve lost count of th times I’ve been running round like a blue arsed fly trying to get the house in order only for him to come in and not notice or pick on something I haven’t done. We had an argument about it last night and he says 5/7 days when he comes back in the house it’s messier than he has left it. I did point out we have two kids and so if I’m making the tea or doing something else they are normally off making a mess elsewhere and I can’t keep ontop of everything. I’ve lost motivation with it because nothing I ever do is good enough it seems. He admits he likes control as he runs his own large company which now makes millions. He’s so focused on that he’s said before he doesn’t really have the mental energy to deal with my anxieties in life. Which if I’m honest I have quite a lot. I’m just a naturally anxious person who also gets over stimulated really easily. I’m no angel and I do occasionally snap at his behaviour but for the most part I push it down and just seeth quietly as I cannot be bothered with the argument. The plus sides are generally materialistic if if quote honest. He is generous with his money and takes us to places I could only have dreamed about and pays for the lot.But this just does not outweigh the sense of worthlessness I feel almost constantly when I feel he doesn’t see any value in me unless it suits him. In arguments he’s belittled my job and my earnings which is quite hard to come back from and my resentment just keeps building. Earlier in our relationship ship I went through his Facebook messages when he up and left one time and saw loads of searches for girls on there which I wasn’t happy with and he couldn’t provide an explanation for his answer to that was to blame me for invading his privacy and now he has all his messages locked down with only Face ID which will open it. I myself am a bit insecure if I’m honest but I only went snooping if I thought there was good reason. Not really sure why I’m posting this but it needed to be put out there for my sanity. He says because he gives me everything I should be happy but really the only thing he gives me is financial stability. I would be ok on my own no have a good job etc. BUT my only gripe is this. If I left him for some u known reason I cannot imagine the pain of seeing him with someone else. Why is that if he’s been like this with me ? I can’t understand that feeling and it keeps me with him. I’ve split with him before and I w actually felt sick to my stomach thinking about it. He is also the kind of man who would flaunt someone new in front of me to be honest and that would hurt. I don’t even think I have a question here but I’m just putting my thoughts down so I can read them back. I’ve told him how I feel (for what seems the millionth time) and I’m just not convinced anything will
xhange. I have told him it needs to however or I will look for another place with the kids to rent I do find myself looking for places more and more even though we have a beautiful house together I’m not very happy in it right now. I will mention my children at 7 and 9. I think they would be ok eventually with us splitting up but I am more concerned with the eldest as it is a worry of his as he has heard of this happening to his friends at school. I would of course do my absolute best to reassure and help them through this but having the children certainly makes the decision harder.