Can ex stop me taking kids away?

[BeerAndMusic]

Had a google and think I know the answer but not exactly clear as we have nothing in place.

I have not communicated with her since Xmas - other than messages passed back and forth via kids (14 (will be 15 at time of travel) and 17. I have blocked due to abusive messages and controlling nature & double standards. Oh, and a couple of attempts to confront me outside my house and my local pub.

Till now (2 years) we have both taken kids abroad, with simple text messages between us saying it's ok (courtesy over dates as much as anything). Have 50/50 but nothing formally agreed.

She took kids away May HT, missing 2 days of school (cheaper). No issue. I want to take them to see their grandmother abroad in Nov, missing 2 days of school. Part of this is she will not allow the kids to visit over Xmas (even though I said last year she could have kids all xmas if I have them this) so wanted a cheap visit before.

She has said no, the reason... they are missing 2 days of school.

I am assuming the below is true, in which case my hands are tied?

If the other parent refuses to give their consent for the holiday, you cannot remove your child from the jurisdiction otherwise you will be committing the offence under the Child Abduction Act which is punishable by a fine or prison

Do their ages come into consideration? Also, I had previously agreed to them going away HT next May, can I now change my mind on that - yes it is tit for tat but just feel I need to stand up for myself?

Why would you want to stop your DC going away in May next year?

Why would you stop your kids going on holiday to ‘stand up for yourself’? The pair of you need to grow up and not use your children to score points with. Plan the holiday when they won’t miss school so that she can’t complain (yes it’s not fair, but that’s life, the kids are the most important thing) and don’t screw your kids over when it comes to her taking them away. The kids are old enough to notice which of you is doing things for them, and which of you is using them to piss the other one off. If she’s the idiot they will see her for it.

Would your dc17 have exams in May or June?

Dont play tit for tat. It’s not fair on your kids. You don’t have long before this is all over as your kids are so old.

I agree with PPs.

But the child abduction act does not apply to 17 year olds.

It’s the ops ex who is refusing the holiday!
op allowed his ex to take kids away and miss school ( 2 days) now won’t return the favour because she’s a nasty hypocrite and wants to dictate on her terns so perfectly logical he would then say no to half term next year. He agrees it’s tit for tar but the outrage should be saved for ops ex!

your kids are at ages where they should have a say. You could try to get specific issues order if necessary

@Poonu hes allowed to ask a question on here. Same as women without kids despite it being number

milly it’s not outrage. It’s a fair question. We do not know why his ex has said no to the holiday. They may have justification or they may not. However, the OP isn’t behaving well if their first reaction is to stop his own DC having a holiday next year.

The ex isnt wanting the children to miss 2 days of school. Its in the OP

Yet she was fine with them missing 2 days of school for HER holiday! It’s pretty clear she is being awkward so that he has to pay more for flights in half term rather than getting cheaper ones.
OP, call her bluff - book flights on dates where they don’t miss any school.

soupy yes I saw that. It seems that the OP doesn’t accept the reason as a valid one.

If any of the kids have important exams next year they should not be on vacation in May 2026.

Aside from that - these kids are old enough to voice an opinion. My dd wouldn’t miss any school or revision opportunities in an exam year but otherwise wouldn’t care. What do your kids think?

Try setting a rule that your dc don’t miss school. Then stick to it. Or ask your children!! They are teenagers! Do they live with you? Are you the resident parent? Do the children want to miss school and what about exams at 15 and 17? It’s irresponsible. You both need to value education, and make sure dc have revision time.

Because it is hypocritical.
She was quite happy to take them out for 2 days herself, now doesn't want him to do the same.

Missing school in a big exam year is different to missing school at other times so what your children are studying would be relevant to whether or not your ex is being reasonable.

Re going away, technically you need permission. You will note that there are no specific guidelines provided for what that permission looks like. So, theoretically, she could, in advance, alert authorities that you are taking the children without her permission.

In real life, if you travel with the children's birth certificates to prove you have parental responsibility, it's very unlikely you would be stopped.

However, taking them out of the country against her wishes is likely to lead to more drama. Can you not.chamge flights?

A 17 year old would have school exams or public exams (or college exams). The 15 year old would be studying for GCSEs. It’s just a very crass idea from both parents to condone missing school/education and then to fight over it……. !!

She’s being a dickhead given that she was ok with them missing 2 days of school when it suited her. I’ve only ever been stopped once when taking my DC abroad, but it’s always a risk.

Gee thats so helpful /s

They should not be missing school at this age

I agree, she is being awkward but I was just pointing out that OP has already said the reason she has given

Well its not valid is it, given she did the same?

I wouldnt accept it either, but people are awkward and unhelpful and so it seems is this mum

@millymollymoomoo it's how I feel about Mumsnet. I know people say it's for everyone. But I do feel very strongly it's a female space. Sorry.

Why would the mum stop the kids going away in November ?

Only when it suits her though ? Of course that’s allowed on MN

Based on your post it would seem that at some point in the past you could co parent well enough to be able to agree a quid pro quo re holidays. But this has deteriorated and now you are playing “tit for tat”. Or to put it another way you are both escalating bad behaviour. That escalation has many more levels to go as you both find ways to be petty towards each other and to thwart each others plans with the children.

This is completely detrimental to the children’s well being. They will be the ones who suffer the most whilst their adult parents get petty highs from their wins and more bitter from their loses.

You and she need to find ways to deescalate the tension. You might need mediation. You both might need to swallow some pride and make some concessions.

Missing a couple of days of school can be fairly benign or it could be very detrimental depending on the context. Maybe it is worth asking her to explain her concerns and if there are adjustments she could suggest that can be made to accommodate the trip. Be open to changing things.

Start the conversation or reset the conversation in the context of why the trip is good for the kids. They spend with family, go on holiday and it is affordable and convenient for you both.

If you want to take them abroad and she doesn’t agree then you can apply to court for permission. But that won’t help with 2 days off school and it will cost you money for legal fees. For your trips and for her trips. Once that doesn’t apply you will be tit for tatting over graduations, birthdays, engagements, weddings and so on until your kids give up on you both.