Potential court proceedings due to an unreasonable offer from STBXH

[Kalista018]

My husband has initiated divorce proceedings, and although it’s still early in the process, he’s making proposals that seem completely unreasonable — both from my perspective and, tentatively, from a solicitor I had an initial consultation with. Unfortunately, I’m not sure if I’ll be able to afford ongoing legal representation, and he seems to be taking advantage of that by pushing me to accept his terms and trying to wrap things up quickly.

I want to make sure I can protect my rights and get a fair outcome. What are my options if I can’t afford a solicitor?

He seems to believe everything will be finalised as soon as the reflection period ends, but from what I understand, that doesn’t seem likely — especially given the current disagreements. How long can the whole process take at most?

Also, how helpful are the free legal advice services like “Rights of Women”? I’ve tried contacting them, but it’s been very difficult to get through.

Thank you in advance for any advice or guidance.

How long? Well it can take years if neither of you are prepared to negotiate and compromise.

Start educating yourself in the principles of division and what this could mean. Don’t listen to people who cone along and say

you’re entitled to Stay in the house until
chid is 18 ( you’re not)
you’re entitled to at least 50% ( you’re entitled to a fair share which could be more or less)
he’s responsible to house you ( he’s not)
i got 80:20, 70:30 or whatever / it’s nots relevant to your case and depends again on what’s as available fir division and both parties needs

you can be a litigant in person or you can instruct a solicitor but try to do a large part yourself

you should ask fir full disclosure of financials form e if you don’t know all the assets /debts

as part of the process you will be expected to do at least one mediation session

how far disconnected are you both in terms of offers? Legal fees can run into tens of thousands d was fix his ludicrous for most people divorcing with only house and pensions to split

it will friend what you have, how long you’ve been married, whether there are minor children, both your earnings potentials

Thank you for your reply — I really appreciate it. I do understand the basics, but his offer isn’t even close to being fair, which makes me think this could turn into a lengthy process.

On that note, if both parties can’t come to an agreement, can either one choose to take the matter to court? Or is it usually only the person who initiated the divorce who can do that?

Generally the way it works is:

if you and your husband can agree on a split (and are thus “amicable” in the jargon then you can employ a service or a solicitor to write up your agreement in legal terms. It then goes before a judge who has to agree it (it may well get bounced back once for wording etc) and the judge generally will not agree it if it’s obviously unfair.

so the first step is having discussions with your partner. In my experience it’s a good idea to get them to see a lawyer for advice as many people have ideas about what they will get/the law that are not grounded in reality at all.

once the divorce process is legally started via the government then you are expected to go to mediation before going to court except in some specific circumstances like abuse etc.

the mediation process is basically a trained facilitator (often also a family lawyer) who “referees” your discussions.

if mediation fails you can move to court.

it can can be dragged out for years and years and years. It’s very hard for one party to move ahead if the other is deliberately delaying.

OP, my best advice to you is to pay a solicitor to find out what you are entitled to. In my experience, bullying STB exH’s respond to a solicitor in the way they won’t to you - first of all, it’s official, and second, there’s none of the emotion that will exist between you. You may say you can’t afford to see a solicitor - actually, you can’t afford not to. Tell the solicitor you don’t want to go to court because you need to limit costs - they will understand that it profits you nothing to be awarded more by a court but to spend it all on legal costs. You will get sound advice, and he won’t be able to steamroller you. In all probability, there will have to be compromises from both of you. Very best of luck, OP - it’s horrible going through it, but you will come out on the other side!

Thank you for your reply. Unfortunately, I don’t have any savings, a permanent job, or financial independence at the moment. I’m relying entirely on his support to get by, and as a foreigner under his visa sponsorship, he seems to think he can take advantage of my situation.

Although this is still an incredibly stressful time, I’m feeling much better than before. I was in a deep depression that nearly cost me my life, but I’ve managed to come through it — and that, in itself, was the hardest thing I’ve ever faced.

I would recommend you also get some advice from a solicitor regarding your immigration status if he removes sponsorship (assuming you want to stay post divorce). Him stopping sponsorship may have no impact at all but best to be informed and prepared.

Agree with the above re your immigration status

initial consultations are useful but usually are only able to give a very high level view which often isn’t where it ends up

and is always say don’t downs 20k to get 10k- so understand your gaps in £ terms and the cost of pursuing ( as well as emotional impacting of pursuing )

I'm working on changing the visa under my children. So that part is taken care of.

If you have a house your solicitor can put a charge on it and collect the fees at the end when it is sold. I have divorced three times first two times amicably and it cost less than £1000 did it on divorce.com which guides you through each step. Last time, contentious cost me £25,000 and him close to £50,000 as he argued every tiny thing down to splitting towels plates knives and forks etc. Try to be fair and reasonable if you can, but don't be a doormat.

Have you considered family mediation?

Yes, I think we will, but I’m not sure how things will unfold, so I just want to be prepared for the worst-case scenario.